Why did the guy bring a rope to the party?
Because he wanted to hang out... permanently. 💀😈
My friend was showing me his tool shed and pointed to a ladder. “That's my stepladder,” he said. "I never knew my real ladder.”
Hey, pass me that crow bar please.
Sure... y’know, before the crowbar was invented, crows had to drink at home
(credit to Ryan Lombard (I think that’s his name) from YouTube shorts, I loved this dad joke/pun)
Do you have a shovel? Because I'm digging that ass.
Let's play carpenter. First, we'll get hammered, then I'll nail you.
Some guy called me a tool. So I got hammered and nailed his girlfriend. Guess he was right.
What’s a rapper’s favorite tool?
A MIC WRENCH
Why did the hip-hop artist always carry a pencil?
For those FREESTYLE DRAFTS!
What did the rapper say to his BROKEN PENCIL?
"You broke the beat!"
I'd call BlessedBrian a tool, but at least a tool serves a purpose.
Why are most absent dads mechanics?
They like to nut and bolt.
What do you call a can opener that doesn't work? A can't opener.
"Ouch!"
"What's wrong?"
"I stepped on a screw."
"Are you ok?"
"I'm in ex-screw-ciating (excruciating) pain!"
Why was Santa happy?
Because he had 3 hoes.
What was the most useful tool in the 17th century Slaves
Q: What's the best way to carve wood?
A: Whittle by whittle.
I have a stepladder because my real ladder left when I was just a kid.
Oh wait, I'm thinking of...
What does a knife have but not my life...
A point.
What’s it called when you give an emo some rope as a present?
Murder.
My four conditions:
1. I need coffee.
2. I need vacation.
3. I need food.
4. I need tape, axe, saw, bag, shovel, and an alibi.
