Shot jokes

All of these jokes are so dark, I'm surprised cops haven't shot them.

I was hit on by President Kennedy, too bad I shot him down.

A husband got a message from his neighbor one day. It read, "Hey, I'm sorry I had to tell you like this but I have been doing your wife for months now." The husband went to go grab his gun and shot his wife. He hid the evidence and a few hours later he got another message from his neighbor saying, "Sorry, meant using your wifi."

A man with a gun goes into a bank and demands money.

Once he is given the money, he turns to a customer and asks, "Did you see me rob this bank?"

The man replied, "Yes sir, I did."

The robber shot him in the head, killing him instantly.

He then turned to a couple standing next to him and asked the man, "Did you see me rob this bank?"

The man replied, "No sir, I didn't, but my wife did!"

Knott and Shott got into a gunfight. Knott was shot and Shott was not. Therefore, it was better to be Shott than Knott. But what if the shot Shott shot didn't hit Knott but Shott? Then the shot Shott shot shot Shott.

I thought it would be fun to become a shooter. It became less fun when I realized that "shooting a woman up" also included a condom.

My therapist said: "Time heals all wounds."

I shot her, now we wait.

Due to the rising cost of ammunition, there will be no warning shots.

It's okay if you miss while saying "Kobe" because he didn't make it either.

Your momma's so depressed, she shot herself in the head hoping she'd die.

My life is so meaningless that I committed a crime just to get shot. 0-0

This is not a joke; this is just about death...

I may not be your cup of tea, but I am definitely your 10th shot of tequila.

Over summer, I shot up my school and left a note saying, "I could have done this anytime!"

A man comes to an assassin who charges $1000 per shot. He tells the assassin, "My wife's been cheating on me. I want you to shoot her in the head and shoot the guy in the dick." When they arrive, they wait. The man asks why he hasn't taken the shot. The assassin says, "I know how I can save you $1000."

A blind guy shot up a town.

I guess he couldn’t see the road to heaven.

The doctor gave me 6 months to live.

So I shot him.

Judge gave me 20 years.

Problem solved.

I love telling stories as theatrical plays. When we had a free dress day near Christmas, my teacher dressed up as a reindeer, so I got my teacher involved... and shot her.

Did you hear that the cameraman got arrested? He shot a film.

- All over it like a fat kid on a cupcake.

- Giggling like a room full of fat kids.

- Drinking 8 cups of water a day seems impossible, but 8 beers and 3 shots in 3 hours goes down like a fat kid on a seesaw.

A dog walks into a bar and says to the bartender, "I'm looking for the man who shot my paw."