Tool jokes
Butcher knives are great tools for cutting many things!
Fruit, vegetables, my arms.
How do you get ten babies in a bowl? A blender. How do you get them out? Doritos.
Yo mama so fat that you need a jack stand to get her up.
Ball stretcher.
How do you fix a broken gorilla?
With a monkey wrench.
Why did the rapper bring a shovel to the studio?
Because he was digging for those UNDERGROUND BEATS!
Why do they call matches, matches?
They all look the same.
I have a stepladder because my real ladder left when I was just a kid.
Oh wait, I'm thinking of...
What do you call a can opener that doesn’t work?
A can’t opener!
I have a match!
My ass, your face.
Why did the guy bring a rope to the party?
Because he wanted to hang out... permanently. 💀😈
I remember my grandfather's last words:
"Are you holding the ladder?"
How do you surprise a blind man?
Leave the plunger in the toilet.
What vibrates and is 6 inches?
A toothbrush.
A noose, a knife, a gun, and a razor blade look at a child who committed suicide after being bullied.
Everyone looked at the noose. The noose would say, "What? It wasn't my fault!"
What’s it called when you give an emo some rope as a present?
Murder.
I knew a guy who used to sell wrenches. He was all torque.
What is the difference between a light bulb and a pregnant woman?
You can't unscrew a pregnant woman.
How many people does it take to change a lightbulb underwater? The results are shocking!
What is white, then red, and is very fast?
My chainsaw blade.