I hate how funerals are always at 9 a.m. -- I'm not really a mourning person.
I've just been fired from the clock making factory after all those extra hours I put in.
Why was the man fired from a calendar factory? -- He took a day off.
Do your buses run on time? No, they run on diesel.
A bus is a vehicle that runs twice as fast when you are after it as when you are in it.
Dagger. This is to get your attention, for Dagger Jr. and I. We’d like to speak with you, and possibly Lynx, if we can find a time to all talk.
I believe in a woman's right to choose... ... whether she wants to cook first and then clean or clean first and then cook.
I was going to buy a watch today but I didn't have time
man: hi doc, i have a problem. i take a shit at 6:00am every morning. doc: whats wrong with that. man: i dont wake up until 8:00am
Hi! Sorry I haven't posted in a while. Ive been so busy!!!! I miss yall though!
Q: Why are gay people never late for their flight? A: They get their shit packed the night before.
How do you kill time
Easy taking alarm clock and an assault rifle
I have a daily routine where I take a crap every morning at 6AM but wake up at 7AM. And it's not even a joke.
What time do you call me tomorrow
I went to jail because i gave the orphan kid a calendar with 363 days
(i deleted mother's day and father's day)
Pilot: So Kobe, it seems like you’re not going to make it to your destination in time so I’m going to put it on autopilot so I can find a place to fill with gas.
Kobe: take us to the side of that mountain at full speed. I don’t really want to go to the event anymore.
I will be back on tomorrow at 5pm cst
Why was the train late?
It kept getting side-tracked.
Amber Heard morning schedule: - Wake up - Eat breakfast - Take a shit - Get out of bed - Shower
What time eeeeeee
