Inside Jokes

Anonymous
in Puns

I accidentally drank a little food colouring last night. I ended up dying inside.

Anonymous

*Loud explosion inside the tank*

"Where's the commander?" "He's gone." "Where has he gone?" "All over the place."

0
random person

A female class teacher was having a problem with a boy in her class in Grade 3.... The boy said, "Madam, I should be in Grade 4. I am smarter than my sister & she's in Grade 4".

The Madam had heard enough and took the boy to the principal.The principal decided to test the boy with some questions from Grade 4.

*Principal:* What is 3+3?

*Boy:* 6.

*Principal:* 6+6.

*Boy:* 12.

The boy got all the questions right. The principal told the Madam to send the boy to Grade 4 immediately. The Madam decided to ask her own questions and the principal agreed.

*Madam:* What does a cow have 4 of that I have only 2?

*Boy:* Legs.

*Madam:* What is in your trousers that I don't have?

*Boy:* Pockets.

*Madam:* What starts with a C and ends with T, is hairy, oval, delicious and contains thin, whitish liquid?

*Boy:* Coconut.

*Madam:* What goes in hard & then comes out soft & sticky?

The principal's eyes opened really wide, but before he could stop the answer, the boy was taking charge

*Boy:* Bubble gum.

*Madam:* You stick your pole inside me. You tie me down to get me up, I get wet before you do.

*Boy:* Tent.

*The principal was looking restless*

*Madam:* A finger goes in me. You fiddle with me when you are bored. The best man always has me first?.

*Boy:* Wedding ring.

*Madam:* I come in many sizes. When I'm not well, I Drip. When you blow me, you feel good?

*Boy:* Nose.

*Madam:* I have a stiff shaft. My tip penetrates, I come with a quiver.

*Boy:* Arrow.

*Principal:* O MY GOD.

*Madam:* What starts with 'F' and ends wit a 'K' and if you don't get it, you've to use your hand?

*Boy:* Fork.

*Madam:* What is it that all men have, it's longer in some men than others, the Pope doesn't use his and a man gives it to his wife after marriage?

*Boy:* Surname.

*Principal:* Ohooo !

*Madam:* What part of the man has no bone but has muscles with a lot of veins like pumpkin and is responsible for making love?

*Boy:* Heart.

*Principal:* Eeeeeh! The principal breathed a sigh of relief and said to the Madam, "Send this bloody boy to the university. I myself got all the answers wrong!"

Spud potato
in Depression

I'm like a broken refrigerator, cool but broken inside

4
Anonymous

Q:Do you know why people dont like abortion jokes? A: Because they leave people with a feeling of emptyness inside.

2
Dom

man asks a women: Are you a school? women: No why? man: Oh i wanted to shoot my kid inside of you.

7
Thomas

I go into get a prostate exam, I'm nervous but the doctor says its all natural and needs to be done.

So he pulls down my pants and sticks one finger up my ass. I feel it go deeper inside , feeling for abnormalities.

That's when I realize his hands are on my shoulders.

Your mum

That awkward moment when your checking yourself out in the window of a car and you realize there’s somebody inside

kool aid man
in Michael Jackson

What did Michael Jackson say to the kid on his lap

You have a great singer inside you

Anonymous
in Depression

If you were a food what would you be?

Friend 1-Pizza cause I’m so cheesy

Friend 2-Chocolate chip cookie cause I have lots of friends

Me-donut cause I’m so empty inside

Anonymous
in Animal

On the inside of a fire hydrant you'll find H2O. What's on the outside? K9P

Meme Machine

What is a similarity between a pregnant 14-year-old and the fetus inside of her?

They both are thinking "Shit! Mom is gonna kill me!"

9
Anonymous
in Worse

What's worse than locking your keyes in the car in front of an abortion clinic?

Having to go back inside and ask to borrow a hanger.

Anonymous

best friend makes 9/11 joke

you: hey my dad was inside the tower

best friend: im sorry

you: I always knew he was a great pilot

Anonymous
in Depression

They say I’ll mess up my insides, but I don’t have any.

Hi
in Kidnapping

What do kidnappers and Mickey Mouse have in common: come inside it’s fun inside

Anonymous
in Anti-jokes

What is the difference between a suicidal person and you? None you are both dead on the inside.

3
Being Depressed is gReAT
in Depression

Business Interview With Depression Inside my brain...

Me: So... You're new? Depression: (I don't know who he is yet) mHMMMmmm! Me: Well what are your skills? Depression: Oh, taking control and leading... You know... Me: What are you trying out for? Depression: Oh, Vice Leader of Negative Thoughts. Me: Well we do need someone over there- for somewhat reason nobody wanted that job... Me: How did you know about us? Depression: Oh- I knew because of Anxiety, you know, we're friends! Me: Interesting... (Still has no idea about Anxiety and it's problemos) Me: Well I think you're signed up! I'll give you the job! Depression: tHaNKS :)

AND THATS HOW MY LIFE GOT DESTROYED :]

2
Anonymous
in Body

Why does the nucleus feel trapped? Because it’s inside a cell!

Anonymous
in Bar

A nun walked into a bar with her clothes on inside out. The bartender asked her about it and she replied, "Its a bad habit"

4