Why does everyone get offended at female firefighters?
Like seriously, if your house is on fire and burning, you wouldn't really care if the person saving you had a low IQ, right?
Why are clips 30 rounds? Because that's the average class size.
I told one of my friends, "You're the reason why gene pools have lifeguards."
Be careful, everybody, I have a red dot on my forehead, so I can record everybody!
What were the last words of your grandma in 2020?
"Oh, I think I forgot my mask!"
Why did the chicken cross the road?
Because he got hit by a car.
Why is bungee jumping similar to a condom?
Because if the rubber snaps, you're fucked.
"John FK, he think he special car no top, everyone see like he on parade. Me, I stay hidden, secret style, no bullets find me. Much smar smarter, no? Scret lifestyle safety."
Unfortunately, NASCAR has been canceled.
The woke people heard that it was a human traffic ring.
Today I'm attaching a light to the ceiling, but I'm afraid I'll probably screw it up.
My friend was showing me his tool shed and pointed to a ladder. "That's my stepladder," he said. "I never knew my real ladder."
What's the difference between a white woman and a tornado siren?
The tornado siren doesn't get raped.
What’s worse than running with scissors?
Scissoring with the runs!
I guess making 9/11 jokes at the airport is better than shouting "He's got a gun!" at the airport.
What do you do when a woman is choking?
Back up a couple inches.
How can a pimp save money in buying condoms for his stable?
Answer: Have his hoes wash and rinse them after every use.
Why does OSHA require women to wear panties?
Because every manhole needs a cover.
Why did the terrorist masturbate and smoke weed on the plane?
He was told to high-jack it.
A cop pulls over a carload of nuns.
The cop says, "Sister, this is a 55 MPH highway. Why are you going so slow?"
The Sister replies, "Sir, I saw a lot of signs that said 41, not 55."
The cop answers, "Oh, Sister, that's not the speed limit, that's the name of the highway you are on!"
The Sister says, "Oh! Silly me! Thanks for letting me know. I'll be more careful."
At this point, the cop looks in the backseat where the other nuns are shaking and trembling. The cop asks, "Excuse me, Sister, what's wrong with your friends back there? They are shaking something terrible."
The Sister answers, "We just got off Highway 101."
Joe Biden would’ve died in the Secret Service tackle. They would have been like, "Get down Mr. Presi-"
