Tool jokes

A retarded kid sees a murderer chopping up his latest victim with a saw. The retarded kid yells, "Seesaw!" because he sees a saw.

What do you call a can opener that doesn’t work?

A can’t opener!

Why do they call matches, matches?

They all look the same.

Yo mama is so stupid, she thought a jigsaw meant dancing with a saw!

Have you heard of the invention of the shovel? It's groundbreaking!

I’ll never forget my grandpa's last words to me...

“Are you still holding the ladder??”

What do cutting boards and a suicidal teen's wrist have in common?

They both have cutting marks.

You should wear binoculars when calculating. It helps divide.

Why did the kid bring a ladder to school?

Because he wanted to go to high school.

What is an emo kid's favorite Tool? A rope.

What do robots 🤖 shave with?

Laser blades!

What do you call a sharpened pencil? You call a sharpened pencil a sharpened pencil.

What's the difference between a pregnant girl and a light bulb?

... You can unscrew a light bulb, but you can't unscrew a pregnant girl.

What do you call a can opener that doesn't work? A can't opener.

What's the difference between me and a knife?

One has a point, and the other doesn't.

Yo mama so fat that you need a jack stand to get her up.

What is the difference between a feminist and a knife?

A knife at least has a point.

You're like a vacuum cleaner. Why? Because you suck.

What happened when a hammer punished the nail?

He hit him.

How does a cow do math?

With a cow-culator!