Safety

Safety Jokes

Suicide

Fuck it, suicide is wrong, but if you jump off a bridge and yell "parkour," it's a failed stunt.

Rubber

A condom and bungee jumping are exactly alike, if the rubber breaks, you're f**ked.

  • 8
  • Rubber

    I'm not going to bungee jump. I was born because of broken rubber and I'm not gonna die the same way.

    Pedophile

    Say what you want about pedophiles, but at least they drive slow through school zones.

    Scissors

    Children should never run with scissors, and lesbians should never scissor with the runs.

  • 3
  • Baby

    Why did the baby cross the road? The car seat wasn’t strapped in.

    Priest

    Father: "The church is on fire! GET OUT! GET OUT!"

    Priest: "Ok, what about the children?"

    Father: "FUCK THE CHILDREN!"

    Priest: "Do you think we'll have time?"

    Role Model

    Stephen Hawking is such a bad role model for our kids.

    He only ever looks one way when crossing the street.

  • 9
  • Zone

    Stop hating on pedos. At least they drive slow in school zones.

  • 9
  • Robbery

    So I was being robbed, and this guy had the gun to my head, so I told him he was holding it backwards.

    Quiet Kid

    When you're the only one nice to the quiet kid.

    Kid: "I like you... don't go to school tomorrow."

    Van

    Roses are red, violets are blue, I'd get in the van if I were you...

  • 8
  • School shooting

    I went to the shooting range the other day. After a while, I realized I was the only one there. So, I decided to go home and saw on the news that there was a mass school shooting and there were reporters on the scene. Man, I knew I should have stayed around a little longer.