Time jokes

Your hairline is so bad, it goes back in time!

I’m tall when I’m young, and I’m short when I’m old. What am I?

What goes up but never comes down?

Your mama is so fat, by the time I swerved to miss her with the car, I ran out of gas.

I poo 11 times a day.

"What time is it?"

"Daytime."

Mummy, how was I born?

Mummy replied, "Well, your father and I got married, and soon I became fat and you came out, and then in, out, in, out, and after you did that a million times, you were born."

I hope next time you ask your teacher to go to the toilet, your teacher says no, but when someone else asks, the teacher says yes to them.

What's the only time a Pentagon has four sides? When a plane intercepts into it.

Just burned 2,000 calories. That's the last time I leave brownies in the oven while I nap.

If I had a dime for every time I heard someone say that F was the villain (Alphabet Lore), I would be rich.

Yo momma is so old, her birthday's expired.

When I got to you and I was android and we were all in Minecraft for the last two years and we had the same problem UI with you anymore but you can see it on Instagram that it is not a real time thing or a android.

Parent: Have you seen your sister?

Son: No, the last time I saw her was when we were playing hide and seek.

Why did the clock go out to the gazebo? To spend some time out.

Why do orphans only have 363 days in a year?

Because they miss Mother’s Day and Father’s Day.

Yo momma's so old that even scientists get baffled about where she lived before Earth was created.

The time I saw you and you asked me to be your friend.

Me: "Yeah... no. You're too ugly. Even your parents never loved you."

Kid: 😭

My little league football debut was a lot like the first time I had sex. I was beaten, bruised, and bloody, but at least my Dad came.

One time I fucked this chick so hard, she almost came back to life.