Time jokes
Just burned 2,000 calories. That's the last time I leave brownies in the oven while I nap.
If I had a dime for every time I heard someone say that F was the villain (Alphabet Lore), I would be rich.
Yo momma is so old, her birthday's expired.
When I got to you and I was android and we were all in Minecraft for the last two years and we had the same problem UI with you anymore but you can see it on Instagram that it is not a real time thing or a android.
Parent: Have you seen your sister?
Son: No, the last time I saw her was when we were playing hide and seek.
Memes
Why did the clock go out to the gazebo? To spend some time out.
Why do orphans only have 363 days in a year?
Because they miss Mother’s Day and Father’s Day.
Yo momma's so old that even scientists get baffled about where she lived before Earth was created.
The time I saw you and you asked me to be your friend.
Me: "Yeah... no. You're too ugly. Even your parents never loved you."
Kid: 😭
My little league football debut was a lot like the first time I had sex. I was beaten, bruised, and bloody, but at least my Dad came.
One time I fucked this chick so hard, she almost came back to life.
Good Morning, Everyone! Have an amazing day!
What did the skeleton say to his dog at dinner time? Bone appétit!
Why was 10 scared because it was in the middle of 9/11?
Today is the day, time for more jokes!
I swear bro, this time I don't want any jokes on 9/11. Like people actually died, like that shit is just plane wrong. 💀
Every time I make a 9/11 joke, it bombs.
Your hairline is so far back my grandpa said he had a glimpse of it in the 1960s.
After Monday and Tuesday, even the calendar says "WTF!"
Why can’t orphans learn about ancient times?
Because they don’t know what a mummy is.