Why are most firefighters men? Because they like to find hot places and leave them wet.
I encountered a milf at a bar last night although she is 57 years old, she is still very charming and sexy
we were drinking, chatting, laughing, and having a good time
then, she asked me flirtatiously
"have you ever tried a mother-daughter threesome before?"
I said, "Nope, not yet".
She drank a little more, and said, "well, darling, tonight is your lucky night."
So she took me to her place.
She took out her keys
opens her door
turn on the light
and she yells towards upstairs
"Mom, are you still awake?”
Person: I broke my arm in three places
Doctor: well don’t go to those three places then.
What happens if the dumbest person from Europe goes to the US??
The average iq increases in both places.
Did you know that graveyards are the most popular place in the world?
Yeah, people are just DYING to get in there...
Hey! My name is Microsoft. Can I crash at your place tonight?
A nun, badly needing to use the restroom, walked into a local Hooters. The place was hopping with music and loud conversation and every once in a while "the lights would turn off." Each time the lights would go out, the place would erupt into cheers. However, when the revelers saw the nun, the room went dead silent.
She walked up to the bartender, and asked, "May I please use the restroom? The bartender replied, "OK, but I should warn you that there is a statue of a naked man in there wearing only a fig leaf." "Well, in that case, I'll just look the other way," said the nun. So the bartender showed the nun to the back of the restaurant.
After a few minutes, she came back out, and the whole place stopped just long enough to give the nun a loud round of applause. ! She went to the bartender and said, "Sir, I don't understand. Why did they applaud for me just because I went to the restroom?"
"Well, now they know you're one of us," said the bartender, "Would you like a drink?" "No thank you, but, I still don't understand," said the puzzled nun.
"You see," laughed the bartender, "every time someone lifts the fig leaf on that statue, the lights go out.
Now, how about that drink?"
What's a cannibals favorite place? A day care
My mom told me its not healthy to stay in my room all day....but the only places I’m allowed to go to are my room and downstairs.
*Loud explosion inside the tank*
"Where's the commander?" "He's gone." "Where has he gone?" "All over the place."
Yeah, Asians have squinty eyes, but that's because they have had the displeasure of seeing so many ugly obese Americans in one place.
I just watched a documentary about Adolf Hitler.
He sure was a popular guy. Everywhere he went, people shouted “Hi Hitler” and gave him a little wave.
A young boy was picked up by a strange young man who put him in his car and drove into an abandoned farm “This place looks scary” they kid said And the man replies” I know right, I have to walk out of there alone”
What do you call numbers that don’t stay in place?
Roamin’ Numerals.
Spongebob and Jacko have one thing in common.
They both routinely place meat in small buns.
I got kicked out of the school library for placing a women’s rights book in the fiction section
Imagine working at the World Trade Center only for Osama bin Laden to call and ask if he could crash at your place
my grandad was shocked to learn that lightning can strike in the same place twice.
I can't find out where Stephen Hawkings is from, I just can't place his accent.
The dick said to the ass, "this place is a shit hole".
The ass replied, "yes, but you still keep coming".
