Tool jokes
Really feeling suicidal is basically having a mental breakdown, but realizing you have nothing nice and sharp to use.
“Which tool,” Andrea Bocelli asks Chris Doemges, “fits best in the mailbox?”
Doemges: “Probably the flathead screwdriver!”
Why don't you use a dull pencil?
Because there's no point. 😐😑😑
What do you call a can opener that doesn't work?
A can't opener.
What kind of fruit can fix your sink?
A plum-ber.
What's the difference between a hoe and a prostitute?
One is a tool. The other is your mom.
Why did the guy bring a rope to the party?
Because he wanted to hang out... permanently. 💀😈
My friend was showing me his tool shed and pointed to a ladder. "That's my stepladder," he said. "I never knew my real ladder."
Hey, pass me that crowbar, please.
Sure... y’know, before the crowbar was invented, crows had to drink at home.
Do you have a shovel? Because I'm digging that ass.
Let's play carpenter. First, we'll get hammered, then I'll nail you.
Some guy called me a tool. So I got hammered and nailed his girlfriend. Guess he was right.
What’s a rapper’s favorite tool?
A mic wrench.
Why did the hip-hop artist always carry a pencil?
For those FREESTYLE DRAFTS!
Why did the rapper bring a shovel to the studio?
Because he was digging for those UNDERGROUND BEATS!
What did the rapper say to his BROKEN PENCIL?
"You broke the beat!"
I'd call BlessedBrian a tool, but at least a tool serves a purpose.
When can an elephant use an umbrella and not get wet?
When it's not raining.
What's the difference between me and a knife?
One has a point, and the other doesn't.
Why do they call matches, matches?
They all look the same.