My fondest childhood memory was building sandcastles with my grandfather. That is, until my mom took the urn away from me.
My mom died when we couldn’t remember her blood type. As she died, she kept telling us to “be positive,” but it’s hard without her.
I'd tell a joke about my abusive dad, but I only remember the punch line.
I remember my grandfather's last words: "Is that loaded?"
So, my parents were telling me about this dark joke they made 17 years ago, but they didn't actually tell me the joke.
My dad is like Hurricane Katrina. I haven’t seen either since 2005.
Tell a woman she's beautiful a hundred times, and she won't believe you. Tell a woman she's fat once, and she will remember it for the rest of her life because elephants never forget.
What does a dad and the Twin Towers have in common? Once they're gone they never come back.
The oldest computer can be traced back to Adam and Eve. It was an apple, but with extremely limited memory. Just 1 byte. And then everything crashed.
What leaves a bigger memory than a passionate kiss?
A stab wound.
I couldn’t quite remember how to throw a boomerang, but eventually it came back to me.
Knock knock! Who's there? It's Dave! Dave who? Dave proceeds to break down crying at the realization that his grandmother's Alzheimers has progressed to the point where she no longer remembers him.
Me having a good day. Going on a walk on a peaceful day.
My depression: hey, what's up!
Me: go away.
My depression: well how rude.
Me: 🙄.
My depression: remember that one time......
Me: no, don't even.
My depression: that we.....
Me: nope.
My depression: *says really fast*: said that one stupid joke that wasn't funny and everybody just stared at you, and then you spilled water all over yourself and it looked like you peed yourself. And you went home and cried yourself to sleep just like you do every single night.
Me: 😳😶😟.
My depression: 😉 don't worry I'll always be here for you.
Today I learned humans eat more bananas than monkeys. -- I can't remember the last time I ate a monkey.
Why couldn’t most people remember 9/11?
Because it flew over their heads.
I'll never forget my grandma's last words, "What are you doing in here with that hammer?"
A preacher was selling a horse. A cowboy decided to buy the horse. The preacher told the cowboy to make the horse go, to say 'Thank God' and to stop the horse, to say ' Hallelujah'. The cowboy then rode off into the sunset until he came upon a cliff, searching his memory he yelled hallelujah and the horse stopped just before going off the cliff. Then the cowboy said 'Thank God".
My dad died when we couldn't remember his blood type. As he died, he kept insisting for us to "be positive," but it's hard without him.
Patient: I'm starting to forget things Doctor: Since when have you had this condition? Patient: What condition?
-the emo went 2 give the tree a high 5 but the emo was left hanging - how did the gay person die? homocide -why did the emo get kicked out of the amusement park? he was cutting in line - when does a joke turn into a dad joke? when it leaves and never comes back -I cried when my dad chopped onions. onions was such a good dog -I have happy memories building sandcastles with my dad, until my mom took his urn away -how is the person over there different the cancer? his dad didn't beat cancer
I hope u like this it took 5 minutes to make. what's_up also has good jokes to favorite him/her/them plz
