Fruit Jokes

Anonymous

if tomatoes are fruit does that mean ketchup is a smoothie

3
Anonymous
in Self Harm

playing irl fruit ninja on my arm

Anonymous

What’s a sheep’s favorite fruit?

A baaaaaaaanaaaaaana

Daniel King

How do you make a fruit punch? 🍎 You give it a pair of boxing gloves. 🥊

The Special

3 europeans come to America. They all get captured by native americans and they want to kill them. But the europeans beg to have their lives spared. The native americans agreed to not kill them on one condition: the europeans must go into the forest and bring back a fruit and they will be informed what to do with it. So the first guy comes back with a peach. The native american says "Shove it up your ass, if you laugh we kill you." So, he shoves the peach up his ass and he laughs, and the native americans kill him. The second guy comes back with a grape. The native american tells him the same thing. He laughs and the native american kills him. They both see eachother in heaven and the first guy says to the second guy, "I had a peach and peaches are fuzzy so thats why I laughed, but you had a grape, what happened?" The second guy says, “Oh yea I was doing just fine until I saw the other guy come back with a pineapple!”

Daniel King

Why did the cantaloupe 🍈 jump into the pool?

It wanted to become a watermelon 🍉.

I donno

What’s the difference between a baby and a watermelon?

One screems when you out it in a blender and the other one is a cooperative little fruit.

Lily
in Music

What is beethoven’s favorite fruit? Ba na na na

Anonymous

What do you call an epileptic kid eating fruits? : A blender.

Daniel King

What fruit always feels depressed?

A blue-berry.

3
Anonymous
in Dark Humor

When the depressed kid runs out of eyeliner So he says fruit ninja with his wrists

Dick Richard

What do you call a gay drive by? A fruit roll up.

0
Anonymous

My brother told me he wanted to find a golden apple tree in real life. I told him it was a fruitless mission.

Anonymous
in Offensive

What do u call a gay drive by a fruit roll up

Anonymous
in Puns

What do you call a fruit that argues against the position it supports?

The Devil’s advocado.

Addison

Three guys are stranded with cannibals on an island. The cannibals said “Each one of you come back with 10 pieces of fruit and shove them up your butt showing no emotion”. The first guy came back with 10 apples and by the second one he started to grunt so he was killed and eaten. The second one came back with cherries and when he went to put the 10th one in he started to laugh so he was killed and eaten. The two guys met in heaven and the first guy said" dude you were so close what happened?" The second one said" I would have made it but I saw the third guy come back with 10 pineapples!!"😝😝🤣🤣

Mr. Nuclear/little johnny
in Little Johnny

So Johnny was working at a deli, a woman walks up and asks, do you have any salad? Johnny says no, she asks? What about carrots? Again Johnny says no, she says what about bananas? Johnny says “tell ya what, spell out “lad” in salad” she spells L A D, Johnny replies “spell “rot” in carrot” she spells R O T, Johnny says “now spell “fuck” in vegetables or fruits” she says “there is no fuck in vegetables or fruits” Johnny exclaims “thats what ive been trying to tell you!”

Anonymous

What’s the difference between fruit and dead babies?

I don’t put fruit in a blender.

0
Anonymous

if I was to not eat the last biscuit, I would feel “crummy”

Anonymous

what kind of shoes are made of banana peels? slippers