Tool jokes
What is an emo kid's favorite Tool? A rope.
You're like a vacuum cleaner. Why? Because you suck.
How does a cow do math?
With a cow-culator!
Yo mama so fat that you need a jack stand to get her up.
What's the difference between me and a knife?
One has a point, and the other doesn't.
Memes
Hey, pass me that crowbar, please.
Sure... y’know, before the crowbar was invented, crows had to drink at home.
Why did the rapper bring a shovel to the studio?
Because he was digging for those UNDERGROUND BEATS!
Q: How do you get 50 babies in a bucket?
A: With a blender!
Q: How do you take them out?
A: With Doritos!
I will always remember my grandfather's last words before he died: "Is that a real chainsaw?"
Q: What's the difference between a knife and a razor blade?
A: Depends on which wound bleeds faster.
Your hairline's so far back, I use it as a ruler to measure things.
Balls maker.
The circular saw asked the chainsaw, "When am I as big as you?"
The chainsaw would answer with, "When you cut down some things in your life. Like your owner."
The circular saw would reply with, "What?"
This joke is like a vacuum cleaner... it sucks.
Butcher knives are great tools for cutting many things!
Fruit, vegetables, my arms.
I remember my grandfather's last words:
"Are you holding the ladder?"
When can an elephant use an umbrella and not get wet?
When it's not raining.
What do you call a baby with red curry fried hair?
A baby using a potato peeler and a comb.
What is the difference between a pregnant woman and a nail?
Answer: You can unscrew the nail.
What is the difference between Jesus and the devil?
When the devil came to Earth, he was the one with the nail gun.