Horse jokes

Why do horses eat with their mouth open?

Because they have bad stable manners.

I named my horse Mayo.

Mayo neighs.

If hay is for horses, what is for unicorns?

Haaaaaaay!

As a child, my mother always told me she was going horse riding. My whole life changed when I found out she was under the horse.

A preacher was selling a horse. A cowboy decided to buy the horse. The preacher told the cowboy to make the horse go, to say "Thank God" and to stop the horse, to say "Hallelujah". The cowboy then rode off into the sunset until he came upon a cliff, searching his memory he yelled "Hallelujah" and the horse stopped just before going off the cliff. Then the cowboy said "Thank God".

What's a horse's favorite football player? NEIGH-mar!

What do gay horses eat?

Hay.

Why couldn't Cinders use horses to pull the Pumpkin Coach?

Because they were too busy playing stable tennis!

What do gay horses say?

"Hay ya'lllllllllllllll!"

What do you call a guy whose hand is up a horse's butt?

An Amish Mechanic.

So there I was, having a fantastic time going down on my nan.

When suddenly I got a nasty taste in my mouth.

"Wait a minute," I said. This distinctly tastes like horse semen.

Then it clicked.

"Ah, so that's how you died."

This bunny named Mason came up to a bar and ordered a beer and a burger. He sits at a table and the waiter brought a huge burger.

Mason: "Heh. Good thing I eat like a horse." He looks up at the waiter.

Waiter: "You are a nasty little bunny, aren't you?"

Mason screamed and ran away as the waiter chased him... she was a HORSE.

What type of horse can jump higher than a house?

All houses can't jump.

Why don't Amish people water ski?

Because their horses would drown.

A man walked into a bar. No wait, a horse,

A man walked into a horse.

Doctor: "You're as healthy as a horse!"

Jimmy: "That's great!"

Doctor: "A horse with cancer."

What did a jockey's manager say to him before the race?

"Use the horse!"

You can lead a horse to water, but a pencil must be lead.

Little Johnny and his dad were going to buy a horse.

Dad: Rubbing on the horse’s chest and butt.

Little Johnny: What are you doing?

Dad: Checking to see if the horse is healthy so I can buy it.

Little Johnny: Oh well, I think the mall man wants to buy mom.

Chuck Norris can drift with a horse.