Why did the guy bring a rope to the party?
Because he wanted to hang out... permanently. 💀😈
My friend was showing me his tool shed and pointed to a ladder. "That's my stepladder," he said. "I never knew my real ladder."
Hey, pass me that crowbar, please.
Sure... y’know, before the crowbar was invented, crows had to drink at home.
Do you have a shovel? Because I'm digging that ass.
Let's play carpenter. First, we'll get hammered, then I'll nail you.
Some guy called me a tool. So I got hammered and nailed his girlfriend. Guess he was right.
What’s a rapper’s favorite tool?
A MIC WRENCH
Why did the hip-hop artist always carry a pencil?
For those FREESTYLE DRAFTS!
What did the rapper say to his BROKEN PENCIL?
"You broke the beat!"
I'd call BlessedBrian a tool, but at least a tool serves a purpose.
When can an elephant use an umbrella and not get wet?
When it's not raining.
Why do they call matches, matches?
They all look the same.
Why are most absent dads mechanics?
They like to nut and bolt.
What do you call a can opener that doesn't work? A can't opener.
"Ouch!"
"What's wrong?"
"I stepped on a screw."
"Are you ok?"
"I'm in ex-screw-ciating (excruciating) pain!"
Are you a rope? Cause I'm tryna put you around my neck 😏
Why was Santa happy?
Because he had 3 hoes.
What was the most useful tool in the 17th century?
Slaves.
You wanna know the difference between a rake and your mom? The rake is actually useful.
Q: What's the best way to carve wood?
A: Whittle by whittle.
