What is the one thing cripples can't do? ... Stand-up comedy.
Cripple Jokes
What's the hardest part of a vegetable to eat? -- The wheelchair.
What do a crippled person's legs and the Twin Towers have in common? They both went down and never came back up.
If a crippled man told stories about himself, would that be called VeggieTales?
To the guy asking what joy I find in suicide jokes, the answer is simple. I make suicide jokes to cope with my crippling depression. Must be working, cause I'm still here.
I helped my son (who is missing his arms) unwrap his Christmas present. The ungrateful bastard just sits there and cries, and it's a pair of mittens. The ungrateful bastard is just sitting there, crying.
What do you call a kid having a seizure on a dance floor? An improvement.
These three men wanted to start a band. One had the idea to call them the Rolling Stones, one wanted to call them the Veggies, the other said, "Let's be the Cripples," as they all rolled away.
Why were Helen Keller's hands crippled?
From reading stop signs at fifty miles per hour.
My neck, my back, my crippling anxiety attacks.
bradley
What did the orphan say to the crippled man?
I suffer from crippling depression.
Why does Stephen Hawking do one liners?
Because he can't do standup.
I got my little girl a hand sewing kit for her birthday and she cried. I didn't understand why until I realized that she had no hands to sew with.
Santa gives a boy a bike and a soccer ball for Christmas. This upsets the boy. Why?
Answer: He has no legs. The boy has no legs.
What's an edible part of a wheelchair?
A vegetable!
Why did my dad cross the road?
To get to the nearest building so he wouldn't die in the crippling smoke of the most terrifying and only terrorist attack on American soil.
What comedy skill can’t any cripple master?
Stand up.
The Twin Towers are like crippled legs; once they break, they can’t be fixed.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Crippling depression.
Crippling depression who--?
Me.
