Time jokes

What time is it when you can smell smoke inside?

Time to get outside!

I got pranked so many times. Once I saw two wheels rolling down the street. I heard this noise. I looked behind me. There's a legless man in a wheelless chair screaming, "HELP! I CAN'T GO ANYWHERE!" but I walked away. I knew it was a prank.

If the average male walks 1.7 miles a day, then why did my dad take 13 years to get the milk?

Three guys walk into a room where a man is sitting with an assortment of foods on his plate because it's lunchtime. The guys ask the man to do a favor, and he says, "Sorry guys, I have a lot on my plate!"

I was born yesterday, and I walked down memory lane. I fell over the edge!

Kids, next time you have school dinners, make sure you have something you actually like so you don't have to shove all your food over to one side of the plate to make it look like you've eaten more than you actually have.

Last time I got caught stealing a calendar, I got 12 months.

I bought my son an Xbox in 2017. It’s now 2018, and I’m still waiting for him to open it.

What did the vegetable say to the other before the fight?

Time to beet your maker.

Hi guys, I am Logan Taub the toad. I just want to say that my cock is so, so, so tiny. It could fit 50 times in the crack of my butt chin!!!!! Also, I am trans👍

Why can’t you tell JFK facts about Dallas?

Last time he was there, he got his mind blown.

Okay, so one time a deaf kid got into a car accident, but he didn't herd in on the news.

My history teacher asked my class what time they would go back to just to see what happened.

I said I'd go back to Hitler's childhood to tell him the lies that he becomes the ruler of the world by starting the Nazis, and leave his death out of the discussion.

I was at work and then a little kid came up to me and she said, "What happened to all the parents?" She sounded so confused, so I told her, "It's only yours, kid, they left you on purpose." She cried. I felt bad for a second and thought, oh well, time to get back to my job at the orphanage.

My joke: You have to guess, answers come at 3:00. Why did the cow jump into space?

Hint... it smelled its favorite food 🍱 and saw its future!

That hint was technically the whole answer. Can you guess in 3 hours? Lol, I will be posting every time, and my giveaway starts at 5:00: my mega fly ride bat dragon 🐉 and five jungle eggs.

I've come to the conclusion that Trump is the fifth Teletubby.

He's fat, orange, and speaks in gibberish all the time.

Hickory dickory dock, the mouse ran up the clock.

He finally got up there, but a bird stole his co-.

Your hairline is so far back, it was in a different time zone on a flight with you.

At night time, in Africa, it's known as the darkest country. Till this day, I still wonder why.

Why don't Indians play soccer?

Because every time they take a corner, they open up a shop.