*Titanic was sinking. Passenger: How far are we from land? Captain: Two miles. Passenger: Which direction? Captain: Down.
What is the longest word in the English Dictionary? Smiles because there is a mile between the first letter and the last
Don't criticize someone until you’ve walked a mile in their shoes. So, when you criticize them, they won’t be able to hear you from that far away. Plus, you’ll have their shoes.
when my grandpa was 65 he decided to run a mile a day to keep fit.
he's 70 now and we have no idea where he is
🧀:C’mon tomato!
🍅: I’m trying to ketchup.
🧀:You’re a mile away.
🍅: I am a tomato! It’s not that easy for me to ketchup.
My dad always told me I should sing tenor. Ten or twelve miles away
The average human male walks for five miles, but the gas station is ten miles away. So why does it take fifteen years for my dad to buy cigarettes?
I named my dog 5 miles so when I walk him I can say I walked 5 miles random guy: I ran over 5 miles
What is more fun than spinning a clown around on a clothes line at 100 miles an hour? Stopping it with a pitchfork.
Your hairline is so long that Odell beckem jr missed a catch and saw your hairline from a mile away
if the average male walks 1.7 miles a day then why did my dad take 13 years to get the milk
Your hairline so far back that it would be a 70 mile trip to the back
I named my dog 5-Miles, so now I tell people, "I walk 5-Miles every day."
Give a man a plane ticket, he’ll fly for a day. Push a man out of a plane flying 10,000 miles up, he’ll fly for the rest of his life.
What is worse than a baby spinning at a hundred miles per hour on a washing line?
Hitting it off with a cricket bat
I smell Ice a mile. *Titanic I want to Icebeld.
What bounces up and down at 100 miles per hour
A baby tied to the back of a pick up truck
you're forehead is a 20-mile taxi ride from your eyebrows to your hairline.
What's the worst part of about hearing a special needs kid getting hit by a car? Having to listen to the wheelchair scraping for a mile and a half
My girlfriend lives a few miles away from me. The other night, she called me at around 3 AM. She was terrified. She said that there were two armed gunmen in her apartment. With all that adrenaline going through my system, it made it hard to go back to sleep.
