Nun

cynthia

A nun, badly needing to use the restroom, walked into a local Hooters. The place was hopping with music and loud conversation and every once in a while "the lights would turn off." Each time the lights would go out, the place would erupt into cheers. However, when the revelers saw the nun, the room went dead silent.

She walked up to the bartender, and asked, "May I please use the restroom? The bartender replied, “OK, but I should warn you that there is a statue of a naked man in there wearing only a fig leaf.” “Well, in that case, I’ll just look the other way,” said the nun. So the bartender showed the nun to the back of the restaurant.

After a few minutes, she came back out, and the whole place stopped just long enough to give the nun a loud round of applause. ! She went to the bartender and said, “Sir, I don’t understand. Why did they applaud for me just because I went to the restroom?”

“Well, now they know you’re one of us,” said the bartender, “Would you like a drink?” “No thank you, but, I still don’t understand,” said the puzzled nun.

“You see,” laughed the bartender, "every time someone lifts the fig leaf on that statue, the lights go out.

Now, how about that drink?"

2

Depression

Anonymous

My mom told me its not healthy to stay in my room all day…but the only places I’m allowed to go to are my room and downstairs.

6

Explosion

Anonymous

Loud explosion inside the tank

“Where’s the commander?” “He’s gone.” “Where has he gone?” “All over the place.”

0

Number

Daniel King

What do you call numbers that don’t stay in place?

Roamin’ Numerals.

Find

joe mama

I can’t find out where Stephen Hawkings is from, I just can’t place his accent.

Kick

Anonymous

I got kicked out of the school library for placing a women’s rights book in the fiction section

Chuck Norris

Anthony

Lightning doesn’t strike twice in the same place, but chuck Norris does.

Cow

Lisia

‘’ What place can you always find suicidal cows at? ‘’

“Mc Donald’s.”

4

Time

Anonymous

when you are going back to where you live from a place that is a time zone behind where you live: “looks like I am going back to the future!”

Shock

Anonymous

my grandad was shocked to learn that lightning can strike in the same place twice.

Puns

Big man John

Person: I broke my arm in three places

Doctor: well don’t go to those three places then.

Octopus

Sandy Cheeks

What do you call the place where an octopus is sitting?

Octopied.

6

Rabbit

random_person

The KGB, the FBI, and the CIA are all trying to prove they are the best at catching criminals. The Secretary-General of the UN decides to set them a test. He releases a rabbit into a forest, and each of them has to catch it. The CIA people go in. They place animal informants throughout the forest. They question all plant and mineral witnesses. After three months of extensive investigations, they conclude that the rabbit does not exist.

The FBI goes in. After two weeks with no leads, they burn the forest, killing everything in it, including the rabbit, and make no apologies: the rabbit had it coming.

The KGB goes in. They come out two hours later with a badly beaten bear. The bear is yelling:

“Okay! Okay! I’m a rabbit! I’m a rabbit!” (Found on the web if you don’t like it don’t leave a hate comment)

Common

sumdude

What do a convention of nerds and Kurt Cobain’s garage have in common? There’s brains all over the place

Wet

KiritoHD

Why are most firefighters men? Because they like to find hot places and leave them wet.

High

Bear

If I place a slide on the edge of a cliff or a really high building, would going down it be considered suislide?

Asking for a friend.

Orphan

Anonymous

Why can’t orphans play at a McDonald’s play place? They don’t have parent supervision.

Crash

your dad

Hey! My name is Microsoft. Can I crash at your place tonight?

Baby

Anonymous

Whats worse than placing 10 babys in a trash can?

Placing 1 baby in 10 trash cans…

Darkness

Priest

What happens if the dumbest person from Europe goes to the US??

The average iq increases in both places.