Safety

Safety Jokes

Danielle Smith

I'm not saying Danielle Smith shouldn't party with oil barons.

I'm just saying that she should carefully watch her drink if she does.

Rubber

What do bungee jumping and a gay man have in common?

If the rubber breaks, they're in beep shit.

Aish office

I started working at the AISH office a few months ago.

I felt like I wasn't fitting in. Then my coworker showed me where the pepper spray and emergency contraception pills were.

Now I feel like I belong.

Disaster

Why are women and children evacuated first in a disaster?

So we can think about a solution in silence.

CEO

Q. What's the difference between a Kevlar vest and a CEO?

A. The CEO isn't bulletproof.

Firefighter

Why does everyone get offended at female firefighters?

Like seriously, if your house is on fire and burning, you wouldn't really care if the person saving you had a low IQ, right?

Red Dot

Be careful, everybody, I have a red dot on my forehead, so I can record everybody!

Grandma

What were the last words of your grandma in 2020?

"Oh, I think I forgot my mask!"

Condom

Why is bungee jumping similar to a condom?

Because if the rubber snaps, you're fucked.

Assassination

"John FK, he think he special car no top, everyone see like he on parade. Me, I stay hidden, secret style, no bullets find me. Much smar smarter, no? Scret lifestyle safety."

NASCAR

Unfortunately, NASCAR has been canceled.

The woke people heard that it was a human traffic ring.

Light

Today I'm attaching a light to the ceiling, but I'm afraid I'll probably screw it up.

Ladder

My friend was showing me his tool shed and pointed to a ladder. "That's my stepladder," he said. "I never knew my real ladder."

Woman

What's the difference between a white woman and a tornado siren?

The tornado siren doesn't get raped.

Run

What’s worse than running with scissors?

Scissoring with the runs!

Airport

I guess making 9/11 jokes at the airport is better than shouting "He's got a gun!" at the airport.