Time jokes
A young man was crossing the road when a frog called out to him and said, "If you kiss me, I will turn into a beautiful princess." The man took the frog, smiled at it, and put it in his wallet.
The frog called out again, "If you kiss me and I turn into a princess, I will live with you for a week and do everything you want." The young man took the frog out, smiled, and put it back.
Then the frog called out, "Okay, okay! I will be with you and do whatever you want forever!" The young man laughed and put it back in his wallet.
Finally, the frog asked, "What is wrong with you? I'm offering to be a beautiful princess! Why won't you kiss me?"
The young man said, "Listen, I'm an engineer. I don't have time for a girlfriend, but a talking frog is pretty cool."
Q. What's the difference between a baby and a bale of straw?
A. I got arrested last time I speared a baby with a pitchfork.
I bought a belt made of clocks.
It was a waist of time.
Say Fentanyl 3 times in the mirror and you'll see Derek Chauvin kneeling on George Floyd's neck.
I keep hearing "Obesity kills."
My only question is "Why is it taking so long?"
Q: What did Britney say to Kevin when they were in bed?
A: "Hit me baby one more time."
My therapist said, "Time heals all wounds," so I cut her.
If someone says 67 one more time, I'll say 9/11 and swoop right under their feet like the Twin Towers.
What’s one thing that comes up at the worst possible time and ruins your day?
A period.
A manager asked a black employee to work overtime. The employee initially agreed until he was told it would be without pay.
The employee responded with, "You know what happened last time my family worked for free?"
"What happened?" said the manager.
"A civil war."
You will find your dad that left to get the milk before your hairline.
The terrorists suck at [something]. They lost two times to the Twin Towers? Like, how do you land so far from it? One of them landed in a field.
Alright listen up you penis sucking chicken muching grape juice sipping BLACKIE!!! This is Explain Bear here to explain the joke. So the joke of “Why did the chicken cross the road” is that you expect it to be a funny punchline. But instead, you get a straightforward answer “To get to the other side” which is the logical explanation to that question. The humor is found in subversion to the subversion of expectation. Double whammy!!! So yeah that was another joke successfully explained by EXPLAIN BEAR!!!!! Dont forget to like and subscribe to my youtube channel, and until next time, BEAR OUT!!!!!!!
3 people having sex is a threesome, 2 is a twosome. So next time someone calls you 'HANDSOME', don't take it as a compliment!
My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.
I diddled for a total of 67 times. I am the ultra Gooner. My cum is everywhere. I am the goon master.
A black n***a crashes a neighborhood barbecue, bragging about his 'hood credentials' while hogging all the ribs and collard greens. The host calls him out, 'Yo, pay up or get out. Ain't no freebies here.' He laughs it off, 'Man, I run this block!' But the host's burly brother, who's been grilling the whole time, snarls, 'Wrong, fool. Time to settle the score.' He pins him against the picnic table, wraps a chain leash around his neck from the dog run, edges him with a vibrating basting brush slathered in hot sauce, and then plows his ass deep and hard, grunting, 'Now you're the main course, spicier than the jerk chicken!'
A black guy walks into a store to buy some watermelon and fried chicken. The cashier says, "That'll be $20." He pulls out his wallet, but it's empty. Suddenly, a bigger black guy bursts in, grabs him, and says, "Time to pay up, n***a!" Then he bends him over the counter and fucks him in the ass.
You know the saying, "Third time's the charm?"
Well, Germany lost twice.
What’s the best part about having sex with a pregnant woman?
You can have sex and a blow job at the same time.