Safety jokes
"Hey, tie your shoes! I don’t want you falling for anyone else."
Why did I cross the road to might get hit by a car or a bus?
Guys, I know this is kinda weird, but everyone who wants to... Put your name and your age in the comment section. Not address though because that would not be good for creepers... Lol I am Lucy and I am 15 years old. What about you guys? :D
Kid: "THERE'S A SHOOTER IN THE BUILDING!"
Shooter: "Oops."
You were born on the freeway, you know why?
Because that's where a lot of accidents happen. 😈
Did you hear about the guy who got hit in the head with a soda can?
He was lucky it was a soft drink!
What is the best type of bath bomb?
A toaster.
What Happens When You Get Caught On Fire?
— You Lost To Slmebody When You Were Playing Hide And Seek, And The Place Where You Got Caught Was Exactly On A Patch Of Fire.
How do you stop a baby from crawling on the floor?
Nail one hand to the ground...
How do you stop it from crawling in circles? Nail the other hand to the floor.
"I don't trust stairs. They're always up to something."
I lost my job at the bank on my very first day. A woman asked me to check her balance on the cliff, so I pushed her over because I lost my balance!
Dear Victims... äh Passengers, we are flying now from Ryadh to New York. Amazing Building... äh Amazing City. There's online, but 2000 there were two Towers... äh Restaurants. We hijack the plane... äh Hi Jack. Jack is my co-pilot, and I said hello. Don‘t scream... History Repea... äh... History never comes back, we are now flying back to the Airport. 💀
Why did the skydiver's parachute fail?
Because it was made by the same company that made their life decisions.
Why did the skydiver bring a backup parachute?
In case the first one wanted to "cut ties" with them mid-air.
Why did the skydiver's parachute fail?
Because it realized it had a better chance of survival without them.
Why is bungee jumping similar to a condom?
Because if the rubber snaps, you're fucked.
What did the other traffic cone say to the other?
"Look away, I'm changing!"
Yo mama so stupid, she put airbags on her computer in case it crashed.
Why did the rapper bring a parachute to the concert?
In case he had to drop some BOMBS.
Why couldn't people have their phone on airplane mode during 9/11?
Because their phone exploded the towers.