20 years of sex in the dark, the wife finds out he was using a dildo. The wife gets angry and says, "Explain the dildo, prick." The husband says, "Explain the children, bitch."
many years of sex in the dark. The wife find out he was using a dildo. The wife gets angry and says "explain the dildo prick" the husband says "explain the children bitch"!
Two friends who've been bros for forever see each other in Wal-Mart in the card section. The first guy asks what he got his wife for her birthday. The second guy tells him he got her a Maserati and a card. The first guy tells him he got his wife a card and a dildo for her birthday. The second guy asks why he got his wife a dildo for her birthday. The first guy says, "If she doesn't like the card I got her, then she can go fuck herself!"
What does Tofu and a dildo Have in common? They both meat substitute
A girls walks into an Adult Store. "Hi I want to buy that Red Dildo right there"
Cashier: that's a Fire Extinguisher you whore"
Head of Company: We need to stop testing our products on animals. Consultant: Why? The shampoo companies do it. Head of Company: Yeah, but we make dildos.
What's the difference between sand and a dildo? Sand has never gone up my ass.
Your mummy so tall she uses the Effiel tower is a dildo
A man needs to leave for lengthy a business trip, but his wife is saddened by this. She explains to him that if he isn’t home every night, there will be no way to satisfy herself if she feels horny. The man claims that she doesn’t need sex, because a dildo should work just fine. He quickly runs to the local gift shop and asks the cashier if the store carries anything really special. The cashier quietly pulls out an old box, and removes a wooden penis from inside. The cashier states that the dildo has been passed down in his family for generations, and was crafted by a witch deep within the Amazon jungle. The cashier sits up in his chair and shouts “Voodoo Dick, the door!” The wooden penis flies across the room, and begins to rapidly thrust itself in and out of the front door keyhole. “Voodoo Dick, the lamp!” The wooden penis flies up inside of the lamp on the cahsier’s desk, and once again, begins to thrust in and out. “Voodoo Dick, return to your box!” The wooden penis flies back into the box and the cashier closes the lid. The man chooses to buy the wooden penis, and just as he is about to leave, the cashier tells him a very important bit of information regarding the Voodoo Dick: “The cursed dildo can only be controlled through verbal commands, it is far too powerful to be moved by hand.” says the cashier. “You must never forget that!” The man nods and heads home. Later that day, the man explains to his wife how the sex toy works, and then leaves for his trip. A few days later, the wife becomes very horny, and opens up the box. She proceeds to shout “Voodoo Dick, my pussy!” The dildo zooms into her vagina, and pleasures her for roughly 6-8 hours. She soon begins to grow tired, and attempts to pull the dildo out of her. She pulls as hard as she can, but just can’t get it it. The wife panicks, and begins driving to the hospital with the wooden penis still inside of her vagina. A police officer pulls her over for speeding, and asks to see some identification. The wife exclaims “Help, help, there is a Voodoo Dick inside of my vagina and it won’t come out!” The officer raises an eyebrow in disbelief. “Voodoo Dick my ass, bitch.”
i just thought of the best invention ever a vape dildo
What do you get when you cross a deer and a pickle? A Dildo.
A sex addict man meets a rich man around Christmas.
The sex addict asks the rich man, "What are you getting your wife this Christmas?" The rich man replies, "Diamond earrings and a Mercedes." The sex addict asks, "Why are you getting her two gifts?" The rich man says, "Well, if she doesn't like the earrings then she can drive to the store and exchange them."
The sex addict nods. Then the rich man asks him, "So what are you getting your wife this year?" The sex addict thinks about it for a second and replies, "A gold necklace and a dildo."
The rich man asks, "Why those two things?" The sex addict astutely reponds, "This way, if she doesn't like the jewelry she can go f... herself."
Why does the large dildo not have any friends?
He's a pain in the ass.
🤔 ❓ How do lesbians 😳 practice safe 🙏 sex they put condoms on dildos and then they put dildos inside of their 👄 👄 👄 mouths and then they perform fellatio on them
have you ever heard of Jane Doe? well, her husband's name is Dill, so I guess that makes him a dildo!!!
Easy way to get away from rape is to become the rapist all women need to carry a 12inch dildo and a gun!
Why did the heterosexual woman try to put a mask 😷 on her pussy she wanted to protect herself from covid but she did try to put a mask 😷 on her dildo but the mask 😷 keep falling off the dildo
Q:what’s the hardest thing about fucking a dude with a dildo A:making sure he doesn’t wake up
Little Johnny is with his dad behind a garbage truck, when a dildo thumps the windshield. To protect little johnny's innocence he says, "that was a insect." Little Johnny replies," I'm surprised it could get off the ground with a cock like that!"
My girl got mad at me last night for saying to my mom that she had a dildo ready at all times and is always hard so my mom wanted to see so I wiped out my penis and my mom said it’s bigger than your dads
