Fruit jokes
If tomatoes are a fruit, does that mean ketchup is a smoothie?
What’s a sheep’s favorite fruit?
A baaaaaaaanaaaaaana!
How do you make a fruit punch?
You give it a pair of boxing gloves.
Why did the cantaloupe 🍈 jump into the pool?
It wanted to become a watermelon 🍉.
Three Europeans come to America. They all get captured by Native Americans, who want to kill them. However, the Europeans beg to have their lives spared. The Native Americans agree not to kill them on one condition: the Europeans must go into the forest and bring back a fruit, and they will be informed what to do with it.
The first guy comes back with a peach. The Native American says, "Shove it up your ass, if you laugh we kill you." So, he shoves the peach up his ass, laughs, and the Native Americans kill him. The second guy comes back with a grape. The Native American tells him the same thing. He laughs, and the Native American kills him.
They both see each other in heaven, and the first guy says to the second guy, "I had a peach and peaches are fuzzy, so that's why I laughed. But you had a grape, what happened?" The second guy says, "Oh yeah, I was doing just fine until I saw the other guy come back with a pineapple!"
why??
What's the difference between a baby and a watermelon?
One screams when you put it in a blender, and the other one is a cooperative little fruit.
What do you call a fruit that argues against the position it supports?
The Devil's advocado.
What are the best kind of fruit for twins? Pears 🍐
My brother told me he wanted to find a golden apple tree in real life. I told him it was a fruitless mission.
If I were to not eat the last biscuit, I would feel "crumby."
playing irl fruit ninja on my arm.
What do you call an epileptic kid eating fruits?
A blender.
How do you turn a fruit into a vegetable?
AIDS.
Why did the banana like the movie?
Because it was apeeling.
What's a priest's favorite fruit?
Cantaloupe.
How do you call on a mail man who is carrying rotten fruit?
Come post!
What fruit always feels depressed?
A blueberry.
How does an orange 🍊 go into a crowded restaurant?
By squeezing his way in.
What are twins’ favorite fruit?
Pairs 🍐.
What's the difference between fruit and a freshly killed corpse?
I don't eat the fruit.