Someone's jokes

Someone asked me if I've ever tried to kill myself. I responded, "Absolutely. A few times actually. I'm just not very good at it."

Like if you know someone is emo.

Teacher: Now class, if you are dumb, please stand up. Class: *no one stands up* Teacher: Oh c'mon. I know someone over here is dumb. *waves her finger around the left side of the room* Little Johnny: *stands up* Teacher: Oh, Johnny, you think you're dumb? Little Johnny: No, I just feel bad you're standing alone.

Someone told me that you can let out all your anger by writing letters about everyone you hate and then burning them... But I was just wondering... should I keep the letters?

A blind woman tells her boyfriend that she’s seeing someone.

It’s either really terrible news or really great news.

Why do orphans go to church? Because they can finally call someone "father."

Do you know a way to really freak out someone that works at a car dealership?

You say, "Tell me if you can hear me," then get in the trunk and start screaming.

Someone asked me, "What are them scars on your arm?" I thought I was playing a violin.

I went for a job interview today and the manager said, "We're looking for someone who is responsible."

"Well, I'm your man," I replied, "In my last job, whenever anything went wrong, they said I was responsible."

When someone calls you, say this: "Hi, welcome to Dave’s Orphanage. You make them, we take them. How may I help you?"

Why do orphans like getting kidnapped? Because someone actually wants them. 🤣

If you say to someone, "Have a nice day!" it will make them happy. If you say, "Enjoy the next 24 hours," they'll be terrified.

Someone asked me why I'm still here... the answer is simple: I don't want to be used as a school assembly.

Why did the orphan become a prostitute? They wanted someone to call "daddy."

Just because someone is white doesn't mean they are bad.

Sure, white Americans all treat Trump like a deity and are proud of their heritage of enslaving blacks.

But Canadians and Australians don't throw a hissy fit every time they see someone not white, and they don't think Europe is a country.

If you push someone that's bullying, if you kill someone that's murder, if there is no evidence it's nothing.

Why did the orphan become a stripper?

So she could have someone to call daddy.

How can a person from Alabama tell that someone is an illegal immigrant?

If they are dating someone that isn't related to them.

When I die, can someone play "Best Day Ever" during my funeral?

like if you know someone that is emo.