Tool jokes
What is the difference between a pregnant woman and a nail?
Answer: You can unscrew the nail.
What do you call a baby with red curry fried hair?
A baby using a potato peeler and a comb.
I got so bad about cutting myself every time I went to the bathroom, I wanted to break my jacket zipper off and use that!
How many babies does it take to paint a wall?
Depends on how hard you throw them, with fuck.
I impaled my son with a pitchfork...
He looks very sharp.
Penis, neck, rope?
Dcexcedcrd.
Why did the guy bring a rope to the party?
Because he wanted to hang out... permanently. 💀😈
What’s a rapper’s favorite tool?
A mic wrench.
What do you call a can opener that doesn't work? A can't opener.
"Ouch!"
"What's wrong?"
"I stepped on a screw."
"Are you ok?"
"I'm in ex-screw-ciating (excruciating) pain!"
I really need jokes for my Atom bookmark project :3
Ball stretcher.
A jumping cable walked into a bar and the bartender said,
"I will serve you, but don't start anything!"
I lent my calculator to a friend. He is using it to this day.
What do you call an opener that doesn't work?
A can't opener.
Are you a rope? Cause I'm tryna put you around my neck 😏
What's the difference between a truck full of babies and a truck full of bowling balls?
You can only unload one of them with a pitch fork.
A noose, a knife, a gun, and a razor blade look at a child who committed suicide after being bullied.
Everyone looked at the noose. The noose would say, "What? It wasn't my fault!"
What did Santa use as a candy cane?
Wait, wait, I said it wrong.
Okay.
What did Santa use to do his garden...never mind.