Time jokes

Kids, next time you have school dinners, make sure you have something you actually like so you don't have to shove all your food over to one side of the plate to make it look like you've eaten more than you actually have.

I read to deaf kids in my spare time.

Hello, everyone, how is your day today?

My grandfather has been through a lot in his time. When he was in the war, he survived a mustard gas attack. And later down the line, he survived being pepper sprayed by the police. He was certainly a real seasoned veteran.

My grandpa and your hairline go way back.

I would have loved to ride the Titanic at least once ;)

iykyk

Gf: Babe, do you love me?

Bf: Count the stars and that's how much I love you.

Gf: But it's morning, sweetie...

Bf: Exactly.

Gf: :0, I'll take that as a no.

What do Karens do when they have free time?

They do KARENoke and sing a Karen song.

Mom: It's time for sleep.

Baby: Is that what you think, huh?

Mom: *gives baby pacifier*

Baby: Nice try, hobo.

Mom: Well, I'll come back later to see if he's gone asleep.

*few hours later*

Baby: *still awake*

Mom: Why IS HE NOT ASLEEP?!

Baby: Lol, I told you nice try haha.

Guess what's "tiiiimmeeeee ABDE?"

....yes, it is "long time no see."

I was born yesterday, and I walked down memory lane. I fell over the edge!

What did the vegetable say to the other before the fight?

Time to beet your maker.

Three guys walk into a room where a man is sitting with an assortment of foods on his plate because it's lunchtime. The guys ask the man to do a favor, and he says, "Sorry guys, I have a lot on my plate!"

Last time I got caught stealing a calendar, I got 12 months.

How do you know someone is fucking dumb?

They put jokes that have been used several times already.

We asked our teacher many times for an atlas, and he said, "At last, you can have one!"

Hi, oooo was the day I was a kid. I was going home to school today after dinner!

An orphan went up to Nikola Tesla and asked to travel in time. He then saw his parents put him in a building, saying, "You now live here!"

"Have fun at school night" is what?

Nothing lasts long these days!

As Confucius says, "Hare today, gone tomorrow!"