Safety jokes
What’s the craziest thing Kurt Cobain released?
The safety.
How do you make a blow job OSHA compliant? You add a railing!
If I ever have a YouTube channel, I'm pretty sure it would be called "101 Things NOT To Do With Electrical Sockets."
Why is the fat man roping himself to the side of a mountain?
So he doesn't roll back down!
What is the difference between a microwave and a basket?
The microwave oven does not explode within the set time.
When 9/11 happened, we changed our airport policies. When school shootings happen, we haven't changed anything since the shooting at Columbine in 1999. And we say we want the children to be safe.
When 9/11 happened, we changed our airport policies. When school shootings happen, we haven't changed anything since the shooting at Columbine in 1999. And we say we want the children to be safe.
Why do American guns only have 30 rounds in the clip? Because that’s the average class size.
What gets long when you put it, slides into holes, and likes to squeeze between boobs?
A seatbelt.
What do bungee jumping and a gay man have in common?
If the rubber breaks, they're in beep shit.
What has four legs and one arm?
A Rottweiler in a children’s playground.
Why are women and children evacuated first in a disaster?
So we can think about a solution in silence.
Q. What's the difference between a Kevlar vest and a CEO?
A. The CEO isn't bulletproof.
Why does everyone get offended at female firefighters?
Like seriously, if your house is on fire and burning, you wouldn't really care if the person saving you had a low IQ, right?
Why are clips 30 rounds? Because that's the average class size.
I told one of my friends, "You're the reason why gene pools have lifeguards."
Be careful, everybody, I have a red dot on my forehead, so I can record everybody!
What were the last words of your grandma in 2020?
"Oh, I think I forgot my mask!"
Why did the chicken cross the road?
Because he got hit by a car.
Why is bungee jumping similar to a condom?
Because if the rubber snaps, you're fucked.