A wife asked her husband why he cheated on her. His reply was “she was just lying there naked on the table, what was I supposed to do?” The wife reply’s “perform the fucking autopsy!”
The other day my friend messaged by saying “bro I have two pieces of bad news for you.” I told him to combine them. He replied with “your girlfriend is cheating on both of us.”
Three men are outside Heaven's gates waiting to be go to through Heaven. The angel at the gate tells them "Depending on the length of time and your faithfulness to your last partner decides your way across the bridge to Heaven".
The first guy says "I was with my wife for 5 years and cheated 3 times". The angel gives him an old model pick up, the second guy says "11 years and only once" and is granted a Mercedes.
The last man says "20 years and not once , I loved her with all my heart" and with the angel impressed he gets a gold edition Lamborghini and sets off ahead of the other two men. Hours later the two men catch up to him crying behind the wheel and one says " I know we are dead but it could be much worse".
The guy looks up and says "How! I just went past my wife on a skateboard"
Guy: My life is like a game, I should end it.
Guy 2: Is it a hard life?
Guy: Yup
Guy 2: Then you can't kill yourself LOL
Guy 3: Hold on, I know a cheat code to finish the "game"
Once again, RIP Daniel Kyre, he actually died this day five years ago.
He attempted suicide Sep 16, and was in life support, till his parents made the tough decision of taking him off.
We will miss ya bud..... (cyndagoooooooo)
A wife and husband had been on a strict diet and the wife said yaknow weve been good about our diet lets have a cheat night tonight. The wife came home with kfc and wendys. the husband came home with sylvia from the office.
My mother really hates my dad for some reason. Maybe it was because he cheated on her, or maybe because it was her mom. Either way it really ruined her birthday.
i cought my girlfriend cheating on me, with our dad.
One day I got home and told my girlfriend "I cheated on you." she replied with "F**k you" I then said "But you won't, that's why I cheated on you."
My wife cheated on me with my brother She didn't have a sister so I improvised and now all I have to do is wait nine months for one to come
Why don’t cheetahs get married? They always cheat on each other
My girlfriend accused me of cheating. I told her she was starting to sound like my wife.
Why do cheetahs always win? Because they cheat
how do you know when your wife is cheating on you? - she comes home with sparkles on her face
I once was playing with my friend and roblox girlfriend, then one day, they cheated on me. i broke up with her and unfriended him then i saw my mom and my uncle crying! Me be like : ;-;
When I hired a asian detective to see if my wife was cheating on me, I got this letter:
Mr. Wong- I see he so I climb up tree, he knock on door and she let in he, she talks to he, he talks to she, he undress she, she undress he, she play with he, he play with she, I play with me, I fall out tree, I no see..... No fee.
Trump cheated somuch he cheated himself out of an election!
I bet when 2 cheetahs race and one of them cheats the other one says “ your such a Cheetah!” Then they laugh and go and eat a zebra or whatever.
If at first you don't succeed, CHEAT.
A man died and went to heaven, everytime you cheat you get a worse car, the first man cheated 5 times he got a jeep, the second man cheat 3 times he got a BMW, the third man never cheated he got a Lamborghini, the second man saw the third man sad he said "why are you sad" the third man said "I saw my wife with a scooter".
Bf:roses are red violets are blue ur my bf and i luv you
Gf:i luv u too
Bf:but the roses are wilting the violets are dead i heard you were cheating ill knock off ur head
Gf:ah about that
