Fruit jokes
What’s a sheep’s favorite fruit?
A baaaaaaaanaaaaaana!
How do you make a fruit punch?
You give it a pair of boxing gloves.
If I were to not eat the last biscuit, I would feel "crumby."
How do you call on a mail man who is carrying rotten fruit?
Come post!
If tomatoes are a fruit, does that mean ketchup is a smoothie?
How does an orange 🍊 go into a crowded restaurant?
By squeezing his way in.
Why did the cantaloupe 🍈 jump into the pool? It wanted to become a watermelon 🍉.
What are twins’ favorite fruit?
Pairs 🍐.
What's the difference between a baby and a watermelon?
One screams when you put it in a blender, and the other one is a cooperative little fruit.
Fucking Fruit!
playing irl fruit ninja on my arm.
What's a priest's favorite fruit?
Cantaloupe.
How do you turn a fruit into a vegetable?
AIDS.
What do you call an epileptic kid eating fruits?
A blender.
If your boyfriend doesn't get your fruit puns, you got to let that mango.
What are the best kind of fruit for twins? Pears 🍐
What is the healthiest fruit?
An orange 🍊—It takes Vitamin See!
Three Europeans come to America. They all get captured by Native Americans, who want to kill them. However, the Europeans beg to have their lives spared. The Native Americans agree not to kill them on one condition: the Europeans must go into the forest and bring back a fruit, and they will be informed what to do with it.
The first guy comes back with a peach. The Native American says, "Shove it up your ass, if you laugh we kill you." So, he shoves the peach up his ass, laughs, and the Native Americans kill him. The second guy comes back with a grape. The Native American tells him the same thing. He laughs, and the Native American kills him.
They both see each other in heaven, and the first guy says to the second guy, "I had a peach and peaches are fuzzy, so that's why I laughed. But you had a grape, what happened?" The second guy says, "Oh yeah, I was doing just fine until I saw the other guy come back with a pineapple!"
What do dead babies and fruit have in common? Both can become smoothies with the help of a blender!
What do you call a fruit that argues against the position it supports?
The Devil's advocado.