Time jokes
One time in camp, I kissed my bunkmate Bret in the shower. He cupped my breasts and lathered them in Prell, but I'm totally not gay... :)
Somebody shouts "Fire!"
Man 1: Get the children out!
Man 2: F*** the children!
Man 3: We don't have time!
Jesus has died on the cross to take away our sins. He has all power, but he won’t abuse it. He will help us through tough times. Have you ever felt that feeling in you that something is a bad idea? That’s Jesus. He is the savior and never let anyone say different.
Our Lord will watch us. We will go to Heaven, the promised land, only as long as we believe he’s real and always here. Don’t let anyone speak less and make you disbelieve in our Lord. This is your choice: believe and go to Heaven, or don’t believe and go to Hell, an eternal death. Make a choice.
There was a woman named Sally. She loved to have sex with other people. One time, she had sex with me. I noticed her bra size was 69 (+69). That is fucking big!
Ok, then when her partner was pissing, he told her she should call the doctor. So she dialed 2063512000 (+2000) and called the doctor. The office was on 51st street ave NE (+51). Holy shit, the doctor said! The boots were so big that she had to take 8 pills (x 8). The next morning, she was ________.
69 + 51 + 2000 x 8 = 16120
58008 (flip calculator)
Boobless.
Two guys were on a hunting trip, and after the first day of hunting, they didn’t see anything, so they decided the next day they would split up and meet back at the fire at dinner time.
After a day of hunting, they meet back at the fire, and one hunter asked the other, “How did your day go?”
The one hunter said, “I had the best day ever! I went down the hill and hunted by the train tracks and saw the hottest chick ever. We had sex for hours in every position you could think of.”
Then the other hunter asked him, “Was she a good lookin’ blond?” And he said, “Oh, I don’t know, I didn’t find her head.”
Why was the rapper always on time?
Because they had a PHAT BEAT to keep them in check!
Why does the president take so long to deliver each sentence?
He’s just Biden his time.
A mathematics professor arrived home at 3 am drunk.
His wife was up waiting for him.
"You said you'd be home by 11:45!" she yelled.
He responded, "No my dear, I said I'd be home at a quarter of 12."
What time would it be if Godzilla came to school? Time to run!
I found the best GoFundMe: https://www.gofundme.com/f/help-get-the-time-machine.
Life is better without my dad annoying me (him smacking me, screaming for something useless, limiting my screen time, and much more).
Why was the rapper always on time?
Because they had mad flow!
Why did the rapper bring a clock to the concert?
Because he wanted to spit BARS on time.
My therapist said, "Time heals all wounds," so I cut her.
Spanish folks must love Olaf because they say his name to me all the time.
Every time French people greet me, they say "banjo."
Nga, I don't got no fucking banjo.
I'm great at multitasking. I can waste time, be unproductive, and procrastinate all at once.
Your hairline is like a lollipop because every time someone licks it, it gets shorter.
Your hairline is so bad, it goes back in time!
Yo momma is so old, her birthday's expired.