Tool jokes
Why did the hip-hop artist always carry a pencil?
For those FREESTYLE DRAFTS!
What did the rapper say to his BROKEN PENCIL?
"You broke the beat!"
What happened when a hammer punished the nail?
He hit him.
How does a cow do math?
With a cow-culator!
Yo mama so fat that you need a jack stand to get her up.
Really feeling suicidal is basically having a mental breakdown, but realizing you have nothing nice and sharp to use.
The circular saw asked the chainsaw, "When am I as big as you?"
The chainsaw would answer with, "When you cut down some things in your life. Like your owner."
The circular saw would reply with, "What?"
Balls maker.
Q: What's the difference between a knife and a razor blade?
A: Depends on which wound bleeds faster.
Your hairline's so far back, I use it as a ruler to measure things.
I will always remember my grandfather's last words before he died: "Is that a real chainsaw?"
Butcher knives are great tools for cutting many things!
Fruit, vegetables, my arms.
This joke is like a vacuum cleaner... it sucks.
Q: How do you get 50 babies in a bucket?
A: With a blender!
Q: How do you take them out?
A: With Doritos!
When can an elephant use an umbrella and not get wet?
When it's not raining.
Hey, pass me that crowbar, please.
Sure... y’know, before the crowbar was invented, crows had to drink at home.
I remember my grandfather's last words:
"Are you holding the ladder?"
Why did the rapper bring a shovel to the studio?
Because he was digging for those UNDERGROUND BEATS!
What do cutting boards and a suicidal teen's wrist have in common?
They both have cutting marks.
What is the difference between Jesus and the devil?
When the devil came to Earth, he was the one with the nail gun.