Someone's jokes

Why did the orphan go to church?

So he could call someone Father.

When someone calls me ugly, I get sad and hug them.

I know life can be difficult for those with weak vision.

Ask someone to call you a bitch. When they do, tell them, "Bitches do as they are told!"

What's the difference between COVID and 9/11?

I've never heard of someone dying in a car accident, and the media blaming it on 9/11.

What's the difference between Pikachu and an orphan?

At least someone chose Pikachu.

Why did the dick go insane?

Someone kept messing with his head.

Someone complimented my parking today! They left a sweet note on my windshield that said, “Parking fine.”

How do you find someone's hairline? It's simple, you don't.

Papyrus: Sans, I have a joke. What do you call someone lazy and incompetent?

Sans: What do you call them?

Papyrus: YOU! NOW GET UP AND CLEAN YOUR ROOM, YOU LAZY BONES!

I was given my electronics test today. Turns out it was given to me 'cause I have the same name as someone who got 54/59. I actually got my hopes up, too.

A kid is trick-or-treating. He knocks on a door. Then someone opens the door and the kid said, "HI, I'M THE WICKED WIENER!"

If I had a dime for every time someone has told me to kill myself, I'd be a millionaire.

If I could make someone tell me their last words, they'd say, "Make me."

What do you call someone with no arms and no legs?

A nugget.

What did the blonde say when someone says, "Your baby is so cute?"

"For the last time, I don't want to sign up my child for Tindergarten just yet!"

So my dad tells these jokes and someone posted one on this website so...

How many Polish people does it take to change a light bulb? 101, one to hold the light bulb and 100 to spin the house.

There’s also one about a bowling ball in a bath tub he hasn’t told me that though. I'll research that.

My teacher asked the class to stand up if you're dumb. No one did, so she said, "Come on, someone must be dumb," and pointed over to the left side of the classroom. Lil Jonny stands up. "Do you think you're dumb, Lil Jonny?" asked the teacher. "No, I just feel bad for you. You're the only one who stood up," replied Lil Jonny!

So I was asleep and woke up and went to work. My wife left already to her job. I was driving my car and ran over someone. I woke up in my bed, realized it was all a dream.

20 minutes later I got a phone call that my wife got hit by a car.

Boi, you can't be talking because if someone punched you in the face, you will be the one to apologize.

Why do orphans go to church?

So they have someone to call father.