New Tool Jokes

My friend was showing me his tool shed and pointed to a ladder. “That's my stepladder,” he said. "I never knew my real ladder.”

Hey, pass me that crow bar please.

Sure... y’know, before the crowbar was invented, crows had to drink at home

(credit to Ryan Lombard (I think that’s his name) from YouTube shorts, I loved this dad joke/pun)

Do you have a shovel? Because I’m digging that ass

Let’s play carpenter. First we’ll get hammered, then I’ll nail you

Some guy called me a tool. So I got hammered and nailed his girlfriend. Guess he was right.

What’s a rapper’s favorite tool?

A MIC WRENCH

I'd call BlessedBrian a TOOL, but at least a tool serves a PURPOSE

What was the most useful tool in the 17th century Slaves

What did the pencil say to the sharpener?please grind me!

Are you a builder, because you give me an erection.

How did the pornstar cut herself while using a drill? She was to used to grabbing the tip.

A little girl asks her mum, "Mummy how was I born?" Her mother smiled and replied: Once upon a time, your daddy and I decided to plant a wonderful little seed. Daddy put it in the earth, and I took care of it every single day. The seed slowly grew more and more leaves, and in a few months it turned into a beautiful, healthy plant. So me and Daddy tool the plant, dried it, smoked it and got so hight that we fucked without a condom!

What is the worst tool to play when playing the game “Icebreaker”?

The Titanic

Pro tip: how to not hit your thumb with a hammer, make you child hold the nail.

a telescope has two uses: 1. to look in space 2. to see your hairline

What is white, then red, and is very fast?

My chainsaw blade

A friend took me out to his shed and was showing me all his tools, when he pointed to a ladder. "that's my step ladder" he said "I never knew my real ladder."

I have a stepladder because my real ladder left when I was 5.

THE REASON WHY WOMEN HAVE SUFFERED LONGER THEN MEN IS BECAUSE MEN ARE USING WOMEN AND ABUSING THEM AS TOOLS AND PROPERTY WHICH THEY AREN’T DURING WWll WOMEN WERE USED EVERYDAY BY EVIL MEN FOR NOT BEING ABLE TO HAVE SEX WITH THEIR WIVES AND MUSILM WOMEN ARE BEING RAPED, WOMEN CHILDREN ARW BEING RAPED EVERYDAY WHILE YOU FUCKING TURDS OF HUMAN SHIT ARE MAKING JOKES OF ISSUES THAT NEED TO STOP SO STO WITH THE HOMOPHOBIA, ISLAMPHOBIA, BIPHOBIA AND ALL THE OTHER PHOBIAS MAKE SEXUAL HARASSMENT, ASSAULT AND RAPE VICTIMS VOICES HEARD WE WILL NOT STAY SILENT BECAUSE OF THIS SHITTY APP! ALSO GOD CREATED WOMEN EQUALY AS MEN DO NOT MISTREAT YOUE SISTERS, MOTHERS, AUNGS, MOTHER IN LAWS HOPE ALL YOU RAPISTS SEXUAL ABUSERS, SEXUAL ASSAULTERS ROT IN HELL WHERE YOU DESERVE TO BE NOT IN THIS COUNTRY OR ANY OTHER PLACE HELL IS WHERE YOU BELONG 😡🤬🖕🏻🖕🏼🖕🏽🖕🏾🖕🏿