I accidentally drank a little food colouring last night. I ended up dying inside.
*Loud explosion inside the tank*
"Where's the commander?" "He's gone." "Where has he gone?" "All over the place."
A female class teacher was having a problem with a boy in her class in Grade 3.... The boy said, "Madam, I should be in Grade 4. I am smarter than my sister & she's in Grade 4".
The Madam had heard enough and took the boy to the principal.The principal decided to test the boy with some questions from Grade 4.
*Principal:* What is 3+3?
The boy got all the questions right. The principal told the Madam to send the boy to Grade 4 immediately. The Madam decided to ask her own questions and the principal agreed.
*Madam:* What does a cow have 4 of that I have only 2?
*Madam:* What is in your trousers that I don't have?
*Madam:* What starts with a C and ends with T, is hairy, oval, delicious and contains thin, whitish liquid?
*Madam:* What goes in hard & then comes out soft & sticky?
The principal's eyes opened really wide, but before he could stop the answer, the boy was taking charge
*Boy:* Bubble gum.
*Madam:* You stick your pole inside me. You tie me down to get me up, I get wet before you do.
*The principal was looking restless*
*Madam:* A finger goes in me. You fiddle with me when you are bored. The best man always has me first?.
*Boy:* Wedding ring.
*Madam:* I come in many sizes. When I'm not well, I Drip. When you blow me, you feel good?
*Madam:* I have a stiff shaft. My tip penetrates, I come with a quiver.
*Principal:* O MY GOD.
*Madam:* What starts with 'F' and ends wit a 'K' and if you don't get it, you've to use your hand?
*Madam:* What is it that all men have, it's longer in some men than others, the Pope doesn't use his and a man gives it to his wife after marriage?
*Principal:* Ohooo !
*Madam:* What part of the man has no bone but has muscles with a lot of veins like pumpkin and is responsible for making love?
*Principal:* Eeeeeh! The principal breathed a sigh of relief and said to the Madam, "Send this bloody boy to the university. I myself got all the answers wrong!"
I'm like a broken refrigerator, cool but broken inside
Q:Do you know why people dont like abortion jokes? A: Because they leave people with a feeling of emptyness inside.
man asks a women: Are you a school? women: No why? man: Oh i wanted to shoot my kid inside of you.
I go into get a prostate exam, I'm nervous but the doctor says its all natural and needs to be done.
So he pulls down my pants and sticks one finger up my ass. I feel it go deeper inside , feeling for abnormalities.
That's when I realize his hands are on my shoulders.
That awkward moment when your checking yourself out in the window of a car and you realize there’s somebody inside
What did Michael Jackson say to the kid on his lap
You have a great singer inside you
If you were a food what would you be?
Friend 1-Pizza cause I’m so cheesy
Friend 2-Chocolate chip cookie cause I have lots of friends
Me-donut cause I’m so empty inside
On the inside of a fire hydrant you'll find H2O. What's on the outside? K9P
What is a similarity between a pregnant 14-year-old and the fetus inside of her?
They both are thinking "Shit! Mom is gonna kill me!"
What's worse than locking your keyes in the car in front of an abortion clinic?
Having to go back inside and ask to borrow a hanger.
best friend makes 9/11 joke
you: hey my dad was inside the tower
best friend: im sorry
you: I always knew he was a great pilot
They say I’ll mess up my insides, but I don’t have any.
What do kidnappers and Mickey Mouse have in common: come inside it’s fun inside
What is the difference between a suicidal person and you? None you are both dead on the inside.
Business Interview With Depression Inside my brain...
Me: So... You're new? Depression: (I don't know who he is yet) mHMMMmmm! Me: Well what are your skills? Depression: Oh, taking control and leading... You know... Me: What are you trying out for? Depression: Oh, Vice Leader of Negative Thoughts. Me: Well we do need someone over there- for somewhat reason nobody wanted that job... Me: How did you know about us? Depression: Oh- I knew because of Anxiety, you know, we're friends! Me: Interesting... (Still has no idea about Anxiety and it's problemos) Me: Well I think you're signed up! I'll give you the job! Depression: tHaNKS :)
AND THATS HOW MY LIFE GOT DESTROYED :]
Why does the nucleus feel trapped? Because it’s inside a cell!
A nun walked into a bar with her clothes on inside out. The bartender asked her about it and she replied, "Its a bad habit"