Safety jokes

Somebody shouts "Fire!"

Man 1: Get the children out!

Man 2: F*** the children!

Man 3: We don't have time!

Why did the kid go in the guy's van?

Answer: He thought he was being adopted.

What animal has 5 legs?

A pitbull on a children's playground.

How does a rapper keep their money safe?

In a RAP VAULT.

"I don't trust stairs. They're always up to something."

Unfortunately, NASCAR has been canceled.

The woke people heard that it was a human traffic ring.

Joe Biden would’ve died in the Secret Service tackle. They would have been like, "Get down Mr. Presi-"

I just prevented a 10-year-old from getting assaulted.

Nothing much, I just decided to go home.

Did you hear about the guy who got hit in the head with a soda can?

He was lucky it was a soft drink!

You were born on the freeway, you know why?

Because that's where a lot of accidents happen. 😈

How do you stop a baby from crawling on the floor?

Nail one hand to the ground...

How do you stop it from crawling in circles? Nail the other hand to the floor.

What Happens When You Get Caught On Fire?

— You Lost To Slmebody When You Were Playing Hide And Seek, And The Place Where You Got Caught Was Exactly On A Patch Of Fire.

What is the best type of bath bomb?

A toaster.

"Trust falling" with a bridge is more trustworthy than me.

If your parachute doesn't work, don't worry.

You have the rest of your life to figure it out.

Why is my anus burning?

'Cause I sat on an open lighter, oh god, help!

The way to stop school shootings is to give children an RPG.

Yo mama so fat, her cereal bowl has a lifeguard.

Why did the blind man fall in the well? Because he couldn't see that well.

It's not bad that my car doesn't beep when reversing.

The screams of the passers-by are enough for me!