What happened when a hammer punished the nail?
He hit him.
How does a cow do math?
With a cow-culator!
The circular saw asked the chainsaw, "When am I as big as you?"
The chainsaw would answer with, "When you cut down some things in your life. Like your owner."
The circular saw would reply with, "What?"
Butcher knives are great tools for cutting many things!
Fruit, vegetables, my arms.
Balls maker.
Your hairline's so far back, I use it as a ruler to measure things.
Q: What's the difference between a knife and a razor blade?
A: Depends on which wound bleeds faster.
I will always remember my grandfather's last words before he died: "Is that a real chainsaw?"
Q: How do you get 50 babies in a bucket?
A: With a blender!
Q: How do you take them out?
A: With Doritos!
This joke is like a vacuum cleaner... it sucks.
Why did the rapper bring a shovel to the studio?
Because he was digging for those UNDERGROUND BEATS!
When can an elephant use an umbrella and not get wet?
When it's not raining.
Hey, pass me that crowbar, please.
Sure... y’know, before the crowbar was invented, crows had to drink at home.
I remember my grandfather's last words:
"Are you holding the ladder?"
What kind of fruit can fix your sink?
A plum-ber.
What is the difference between Jesus and the devil?
When the devil came to Earth, he was the one with the nail gun.
What is the difference between a pregnant woman and a nail?
Answer: You can unscrew the nail.
I got so bad about cutting myself every time I went to the bathroom, I wanted to break my jacket zipper off and use that!
What do you call a baby with red curry fried hair?
A baby using a potato peeler and a comb.
How many babies does it take to paint a wall?
Depends on how hard you throw them, with fuck.
