Time

Time Jokes

Parent

I don't understand parents who disown their kids if they're gay or if they become an atheist. The only time you should disown your child is if they become an AISH worker.

Vagina

A vagina is like the weather. Once it’s wet, it’s time to go inside.

AI

You ever try sexting with AI? Every time I type “I’m coming,” it replies, “Coming where? Need directions?”

Danielle Smith

Danielle Smith obviously can't understand a rhetorical question.

Every time you ask her if she can get any dumber, she takes it as a challenge.

Pregnancy

What does a burnt pizza, cold beer, and a pregnant woman have in common?

Someone didn’t pull it out in time.

Hooker

A teenage boy decides to go see a hooker for the first time and asks his experienced uncle for some tips.

"Uncle, what should I do about the hooker name? Should I ask her real name or should I come up with a name for her myself?"

"Kid, I've been fucking hookers for 20 years and I didn't even know they had names."

Year

What's the difference between a tire and 365 used condoms?

One’s a Good Year, the other’s a great year.

Man

What’s the difference between a man and a margarita?

A margarita hits the spot every time.

Priest

There were four men eating dinner on the Titanic when it hit the iceberg.

The waiter said, "We have to get to the lifeboats!"

The teacher said, "What about the kids?"

The lawyer said, "Fuck the kids."

The priest said, "Do you think we'll have time?"

Man

What’s the difference between a man and a margarita?

A margarita hits the spot every time.

Age

What goes up but never comes down? Your age. You have probably heard this joke before.

Nun

What is the difference between a nun and a prostitute?

One is for Sunday morning, and one is for Sunday night.

Road

To make tea, road, road, road, road.

Case.

The space of space, Der der.

The chosen week was chosen.

Object.

Der mezzer lakes.

Student

If you are a student at law school, a law professor can charge you up to $98,998.00 for one semester.

If the law professor is very late and is not punctual to teach you anything about law in his class, should a law student be able to charge the law professor a certain amount of money for not being able to teach his class because he is off task and not being punctual? Is your time precious too?

If the law professor is Polish, now you know the reason why you should never go to a law school that has a "dumb polack" for a law professor.

Sorry for your luck; it sucks to be you!

Virgin

Comic: God, you're a fuckin' virgin, aren't you?!

Gerald: No! I've been 'round the block loads of times; women practically drool over me.

Comic: Yeah, and the Archbishop of Banterbury, mate. A name like Gerald, and with added 'four eyes' like them shit pair of glasses from FOUR EYED SPECCY INSTITUTION, mate, the only woman your dick has been in was when you were inside your mom's womb.

Pool

What do women and pools have in common?

They both cost a lot of money to maintain for the amount of time you’re inside of them.