Someone's jokes
Today I heard someone playing "Dancing Queen" on the didgeridoo.
It was very Abba-riginal.
My friends think I'm bipolar. I threw a pencil case at someone and I walked out, walked back in 2 seconds later and I was sunshines and rainbows.
Why is it that when in PE, it's fine for someone to say "boys against girls", but in public when I say "blacks against whites" or "boys against girls" I'm the bad guy?
Why can’t Kurt Cobain ride in the passenger seat?
Because he doesn’t like when someone calls "shotgun!"
What does Joker say when someone gets angry at him for not liking oats?
"Hey, why so cereal?"
What do you call someone in a wheelchair being pushed by a cannibal?
A to-go order.
Someone lunged at me, armed with an unregistered nurse. I hit the floor.
What's one way to drain someone's ego?
Hand them a mirror, and say they should see how ugly they turned out in life.
A down-on-his-luck Newfoundlander takes a job in Toronto. He hates every minute of it. The housing is overpriced, the traffic a bottleneck. Frustrated, he starts saving every penny until he can buy a car to go home to the outport.
Eventually someone takes pity on him and offers to sell him a car with no reverse for fifty bucks.
"I takes it!" the Newfie replies, "because I don't intends on coming back anyway."
What does a computer scientist do when someone tries to fight him?
He waves his arms like a space invader.
I think someone left trash at the doorstep. Oh, wait, it's your parents dropping you off at the kid's store.
What do you call someone with no arms and no legs?
A nugget.
Two blonde girls find a beautiful Christmas tree in the woods.
After two hours, someone said, "We found a tree without bark!"
If someone says 67 one more time, I'll say 9/11 and swoop right under their feet like the Twin Towers.
Q: What kind of person has 100% ambition and never gives up if someone gets in their way?
A: A rapist.
Someone prank calls a general. The general hangs up and goes, "Kids these days have no respect for their elders. That's why I send them all to die."
Why did the orphan go to church?
It was because he was looking for someone to call "Father."
How can you tell if someone Amish is an alcoholic? They keep falling off the wagon.
Someone told me I looked gay today. I told him that my clothes just came out of the closet this morning.
3 people having sex is a threesome, 2 is a twosome. So next time someone calls you 'HANDSOME', don't take it as a compliment!