Puns

Anonymous

I accidentally drank a little food colouring last night. I ended up dying inside.

Explosion

Anonymous

Loud explosion inside the tank

“Where’s the commander?” “He’s gone.” “Where has he gone?” “All over the place.”

0
Advertisement

People

Anonymous

Q:Do you know why people dont like abortion jokes? A: Because they leave people with a feeling of emptyness inside.

Wife

random person

A female class teacher was having a problem with a boy in her class in Grade 3… The boy said, “Madam, I should be in Grade 4. I am smarter than my sister & she’s in Grade 4”.

The Madam had heard enough and took the boy to the principal.The principal decided to test the boy with some questions from Grade 4.

Principal: What is 3+3?

Boy: 6.

Principal: 6+6.

Boy: 12.

The boy got all the questions right. The principal told the Madam to send the boy to Grade 4 immediately. The Madam decided to ask her own questions and the principal agreed.

Madam: What does a cow have 4 of that I have only 2?

Boy: Legs.

Madam: What is in your trousers that I don’t have?

Boy: Pockets.

Madam: What starts with a C and ends with T, is hairy, oval, delicious and contains thin, whitish liquid?

Boy: Coconut.

Madam: What goes in hard & then comes out soft & sticky?

The principal’s eyes opened really wide, but before he could stop the answer, the boy was taking charge

Boy: Bubble gum.

Madam: You stick your pole inside me. You tie me down to get me up, I get wet before you do.

Boy: Tent.

The principal was looking restless

Madam: A finger goes in me. You fiddle with me when you are bored. The best man always has me first?.

Boy: Wedding ring.

Madam: I come in many sizes. When I’m not well, I Drip. When you blow me, you feel good?

Boy: Nose.

Madam: I have a stiff shaft. My tip penetrates, I come with a quiver.

Boy: Arrow.

Principal: O MY GOD.

Madam: What starts with ‘F’ and ends wit a ‘K’ and if you don’t get it, you’ve to use your hand?

Boy: Fork.

Madam: What is it that all men have, it’s longer in some men than others, the Pope doesn’t use his and a man gives it to his wife after marriage?

Boy: Surname.

Principal: Ohooo !

Madam: What part of the man has no bone but has muscles with a lot of veins like pumpkin and is responsible for making love?

Boy: Heart.

Principal: Eeeeeh! The principal breathed a sigh of relief and said to the Madam, “Send this bloody boy to the university. I myself got all the answers wrong!”

Depression

Spud potato

I’m like a broken refrigerator, cool but broken inside

3
Advertisement

Shooting

Dom

man asks a women: Are you a school? women: No why? man: Oh i wanted to shoot my kid inside of you.

7

Finger

Thomas

I go into get a prostate exam, I’m nervous but the doctor says its all natural and needs to be done.

So he pulls down my pants and sticks one finger up my ass. I feel it go deeper inside , feeling for abnormalities.

That’s when I realize his hands are on my shoulders.

Fire

Anonymous

On the inside of a fire hydrant you’ll find H2O. What’s on the outside? K9P

Car

Your mum

That awkward moment when your checking yourself out in the window of a car and you realize there’s somebody inside

Advertisement

Old

Meme Machine

What is a similarity between a pregnant 14-year-old and the fetus inside of her?

They both are thinking “Shit! Mom is gonna kill me!”

7

Depression

Anonymous

They say I’ll mess up my insides, but I don’t have any.

Depression

Being Depressed is gReAT

Business Interview With Depression Inside my brain…

Me: So… You’re new? Depression: (I don’t know who he is yet) mHMMMmmm! Me: Well what are your skills? Depression: Oh, taking control and leading… You know… Me: What are you trying out for? Depression: Oh, Vice Leader of Negative Thoughts. Me: Well we do need someone over there- for somewhat reason nobody wanted that job… Me: How did you know about us? Depression: Oh- I knew because of Anxiety, you know, we’re friends! Me: Interesting… (Still has no idea about Anxiety and it’s problemos) Me: Well I think you’re signed up! I’ll give you the job! Depression: tHaNKS :)

AND THATS HOW MY LIFE GOT DESTROYED :]

1

Body

Anonymous

Why does the nucleus feel trapped? Because it’s inside a cell!

Advertisement

Difference

Anonymous

What is the difference between a suicidal person and you? None you are both dead on the inside.

2

Car

Anonymous

What’s worse than locking your keyes in the car in front of an abortion clinic?

Having to go back inside and ask to borrow a hanger.

Kidnapping

Hi

What do kidnappers and Mickey Mouse have in common: come inside it’s fun inside

Depression

Anonymous

If you were a food what would you be?

Friend 1-Pizza cause I’m so cheesy

Friend 2-Chocolate chip cookie cause I have lots of friends

Me-donut cause I’m so empty inside

Advertisement

Nun

Anonymous

A nun walked into a bar with her clothes on inside out. The bartender asked her about it and she replied, “Its a bad habit”

3

Car

Dylby

What do most 50-year-old men put inside there cars

Children

2

Point

Anonymous

What’s the darkest point in the universe? The inside of a KFC

6