Tool jokes
What's the difference between a pregnant girl and a light bulb?
... You can unscrew a light bulb, but you can't unscrew a pregnant girl.
You should wear binoculars when calculating. It helps divide.
What do robots 🤖 shave with?
Laser blades!
What is an emo kid's favorite Tool? A rope.
What do you call a can opener that doesn't work? A can't opener.
Yo mama so fat that you need a jack stand to get her up.
Why did the rapper bring a shovel to the studio?
Because he was digging for those UNDERGROUND BEATS!
When can an elephant use an umbrella and not get wet?
When it's not raining.
Hey, pass me that crowbar, please.
Sure... y’know, before the crowbar was invented, crows had to drink at home.
I remember my grandfather's last words:
"Are you holding the ladder?"
The circular saw asked the chainsaw, "When am I as big as you?"
The chainsaw would answer with, "When you cut down some things in your life. Like your owner."
The circular saw would reply with, "What?"
Your hairline's so far back, I use it as a ruler to measure things.
Balls maker.
Q: What's the difference between a knife and a razor blade?
A: Depends on which wound bleeds faster.
Butcher knives are great tools for cutting many things!
Fruit, vegetables, my arms.
Q: How do you get 50 babies in a bucket?
A: With a blender!
Q: How do you take them out?
A: With Doritos!
This joke is like a vacuum cleaner... it sucks.
I will always remember my grandfather's last words before he died: "Is that a real chainsaw?"
Why are dildos like a ratcheting wrench? They both make lots of noise and get their job done.
What do cutting boards and a suicidal teen's wrist have in common?
They both have cutting marks.