I impaled my son with a pitchfork...
He looks very sharp.
Tool Jokes
Penis, neck, rope?
Ball stretcher.
What do you call a can opener that doesn't work? A can't opener.
Why did the guy bring a rope to the party?
Because he wanted to hang out... permanently. 💀😈
"Ouch!"
"What's wrong?"
"I stepped on a screw."
"Are you ok?"
"I'm in ex-screw-ciating (excruciating) pain!"
I really need jokes for my Atom bookmark project :3
A jumping cable walked into a bar and the bartender said,
"I will serve you, but don't start anything!"
Dcexcedcrd.
What’s a rapper’s favorite tool?
A mic wrench.
I lent my calculator to a friend. He is using it to this day.
What do you call an opener that doesn't work?
A can't opener.
Are you a rope? Cause I'm tryna put you around my neck 😏
What's the difference between a truck full of babies and a truck full of bowling balls?
You can only unload one of them with a pitch fork.
A noose, a knife, a gun, and a razor blade look at a child who committed suicide after being bullied.
Everyone looked at the noose. The noose would say, "What? It wasn't my fault!"
What did Santa use as a candy cane?
Wait, wait, I said it wrong.
Okay.
What did Santa use to do his garden...never mind.
I have a match!
My ass, your face.
You wanna know the difference between a rake and your mom? The rake is actually useful.
How do you get ten babies in a bowl?
A blender.
How do you get them out?
Doritos.
What do you call an alligator with a magnifying glass?
An Investigator.