What do you call an alligator with a vest?
An investigator.
Today someone was killed with a starter pistol. Police think it might be race related.
3 citizens were going through an exam to become agents of the FBI, their instructor handed the first guy a gun in a room with his wife and said he had to shoot them, he walked out in shame and said he couldn't do it. The second guy had the same scenario, he put the gun up but couldn't pull the trigger so he walked out in shame. The third guy was put in the same scenario, he walked out and told the instructor, "The gun wasn't loaded, I had to strangle the bitch."
I’ve been looking for my ex girlfriend’s killer for the past two years. But no one would do it.
Why did the orphan commit mass murder?
To be on top of the wanted list.
I comforted my friend about his wife’s death: until I found out who did it.
How did they know that princess Diana had dandraff? , They found her head and shoulders in the glove compartment...
I think my neighbor is stalking me as she's been googling my name on her computer. I saw it through my telescope last night.
You know it's only considered murder if there's a body. Otherwise it's just a missing person.
I wasn't staring at you I was trying to figure out if that's your forehead or the moon
Someone stole my toilet and the police have nothing to go on.
The cops are still searching for my wife's killer. Luckily I already fled the country.
There was murder. The detective suspected the artist first... because he was sketchy.
Why can't you solve a murder in Alabama?
All the DNA is identical and there are no dental records
i love murder shows... wish me luck cause im kinda hoping to be on one one day
A man shoots up a School and then fakes his own death, he then later returns to shoot up the same school, he repeats the prosses a few times untill the police catch him, when they ask why he did it, he replied "I wondered when you would check if i was still breathing"
I keep looking for my girlfriends killer but no one wants to do it.
Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson decide to go on a camping trip. After dinner and a bottle of wine, they lay down for the night, and go to sleep.
Some hours later, Holmes awoke and nudged his faithful friend.
"Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what you see."
Watson replied, "I see millions of stars."
"What does that tell you?"
Watson pondered for a minute.
"Astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets." "Astrologically, I observe that Saturn is in Leo." "Horologically, I deduce that the time is approximately a quarter past three." "Theologically, I can see that God is all powerful and that we are small and insignificant." "Meteorologically, I suspect that we will have a beautiful day tomorrow." "What does it tell you, Holmes?"
Holmes was silent for a minute, then spoke: "Watson, you idiot. Someone has stolen our tent!"
When I hired a asian detective to see if my wife was cheating on me, I got this letter:
Mr. Wong- I see he so I climb up tree, he knock on door and she let in he, she talks to he, he talks to she, he undress she, she undress he, she play with he, he play with she, I play with me, I fall out tree, I no see..... No fee.
4, 6, 8 and 9 have all been killed. -- 2, 3, 5, 7 and 11 are the prime suspects.
