Time jokes
"My love, I missed you."
"Aww, I missed you too."
"I did not miss *that* time!"
I have the superpower to predict the past.
You remind me of a pencil.
Why?
Because at one time, you actually made a valid point. This time, everything is pointless with you around.
Wife: "Did you notice that the child is actually not yours?"
Husband: "I've been suspecting this for a long time. Finally you admit it."
Wife: "What are you talking about? I asked you to pick up our child from the kindergarten. But the child you picked up is not ours!"
I always enjoy family reunions.
It's always a good time meeting up with my exes.
What's the difference between ICE and ISIS?
One of them says their prayers five times a day.
What do you do in India when you need to tell the time but don't have the money for a watch?
You bob your head from side to side like a metronome.
What is written on the gravestone of a TV reporter?
"You must be back at 8:00 p.m."
What do Indian and Jewish people have in common?
They both avoid the showers at all times.
Spanish folks must love Olaf because they say his name to me all the time.
Every time French people greet me, they say "banjo."
Nga, I don't got no fucking banjo.
Why can orphans stay out until whatever time?
Because their parents won't tell them when to come home.
What is the difference between a microwave and a basket?
The microwave oven does not explode within the set time.
If possible, I refrain from brunching celebrities. My path is smooth. The table receives the branching.
When I arrived at my friend's house and, after a long time, I was given permission to pick from the branches and graze the dog, I agreed. Then the work begins. "No, no money," I replied, "that's why I'm a burden to the world that hurts me."
And when I told them, they told me and said they were there. If I had a job, I would be fired on the first day for bad behavior. The best solution is to avoid this situation.
A lovely and clean kebab restaurant with the option to sit at the bar, sit outside, or eat in.
Besides kebabs, they also offer other typical dishes, such as cholodki. They also have a selection of different pizzas. The photo shows various kebab dishes with potatoes, rice, and salad. This time, the rice is mixed with oats. Enjoy! The other two kebabs are also delicious, but I didn't try them. As always, I was treated very kindly, and the service and quality ensured that they were always happy to help.
As a foodie, I have to say that this is the best kebab restaurant. Next time, I'll try the pizza and come back again.
What’s something you can say about vacation, but not about your girlfriend?
Next time I’m bringing all my friends.
Donald Trump travels back in time to talk to his 10-year-old self.
When he sees himself, he says, "Do you see me? I am you, but almost 70 years older."
His 10-year-old self asks him, "Am I going to be famous?"
Trump replies, "Oh yeah, I became president of the United States. Not once. Twice!"
10-year-old Donald was shocked. But he became even more shocked when he heard the next sentence from his current self: "And now take off your pants!"
I remember when I saw my dad's penis for the first time.
I said, "Dad, don't text me shit like that."
I just found out that one of the new Star Wars shows is going to be about the time that some malware overloaded all of their computers, and I can tell from the title that those computers use Windows!
It's called "The Bad Batch File!"
What happens if you look in the mirror and say fentanyl 3 times? You'll see Derek Chauvin kneeling on George Floyd's neck.