Chainsaw jokes

Some people can juggle chainsaws. Chuck Norris can juggle people juggling chainsaws.

Grandpa's last words: "Why do you have a chainsaw?"

Why did the man cut down the tree? Because it was there. 👨🪚🌲

Why didn't the man cut down the tree? Because it wasn't there. 😕🪚!?️

Why did the tree cut down the man? Because it was a bad tree. 🌲🪚😮

What does a woman’s pussy and a chainsaw have in common?

Miss by a few inches and you’re in deep shit.

What is white, then red, and is very fast?

My chainsaw blade.

You walk into an old, run-down house and you see that a light is on. You walk over to the light and you see blood all over the room, and you run to the exit to leave, but when you get to the door, somehow it is locked from the outside and you have no choice but to go into the house more. You see another room with a light on, so you go in. When you go in, "flip," all the lights go off, then you see a bright light and then a screen shows up and it says, "Let the game show begin." You see other people next to you and they seem scared, then a wall comes down, you see optical cords and you go on, and then a chainsaw comes at you and it misses you, but the other kid behind you gets hit and dies.

Part two coming soon. This is inspired by the SCP Foundation. Have a nice summer.

Why did the emo trade his knife for a chainsaw?

- To win

I will always remember my grandfather's last words before he died: "Is that a real chainsaw?"

The circular saw asked the chainsaw, "When am I as big as you?"

The chainsaw would answer with, "When you cut down some things in your life. Like your owner."

The circular saw would reply with, "What?"

I hate these double standards.

If you burn a body at a crematorium you're "doing a good job". If you do it at home you're "destroying evidence".

Bleach solves so many problems: stains, dirty dishes, messes, and overpopulation.

A priest and a rabbi run out of a burning church, and the priest says, "What about the children?" The rabbi says, "Fuck the children." And the priest says, "Do you think we'll have time?"

My grandfather never threw anything away, bless him. He died in the war holding on to a hand grenade.

What do bicycles and slaves have in common? They both use chains to work.