Scandal jokes
Why is Bill the bad guy?
Monica wanted to suck dick.
What does Johnny Depp hate about driving a car?
He can't drink and drive.
What is Epstein's favorite piano chord?
A minor.
Why was the egg runny? Because he'd just had sex with Jimmy Saville.
What was one phrase Michael Jackson said to a boy in his bed? Baby, be mine.
What happens when you throw an underage boy between two Catholic priests?
They fight and... You know the rest.
Two priests walk into a store, and cops come up to them and say they’re looking for a child molester, and the priests both say, "I’ll do it!"
Why doesn’t Joe Biden visit children with cancer in hospitals?
Because he can’t sniff their hair.
What is an Italian massage?
An Italian Catholic priest giving a blowjob inside the confessional booth during Lent.
You'd think the Catholic Church would be thankful for condoms, less DNA evidence.
I can do a very good Michael Jackson impersonation. I just need a kid who can keep a secret.
How did Rihanna find out Chris Brown was cheating on her?
She found another woman’s lipstick on his knuckles.
Why didn't the Japanese guy get a high five? Logan Paul left him hanging.
The media's relationship with Hillary is just like Bill's relationship with Hillary. The relationship is unwanted and forced, and they'll move on to the next person any chance they get.
Jeff, did you hear they're making a film about Jimmy Savile? It’s a very touchy subject.
Yeah, I did, Gary, but did you hear the reviews on the Bill Cosby film? People said it was so boring it put them to sleep.
Michael Jackson was recently sighted at Target. Why? The sale was all boys' pants half off!
Michael Jackson is happy when there are twenty-eight-year-olds.
Did you know that McDonald's made a Michael Jackson burger? It’s a 50-year-old piece of meat in a 12-year-old bun.
Why is Jeffrey Epstein so bad at races?
Because he comes in a little behind.
Michael Jackson and Jeffrey Epstein walk into a bar. But a few minutes later, they would walk out, because you have to be 21+. No room for those two.