Safety jokes
Why did the kid go in the guy's van?
Answer: He thought he was being adopted.
I slip on the wet floor, haha silly water :)
-Kachow!!!!!!!!!!!
-LMQ, You know what comes before lighting? THUNDER KACHIGA
5 Little Monkeys jumping on the bed. One fell off and bumped his head. Momma called the doctor and the doctor said... "Wait, why are there mines all over the floor?"
What animal has 5 legs?
A pitbull on a children's playground.
How does a rapper keep their money safe?
In a RAP VAULT.
Slow down prostitute ahead
I just prevented a 10-year-old from getting assaulted.
Nothing much, I just decided to go home.
"I don't trust stairs. They're always up to something."
Joe Biden would’ve died in the Secret Service tackle. They would have been like, "Get down Mr. Presi-"
Unfortunately, NASCAR has been canceled.
The woke people heard that it was a human traffic ring.
The way to stop school shootings is to give children an RPG.
Why is my anus burning?
'Cause I sat on an open lighter, oh god, help!
Yo mama so fat, her cereal bowl has a lifeguard.
It's not bad that my car doesn't beep when reversing.
The screams of the passers-by are enough for me!
Why does fireman wear red suspenders?
To hold his pants up.
Why did the blind man fall in the well? Because he couldn't see that well.
How do you stop a baby from crawling on the floor?
Nail one hand to the ground...
How do you stop it from crawling in circles? Nail the other hand to the floor.
"Trust falling" with a bridge is more trustworthy than me.
If your parachute doesn't work, don't worry.
You have the rest of your life to figure it out.
Q. What’s the only good thing about child molesters?
A. They drive slow through school zones.
Why do American guns only have 30 rounds?
Because it's the average class size.