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Day

Anonymous

One day a teacher stands up in front of her class and asks if anyone in the class is an idiot, and says that if there is one then he/she should stand up. After a minute a boy stands up.

The teacher then asks the boy if he actually thinks he’s an idiot.

The boy says, “No, I just didn’t want to see you standing there all by yourself.”

Jesus

Mechanical Manic

A robber breaks into a house while the residents are away one dark night. Eager to see what he can loot, he quickly starts searching through cupboards and dressers, grabbing valuables with a trained eye. Suddenly, he hears a voice come out of nowhere. “Jesus is watching you.” The criminal jumps, scared the residents are back, and freezes. After a few minutes of silence however, he assumes it was his imagination, and goes back to robbing. A couple minutes pass, before once again, the voice returns. “Jesus is watching you.” Quite confused, the thief searches the house and checks the front door, but nothing pops out as unusual. He finally decides to move rooms, and finds a parrot, but ignores it. Before he can begin to do anything, someone speaks again, “Jesus is watching you.” The robber realized it was the parrot talking! Going to the parrot, he asks it, “Are you the one who’s been talking to me?” The parrot responds, “Yes.” The thief couldn’t believe it. So, he asks another question. “What is your name?” “Ismael.” the parrot replies. The man scoffed. “What type of idiot names a parrot Ismael?” The parrot speaks yet again, “The same type of idiot that names a Rottweiler Jesus.”

Skeleton

flowey

why did the skeleton not go to the dance?

because he’s dead.

you idiot.

Puns

Your name (optional)

Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson decide to go on a camping trip. After dinner and a bottle of wine, they lay down for the night, and go to sleep.

Some hours later, Holmes awoke and nudged his faithful friend.

“Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what you see.”

Watson replied, “I see millions of stars.”

“What does that tell you?”

Watson pondered for a minute.

“Astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets.” “Astrologically, I observe that Saturn is in Leo.” “Horologically, I deduce that the time is approximately a quarter past three.” “Theologically, I can see that God is all powerful and that we are small and insignificant.” “Meteorologically, I suspect that we will have a beautiful day tomorrow.” “What does it tell you, Holmes?”

Holmes was silent for a minute, then spoke: “Watson, you idiot. Someone has stolen our tent!”

People

Reeeeeeee Reddy H

I’m so annoyed by those people who just believe in anything they hear. This is a conversation I had a few days ago.

Idiot: The moon landing was faked! So unbelievable fake! Me: You believe in the moon? Stupidass.

Wife

President Lincoln

A drunk man walked out of a bar and kept falling flat on his face. He wondered why this was until his wife spoke to him: Wife: why is your face all bloody? Husband: I was so drunk that I couldn’t stand up so I kept falling on my face! Wife: idiot. You left your wheelchair at the bar!

People

Tide Pods Challenge

The more people who like to eat tide pods, the less idiots we have in the world. 😁

Kid

EnderGardian28

The teacher of the ELA class sead that whoever answers this next question gets to go home. Then a kid sitting next ot the window threw his bag out the window. Teacher asked who threw that, he sead, Me im going home. Before he could move the teacher pointed a ruler at him and sead,“At the end of this ruler is a idiot”, he got suspended for asking witch end.

Kid

Anonymous

I came home from school One day and told my cat a kid at school said I was an idiot and told me to go kick rocks so I did except I kicked him out him and I called him the idiot for not moving out of the way

Difference

Tater

What’s the difference between you and an idiot? Not very much if you reword and post the same joke over and over.

Cow

Kill me

What do you call an idiotic cow

A mis-steak!

Personal

Anonymous

Leo: Mother, what is an idiot. Mother: An idiot is someone that explains something in a long, boring way so that the person that the idiot is trying to explain to doesn’t understand. Mother: Do you understand. Leo: No.

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Kid

Drunkenmoth

Boyscout…

  • a kid who dressed like an idiot…
  • An idiot who dressed like a kid

Homework

Anonymous

How do you know you’ve been robbed by an Asian?

The house is clean, the homework is done, but the idiot is having trouble backing out of the driveway.

Bone

AFTON WUZ HERE

Teacher; why did the skeleton know the weather outside(shrugs shoulders) student; cuz he could feel it in his bones(lenny face) teacher:no he read the weather report you fucking idiot

Stupid jokes

Anonymous

How do you leave an idiot in suspense - ill tell you tomorrow

Chicken

Non of your business

Why did the chicken cross the road? To get to the idiots house! Knock knock? Who’s there? The chicken. The chicken who? The idiot chicken who just crossed the road!!!

Chicken

Anonymous

why did the chicken cross the road? to get to the idiots house

Knock, Knock Who’s there? Chicken

America

Anonymous

Everyone’s always saying they’re so worried about America’s big button, the one that controls all the nuclear power. I’m not worried about that…I’m worried about the idiot on the end of it.

Wife

Hes Here

A wife asked her husband why he cheated on her. His reply was “She was just lying there naked on the table, what was I supposed to do?” The wife reply’s “Change the damn diaper you idiot.”

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