When can an elephant use an umbrella and not get wet?
When it's not raining.
Hey, pass me that crowbar, please.
Sure... y’know, before the crowbar was invented, crows had to drink at home.
What is the difference between Jesus and the devil?
When the devil came to Earth, he was the one with the nail gun.
What do you call a baby with red curry fried hair?
A baby using a potato peeler and a comb.
I got so bad about cutting myself every time I went to the bathroom, I wanted to break my jacket zipper off and use that!
I impaled my son with a pitchfork...
He looks very sharp.
Penis, neck, rope?
"Ouch!"
"What's wrong?"
"I stepped on a screw."
"Are you ok?"
"I'm in ex-screw-ciating (excruciating) pain!"
What do you call a can opener that doesn't work? A can't opener.
Why did the guy bring a rope to the party?
Because he wanted to hang out... permanently. 💀😈
I really need jokes for my Atom bookmark project :3
Dcexcedcrd.
What’s a rapper’s favorite tool?
A MIC WRENCH
I lent my calculator to a friend. He is using it to this day.
Are you a rope? Cause I'm tryna put you around my neck 😏
What's the difference between a truck full of babies and a truck full of bowling balls?
You can only unload one of them with a pitch fork.
What did Santa use as a candy cane?
Wait, wait, I said it wrong.
Okay.
What did Santa use to do his garden...never mind.
You wanna know the difference between a rake and your mom? The rake is actually useful.
Jackhammer McQueerson
The reason why women have suffered longer than men is because men are using women and abusing them as tools and property, which they aren’t.
During WWII, women were used every day by evil men for not being able to have sex with their wives, and Muslim women are being raped, women children are being raped every day while you fucking turds of human shit are making jokes of issues that need to stop, so stop with the homophobia, Islamophobia, biphobia and all the other phobias, make sexual harassment, assault and rape victims' voices heard, we will not stay silent because of this shitty app!
Also, God created women equally as men, do not mistreat your sisters, mothers, aunts, mother-in-laws. Hope all you rapists, sexual abusers, sexual assaulters rot in hell where you deserve to be, not in this country or any other place, hell is where you belong. 😡🤬🖕🏻🖕🏼🖕🏽🖕🏾🖕🏿
