Time jokes

I spent 10 hours applying makeup so I could look pretty when I was going to have sex with my partner.

I needn't have bothered.

The next day, it was smeared all over my face.

Good Morning! Have a Great Day!

#Ijustwokeup

Every woman will die in five seconds.

Mother: Dies.

Sister: Dies.

Girlfriend: Lives.

You: 🤬

What two things can you never have for breakfast?

Lunch and dinner!

Producer: We need to stop testing out products on animals.

CEO: Shampoo companies do it all the time.

Fairchild Republic making the A-10 Thunder Bolt.

Why are there only 363 days in an orphaned year?

Because they don’t have a father's or Mother’s Day.

10 years ago my dad went to get milk. He said when he got back, he was going to tell me a joke. That joke better be worth it!

Seven days without a pun makes one weak.

You know why the teacher punished Dairy Milk?

Answer: Because he was choco_'late' to school.

We were so poor that every time I passed by a butcher shop, I thought there had been a horrible accident.

Okay, One time I there was my dog. But then the dog, it fell.

Then I f**ked my dog hard in the a**.

Have a good summer!

I've come to the conclusion that Trump is the fifth Teletubby.

He's fat, orange, and speaks in gibberish all the time.

At night time, in Africa, it's known as the darkest country. Till this day, I still wonder why.

Hickory dickory dock, the mouse ran up the clock.

He finally got up there, but a bird stole his co-.

Your hairline is so far back, it was in a different time zone on a flight with you.

What time is it? It's time for lunch.

*Quoted by Bubble Guppies*

I did a walk today and had fun. Today, I did not have to go get my kids and get to my new house. 🏠 It was a good day. I had fun. I did a walk today. I had fun today, but I’m going to be at the car 🚘 when I’m at my car. 🚘 What time was your night time? What time did [you go to bed]?

Why did the clock out the library?

It tocked too much!

What time is it when it gets dark out?

Bed time.