Crowbar jokes
Sticks and stones may break my bones, but a crowbar could do it so much quicker.
What was the last thought Jesus had before he died?
"Man, I could really use a crowbar right about now."
My last 15 minutes as a 23 y/o!!
It's not my birthday, but a scary-looking man with a crowbar just broke into my house.
Lemme tell you a little story.
It鈥檚 night. You鈥檙e in your room, trying to sleep. But you keep hearing it鈥攕cratching. Soft at first. Like fingernails on wood. You tell yourself it鈥檚 rats, or the house settling. But it keeps going. Slow... then faster.
So finally, you get outta bed. You get on your hands and knees, put your ear to the floor. And you hear it. A voice. Whispers. Crying.
Your heart鈥檚 pounding. You grab a crowbar. You pry up the floorboards. One by one. Your sweat鈥檚 dripping into the dust. The noise gets louder.
And finally... you peel back the last plank.
And you see these eyes. Wide and terrified. And a pale little face staring up at you.
BOOOOOOO!!!!
It鈥檚 Anne Frank.
Hey, pass me that crowbar, please.
Sure... y鈥檏now, before the crowbar was invented, crows had to drink at home.
I broke up with my girlfriend, so I stole her wheelchair, and guess who came crawling back.
A blind man walks into a bar, and a table, and a door, and a staircase.
Give a man a gun, and he will rob a bank.
Give a man a bank, and he will rob everyone.
A man walks into a bar with an alligator and a stick. He walks up to the bartender and offers to put on a show for the bar's patrons in exchange for a drink. The bartender agrees, so he pulls down his pants, sticks his dick in the alligator's mouth, and starts whacking it with the stick. After he's done and gets his drink, he asks if anyone else would like a go.
A lady gets up and says yes, she would like a go, asks that he doesn't hit her with the stick.