Mile jokes
Titanic was sinking.
Passenger: "How far are we from land?"
Captain: "Two miles."
Passenger: "Which direction?"
Captain: "Down."
My dad always told me I should sing tenor. Ten or twelve miles away.
The average human male walks for five miles, but the gas station is ten miles away. So why does it take fifteen years for my dad to buy cigarettes?
What is the longest word in the English Dictionary? "Smiles," because there is a mile between the first letter and the last.
Give a man a plane ticket, he’ll fly for a day. Push a man out of a plane flying 10,000 miles up, he’ll fly for the rest of his life.
I named my dog "5 miles" so when I walk him, I can say I walked 5 miles.
Random guy: I ran over 5 miles.
I named my dog 5-Miles, so now I tell people, "I walk 5-Miles every day."
Your forehead is a 20-mile taxi ride from your eyebrows to your hairline.
Don't criticize someone until you've walked a mile in their shoes. So, when you criticize them, they won't be able to hear you from that far away. Plus, you'll have their shoes.
There was a blonde, a redhead, and a brunette. They were all trapped on an island, and the nearest shore was 50 miles away.
The redhead swam, trying to make it to the other shore. She swam 15 miles, drowned, and died.
The brunette swam 24 miles, drowned, and died.
The blonde swam 25 miles, got tired, and swam back.
My girlfriend lives a few miles away from me.
The other night, she called me at around 3 AM. She was terrified. She said that there were two armed gunmen in her apartment.
With all that adrenaline going through my system, it made it hard to go back to sleep.
They say give a man an inch, he'll take a mile. What about women? They don't have dicks.
Me: Would you like to be the sun in my life?
Her: Awww... Yes!!!
Me: Good, then stay 92.96 million miles away from me.
When my grandpa was 65, he decided to run a mile a day to keep fit.
He's 70 now, and we have no idea where he is.
🧀: C’mon tomato!
🍅: I’m trying to ketchup.
🧀: You’re a mile away.
🍅: I am a tomato! It’s not that easy for me to ketchup.
Yo mama so fat that Will Smith could slap her from a mile away.
Don’t criticize someone until you’ve walked a mile in their shoes.
So, when you criticize them, they won’t be able to hear you from that far away. Plus, you’ll have their shoes.
You call your dad the sun because he is 90 million miles away.
Why were Helen Keller's hands crippled?
From reading stop signs at fifty miles per hour.
My friend Liam has a hairline [if you can even call it a hairline] so bad it keeps going back for miles.