You were born on the freeway, you know why?
Because that's where a lot of accidents happen. 😈
Safety Jokes
"I don't trust stairs. They're always up to something."
Yo mama so fat, her cereal bowl has a lifeguard.
I lost my job at the bank on my very first day. A woman asked me to check her balance on the cliff, so I pushed her over because I lost my balance!
Dear Victims... äh Passengers, we are flying now from Ryadh to New York. Amazing Building... äh Amazing City. There's online, but 2000 there were two Towers... äh Restaurants. We hijack the plane... äh Hi Jack. Jack is my co-pilot, and I said hello. Don‘t scream... History Repea... äh... History never comes back, we are now flying back to the Airport. 💀
Why did so many people die in the Grenfell Fire Disaster in London?
All the exit signs were in English.
Why drink water and not bleach?
When you let the school shooter borrow your pen so he doesn't kill you.
An anti-bullying PSA and speeding PSA from the same creator meet one another.
The death toll went sky high.
Why do you like cream instead of bugs?
Because bugs can kill you.
The toaster, otherwise the perfect bath bomb.
When you lock the door, but you realize it's a pull open door!
What is one good thing about child molesters?
They drive slow past schools.
Family is precious, so you have to keep them away from the sunlight.
Yesterday a woman stabbed me, so I stabbed her back. Then I realized she was the vaccine woman.
When a 68 year old teacher says: "I am going to tackle an intruder if I have to!"
Me: "Oh hell nah"
Don't turn the toaster sideways, worst mistake of my life.
What's the best part of a terrorist on Fourth of July?
The finale.
Why did Stephen Hawking die?
Cause he would never look both ways.
I'd rate the pilot a 9/11.
