I won’t reply on every jokes today because I want to say thanks (to everyone) for making funny jokes here… Every time I have a bad day (almost everyday), I always go here and read relatable jokes, its makes me happy and its making me less anxious. I am really stressed on my school works and everything, I feel that I’m being left alone. Everyone compares me to others and all I can do is listen. I don’t get enough sleep because of it… Reading these jokes entertain me and making me laugh so hard. *I apologize for my grammar
Whenever my grandparents apologize, I say forgive and forget. They are really obedient.
The Somalian Olympics Team has just apologized to the Olympic Committee after realizing that sailing and shooting were two separate events.
(I want to apologize in advance. These are very dark jokes)
What’s red and bad for your teeth? A brick
I was going to tell a dead baby joke. But I decided to abort.
Why does Dr. Pepper come in a bottle? His wife is dead.
4.Why does Helen Keller hate porcupines? They’re painful to look at.
Why can’t orphans play baseball? They don’t know where home is.
Give a man a match, and he’ll be warm for a few hours. Set a man on fire, and he will be warm for the rest of his life.
I asked a pretty, young homeless woman if I could take her home. She smiled at me and said yes. The look on her face soon changed, however, when I walked off with her cardboard box.
My wife and I have reached the difficult decision that we do not want children. If anybody does, please just send me your contact details and we can drop them off tomorrow.
The KGB, the FBI, and the CIA are all trying to prove they are the best at catching criminals. The Secretary-General of the UN decides to set them a test. He releases a rabbit into a forest, and each of them has to catch it. The CIA people go in. They place animal informants throughout the forest. They question all plant and mineral witnesses. After three months of extensive investigations, they conclude that the rabbit does not exist.
The FBI goes in. After two weeks with no leads, they burn the forest, killing everything in it, including the rabbit, and make no apologies: the rabbit had it coming.
The KGB goes in. They come out two hours later with a badly beaten bear. The bear is yelling:
“Okay! Okay! I’m a rabbit! I’m a rabbit!” (Found on the web if you don’t like it don’t leave a hate comment)
Your Birth Certificate is an apology from the Condom factory
Your mama is so ugly that her birth certificate is an apology letter from the condom company
Your brith certificate is like a apology from the condom factory…
But she hasn’t tried the position with her new boyfriend. So she invites him to a romantic dinner. After dinner, she tells her boyfriend about her desire for it. But her boyfriend was clueless about such acts. So she tell him to strip naked on the couch and lay on top of him naked in the 69 positions. She starts sucking him off and starts waiting for him to do the same. But the bf didn’t know what to do, so he just lay there. Suddenly the girl had an urge to fart, but hold it in because her asshole was right near his bf face. Suddenly she loses control, and lets one out. She apologizes profusely and continues sucking him. A couple of minutes later, she feels the urge again and lets another fart rip near his face. The BF throws the girl from the couch, gets up, and says
“Bitch if you think I’ll be lying here for 67 more of those, you’re fucking crazy.”
If being ugly was a crime you would have a life sentence
My phone battery lasts longer than your friendships
There is a tree out there giving you oxegyn, and you owe that tree an apology.
I don’t hate you, but I gotta unplug your life support to charge my phone.
When I saw your dad on the side walk I didn’t laugh but the sidewalk cracked up.
If I had powers I would make you the dumbest person alive but it seems life already beat me to the punch.
If karma ever comes to punch ya in the face, I wanna be there to help it
If I had a dollar for every time you said something smart I’d be broke.
You are more disappointing than a cake without frosting
Were you born on a highway cuz that’s where most accidents happen
Wow, that hurts, now I know how it felt when your mom said that to ya
Your the reason this country has to put directions on shampoo, and you may as well be the reason why the middle finger was invented
If someone who speaks two languages is bilingual, and someone who speaks many languages is multilingual, then what do you call someone who speaks one language?
(If it’s unoriginal, I apologize. My friend gave me this joke.)
Yo mama is so ugly that her birth certificate is an apology
“I’m sorry” and “I apologize” mean the same thing. Except at a funeral.
Boi you can’t be talking because it someone punched you in the face you will be the one to apologize
“I’m sorry” and “I apologize” mean the same thing except at funerals.
The popular girl told me "I bet your birth certificate is an apology letter from the condom factory!" Two weeks later, She shows up pregnant.
… I guess her rubber broke too
Yo mama so ugly, her birth certificate was an apology.
my parents used to make me and my siblings apologize to the ground when we stomped if i had done ‘it’ i would have gotten SO many apologies