Safety jokes
5 Little Monkeys jumping on the bed. One fell off and bumped his head. Momma called the doctor and the doctor said... "Wait, why are there mines all over the floor?"
Why did the kid go in the guy's van?
Answer: He thought he was being adopted.
Did you hear about the guy who got hit in the head with a soda can?
He was lucky it was a soft drink!
How do you stop a baby from crawling on the floor?
Nail one hand to the ground...
How do you stop it from crawling in circles? Nail the other hand to the floor.
You were born on the freeway, you know why?
Because that's where a lot of accidents happen. 😈
Memes
The way to stop school shootings is to give children an RPG.
Yo mama so fat, her cereal bowl has a lifeguard.
Joe Biden would’ve died in the Secret Service tackle. They would have been like, "Get down Mr. Presi-"
Unfortunately, NASCAR has been canceled.
The woke people heard that it was a human traffic ring.
Why is my anus burning?
'Cause I sat on an open lighter, oh god, help!
What's yellow and can't swim? A bus full of kids.
Why does fireman wear red suspenders?
To hold his pants up.
What's the good thing about child perverts?
They drive slow in a school zone.
Why do American guns only have 30 rounds?
Because it's the average class size.
Why did the blind man fall in the well? Because he couldn't see that well.
It's not bad that my car doesn't beep when reversing.
The screams of the passers-by are enough for me!
If your parachute doesn't work, don't worry.
You have the rest of your life to figure it out.
"Trust falling" with a bridge is more trustworthy than me.
Q. What’s the only good thing about child molesters?
A. They drive slow through school zones.
Kid: "THERE'S A SHOOTER IN THE BUILDING!"
Shooter: "Oops."