Safety jokes
If your parachute doesn't work, don't worry.
You have the rest of your life to figure it out.
It's not bad that my car doesn't beep when reversing.
The screams of the passers-by are enough for me!
"I don't trust stairs. They're always up to something."
Joe Biden would’ve died in the Secret Service tackle. They would have been like, "Get down Mr. Presi-"
The way to stop school shootings is to give children an RPG.
Memes
Yo mama so fat, her cereal bowl has a lifeguard.
What animal has 5 legs?
A pitbull on a children's playground.
I just prevented a 10-year-old from getting assaulted.
Nothing much, I just decided to go home.
Unfortunately, NASCAR has been canceled.
The woke people heard that it was a human traffic ring.
How does a rapper keep their money safe?
In a RAP VAULT.
I lost my job at the bank on my very first day. A woman asked me to check her balance on the cliff, so I pushed her over because I lost my balance!
Dear Victims... äh Passengers, we are flying now from Ryadh to New York. Amazing Building... äh Amazing City. There's online, but 2000 there were two Towers... äh Restaurants. We hijack the plane... äh Hi Jack. Jack is my co-pilot, and I said hello. Don‘t scream... History Repea... äh... History never comes back, we are now flying back to the Airport. 💀
Why drink water and not bleach?
Why did so many people die in the Grenfell Fire Disaster in London?
All the exit signs were in English.
Which room is the safest place in the house?
The living room.
Why do you like cream instead of bugs?
Because bugs can kill you.
What is one good thing about child molesters?
They drive slow past schools.
Why can't weapons play baseball?
Because they need to get to home base.
What do you call a gay kid on fire?
You're the reason the gene pool needs a lifeguard.