Tool

Tool jokes

Bullying

    • A noose, a knife, a gun, and a razor blade look at a child who committed suicide after being bullied.

    Everyone looked at the noose. The noose would say, "What? It wasn't my fault!"

    Knife

    • Someone handed me a knife the other day and told me that it was very smart. I made sure it didn't outsmart me.

    Word

    • I’ll never forget my grandpa's last words to me...

    “Are you still holding the ladder??”

  • 0
    • Tool memes

    Fruit

    • Butcher knives are great tools for cutting many things!

    Fruit, vegetables, my arms.

  • 1

    • Explorer

    • Three unlucky jungle explorers were captured by a band of cannibals. Whilst being tied to three respective stakes, the chieftain announces that the hapless adventurers were about to die.

    "After you're dead, you'll be skinned. The skin will be used to increase our canoe armada, and the rest of you will be food for us and our families."

    This announcement was met with gasps of despair from the bound trio.

    "There is one small favor I can offer you," the chief went on. "We'll let you choose your own method of death from what we have captured from other explorers."

    Some of the tribal members begin walking by, displaying various implements of war and death.

    The first explorer chose a crusty-looking musket. Thankfully, the powder load still fired, and he was dispatched without much fuss.

    The second chose a knife and quickly drew it across his throat.

    Both carcasses were hauled off by various tribesmen.

    The third explorer stood there resolute and deep in thought.

    After a few moments, the chieftain said, "There is no escape, you need to decide now, or I'll decide for yo..."

    "Do you have a fountain pen in any of that junk?" the explorer interrupted?

    Baffled, the chieftain sent two of his men to rummage. They came back bearing the pen and a bottle of ink.

    When the explorer noticed the ink was Noodler's Baystate Blue, his grin spread from ear to ear.

    Gathered round the explorer, spears in hand, the cannibals looked on as he was released and set to work filling the pen with ink.

    Confused, the chief began to speak, "I'm afraid we have no paper, and even if you wrote a final letter, we'd have no way of sending it anywh..."

    Cackling with triumphant glee, the explorer raised the pen into the air and began ramming it into his torso, nib first, again and again. He then fell upon the ground gasping a death rattle.

    Horrified, the chief drew close as the man beckoned him for one final word.

    "But why this painful death? When you had so many other more merciful options?" the chief asked.

    Laughing, the man gasped his last statement into the chief's ear, "You'll make no boats from me now, and your mouths will be blue for months!"

  • 2

    • Baby

    • What's the difference between a baby and a watermelon? One is fun to hit with a sledgehammer, the other is just a watermelon.

    Race Car

    • A little girl and a little boy are taking a bath together when the little girl looks down and asks, "What's that?" The little boy says, "That's my little red race car." 10 minutes later, the boy looks down and asks, "What's that?" The little girl says, "That's my little red race car garage."

    So later that night the boy asks the little girl if he can put his little red race car in her little red race car garage. She says yes, and they pull down their pants and the boy tries putting his little red race car in her garage, but it won't fit. Downstairs, the mother hears an ear-piercing scream and runs upstairs, flips on the lights, and sees blood on the floor. The mother asks, "What happened?" The little girl says, "We tried putting his car in my garage and it wouldn't fit, so I cut the back wheels off."

  • 7