Safety jokes
5 Little Monkeys jumping on the bed. One fell off and bumped his head. Momma called the doctor and the doctor said... "Wait, why are there mines all over the floor?"
How does a rapper keep their money safe?
In a RAP VAULT.
What animal has 5 legs?
A pitbull on a children's playground.
Yo mama so fat, her cereal bowl has a lifeguard.
Unfortunately, NASCAR has been canceled.
The woke people heard that it was a human traffic ring.
Slow down prostitute ahead
I just prevented a 10-year-old from getting assaulted.
Nothing much, I just decided to go home.
Joe Biden would’ve died in the Secret Service tackle. They would have been like, "Get down Mr. Presi-"
Why is my anus burning?
'Cause I sat on an open lighter, oh god, help!
The way to stop school shootings is to give children an RPG.
If your parachute doesn't work, don't worry.
You have the rest of your life to figure it out.
"Trust falling" with a bridge is more trustworthy than me.
Q. What’s the only good thing about child molesters?
A. They drive slow through school zones.
Like, if you hate wearing a mask.
Every time I'm out in public, and I see someone without their mask, I always feel like there is something extra special about them. Then I realize that I can see all their face!
True story by the way.
Why do American guns only have 30 rounds?
Because it's the average class size.
It's not bad that my car doesn't beep when reversing.
The screams of the passers-by are enough for me!
Why did the blind man fall in the well? Because he couldn't see that well.
What's the good thing about child perverts?
They drive slow in a school zone.
Why does fireman wear red suspenders?
To hold his pants up.
What's yellow and can't swim? A bus full of kids.
When you hide in the girl's bathroom so the school shooter won't go in there: 😃
When you notice that the school shooter is female: 😟