Titanic

Julia

*Titanic was sinking. Passenger: How far are we from land? Captain: Two miles. Passenger: Which direction? Captain: Down.

Puns

Anonymous

What is the longest word in the English Dictionary? Smiles because there is a mile between the first letter and the last

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Name

puppy

I named my dog 5-Miles so now I tell people I walk 5-Miles everyday

Name

mclarathen

I named my dog 5 miles so when I walk him I can say I walked 5 miles random guy: I ran over 5 miles

2

Forehead

vincent age 11

you’re forehead is a 20-mile taxi ride from your eyebrows to your hairline.

0
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Sadness

VEN-CI

The average human male walks for five miles, but the gas station is ten miles away. So why does it take fifteen years for my dad to buy cigarettes?

1

Singing

johnny rub

My dad always told me I should sing tenor. Ten or twelve miles away

Girlfriend

Anthony joselnik

My girlfriend lives a few miles away from me. The other night, she called me at around 3 AM. She was terrified. She said that there were two armed gunmen in her apartment. With all that adrenaline going through my system, it made it hard to go back to sleep.

4

Ketchup

Daniel King

🧀:C’mon tomato!

🍅: I’m trying to ketchup.

🧀:You’re a mile away.

🍅: I am a tomato! It’s not that easy for me to ketchup.

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Green

Anonymous

What’s Red,Green and goes 90 miles an hour? A frog in a blender.

Name

Ava

I named my dog 5 miles so i could say i ran five miles today i ran over 5 miles

Fly

Anonymous

Give a man a plane ticket, he’ll fly for a day. Push a man out of a plane flying 10,000 miles up, he’ll fly for the rest of his life.

Name

That One Kid

I named my dog 5 miles so i could say i walk 5 miles each day

but today i ran OVER 5 miles…oops

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Hand

yourmom

why were helen kellers hands crippled? From reading stop signs at fifty miles per hour

Baby

Bailey

What’s red and goes 100 miles per hour

~babies in a blender 😌

Name

DïRtY jÖkeS

I named my Dog ‘5 miles’ so now I can tell people I walk ‘5 miles’ everyday😏😎

Old Man

I like yummy

Me: I named my dog five miles so i can tell people i walk five miles every day Old man:I ran over five miles today

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Man

Allan

If a man travels 14 miles to buy a loaf of bread, how long will it take for him to realise that living in the countryside is shit?

Hell

koko

there was a kid at school he was reading a book and he came across a phrase it was purple pation he went to his teacher and asked what it ment his teacher said hat the actual hell get the hell out of my class and go to the princible offic the princible said its ok iwas probably a mistake i will clean this all up in the mean time whats the phrase he says purple pation his prncible stares at him for about 3 seconds then says get the hell out of my school u r expelled he ran 7 miles to his dads offic crying all the way he went to his dad and explained how hs teacher kicked him out of the class and the princable expelled him his dad said calm down i will clean this all up and he said thats what the princable said he said i will clean it up he said ok the phrase is purple pation hisdad said i hate u getout of myoffice i dont want to see u again he ran down crying to his house he explained what happened his mom said the same thing as everyone else so he explaines the phrase his moms kickes him out of the house and he ran down to the park crying a old lady said whats wrong he explained whats happening then she says wellwhats the phrase he says purplepation the old lady said see that house across the street thats my house come over in about 30 min and i will explain he says thank u it was the longest 30 min of his life he sprints across the street and gets hit by a bus sorry guys ;)

Green

Anonymous

what is red and green and goes 100 miles per hour? A frog in a blender