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I go into get a prostate exam, I’m nervous but the doctor says its all natural and needs to be done.

So he pulls down my pants and sticks one finger up my ass. I feel it go deeper inside , feeling for abnormalities.

That’s when I realize his hands are on my shoulders.

What’s the darkest point in the universe? The inside of a KFC

What is a similarity between a pregnant 14-year-old and the fetus inside of her?

They both are thinking “Shit! Mom is gonna kill me!”

Loud explosion inside the tank

“Where’s the commander?” “He’s gone.” “Where has he gone?” “All over the place.”

I accidentally drank a little food colouring last night. I ended up dying inside.

What do most 50-year-old men put inside there cars

Children

Business Interview With Depression Inside my brain…

Me: So… You’re new? Depression: (I don’t know who he is yet) mHMMMmmm! Me: Well what are your skills? Depression: Oh, taking control and leading… You know… Me: What are you trying out for? Depression: Oh, Vice Leader of Negative Thoughts. Me: Well we do need someone over there- for somewhat reason nobody wanted that job… Me: How did you know about us? Depression: Oh- I knew because of Anxiety, you know, we’re friends! Me: Interesting… (Still has no idea about Anxiety and it’s problemos) Me: Well I think you’re signed up! I’ll give you the job! Depression: tHaNKS :)

AND THATS HOW MY LIFE GOT DESTROYED :]

If I was an object in this world I’d be a glass! Because if you leave me when I’m too close to the edge I will likely shatter and break.

If I was a pizza topping I would be pineapple! Because everybody doubts me.

I’m a star! Because one of these days I’m going to crash and burn…

If I could choose what creature I come back as after I die I’d be a panda, because people would give a shit if I went extinct.

I’m like the sun; I’m painful to look at.

If I was a food I would be chopped liver because nobody likes me.

I’m like an eggshell… broken and empty.

If I was a mythical creature I’d be a unicorn! Because nobody believes in me.

I’m like a flashlight with old batteries inside because my inner light died a long time ago.

My soul is a raisin because it’s dried up shriveled, and not everyone likes it.

I’m like the moon because you only get to see one side of me.

I’m like the moon because as the month progresses my life becomes covered more and more by darkness.

I’m like an Ex streamly powerful fan! Because I push everyone away.

I’m like a disposable camera! People use me once and then just throw me away.

I’m like a shity book cover… because people think they have the right to judge and label me before they read my pages.

My brain and body is essentially a really old married couple that can’t afford to go through with the divorce and now they are stuck in a toxic relationship they are desperate to escape but the more they try the more they sink into the quicksand that is my depression and anxiety

Help me…

man asks a women: Are you a school? women: No why? man: Oh i wanted to shoot my kid inside of you.

This guy in a trench coat walks up to a kid, opens the trench coat and has glasses inside. He says to the kid, “Hey kid, want some extra-see”

That awkward moment when your checking yourself out in the window of a car and you realize there’s somebody inside

What is the difference between a suicidal person and you? None you are both dead on the inside.

On the inside of a fire hydrant you’ll find H2O. What’s on the outside? K9P

What’s 12 inches and is moist inside? My record holding cucumbers locally grown at my farm

Why does the nucleus feel trapped? Because it’s inside a cell!

How many people does it take to screw in a light bulb it takes two but don’t ask me how they get inside

A blind man walks into a bar And a table And a chair

play dead they said wasn’t to hard I’ve been dead inside for years

Kid: “Mom. What happened to jim?” Mom: He got inside a white van.”

(Credit to Meme Machine)

What’s the similarity between a 14-year-old girl and the fetus inside her? They’re both thinking, “Oh f..., mom is gonna kill me!”