I'll always remember my dad's last words... "Why do you have an axe? We live in the city!"
What type of file does it take to turn a 4 mm hole to a 44 mm hole?
A pedophile.
Q: What's the best part about gardening?
A: Getting down and dirty with your hoes.
What did the guy exclaim after inventing the shovel?
It is ground breaking!
What is six inches, has nuts, and is hard?
A sinkers bar.
Why does Santa have three gardens?
So he can Hoe Hoe Hoe!
I'm not saying I hate you. I'm just saying that if I could go back in time I'd give your mom a coat hanger.
Do you have a shovel? Because I’m digging that ass
Let's play carpenter. First, we'll get hammered, then I'll nail you.
The shovel is a Ground Breaking invention. *Slaps and laugh*
Some guy called me a tool. So I got hammered and nailed his girlfriend. Guess he was right.
Why did the guitarist get fired as a carpenter? He was shredding the floor...
What was the last thought Jesus had before he died?
"Man, I could really use a crowbar right about now."
What's better than throwing dead babes?
Catching them after with a pitchfork.
What did the pencil say to the sharpener?please grind me!
What does a lesbian have in common with a mechanic? Snap-on tools
A little girl asks her mum, "Mummy how was I born?" Her mother smiled and replied: Once upon a time, your daddy and I decided to plant a wonderful little seed. Daddy put it in the earth, and I took care of it every single day. The seed slowly grew more and more leaves, and in a few months it turned into a beautiful, healthy plant. So me and Daddy tool the plant, dried it, smoked it and got so hight that we fucked without a condom!
"We've invented the spade!" "Oh wow, this is ground-breaking!"
How do you turn a dishwasher into a snow plow?
Give her a shovel.
Grandpa's last words,why do you have a chain saw
