Horse

Horse Jokes

Mouth

Why do horses eat with their mouth open?

Because they have bad stable manners.

Child

As a child, my mother always told me she was going horse riding. My whole life changed when I found out she was under the horse.

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  • Preacher

    A preacher was selling a horse. A cowboy decided to buy the horse. The preacher told the cowboy to make the horse go, to say "Thank God" and to stop the horse, to say "Hallelujah". The cowboy then rode off into the sunset until he came upon a cliff, searching his memory he yelled "Hallelujah" and the horse stopped just before going off the cliff. Then the cowboy said "Thank God".

    Cinderella

    Why couldn't Cinders use horses to pull the Pumpkin Coach?

    Because they were too busy playing stable tennis!

    Hand

    What do you call a guy whose hand is up a horse's butt?

    An Amish Mechanic.

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  • Incest

    So there I was, having a fantastic time going down on my nan.

    When suddenly I got a nasty taste in my mouth.

    "Wait a minute," I said. This distinctly tastes like horse semen.

    Then it clicked.

    "Ah, so that's how you died."

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  • Bunny

    This bunny named Mason came up to a bar and ordered a beer and a burger. He sits at a table and the waiter brought a huge burger.

    Mason: "Heh. Good thing I eat like a horse." He looks up at the waiter.

    Waiter: "You are a nasty little bunny, aren't you?"

    Mason screamed and ran away as the waiter chased him... she was a HORSE.

    Type

    What type of horse can jump higher than a house?

    All houses can't jump.

    Man

    A man walked into a bar. No wait, a horse,

    A man walked into a horse.

    Cancer

    Doctor: "You're as healthy as a horse!"

    Jimmy: "That's great!"

    Doctor: "A horse with cancer."

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  • Jockey

    What did a jockey's manager say to him before the race?

    "Use the horse!"

    Chest

    Little Johnny and his dad were going to buy a horse.

    Dad: Rubbing on the horse’s chest and butt.

    Little Johnny: What are you doing?

    Dad: Checking to see if the horse is healthy so I can buy it.

    Little Johnny: Oh well, I think the mall man wants to buy mom.