Fuck it, suicide is wrong, but if you jump off a bridge and yell "parkour," it's a failed stunt.
A condom and bungee jumping are exactly alike, if the rubber breaks, you're f**ked.
When you hit a speed bump in a school zone and remember, there are no speed bumps.
I'm not going to bungee jump. I was born because of broken rubber and I'm not gonna die the same way.
Say what you want about pedophiles, but at least they drive slow through school zones.
5 out of 6 scientists say Russian Roulette is safe.
Children should never run with scissors, and lesbians should never scissor with the runs.
I was going 80 in a school zone and the speed bump was screaming.
Why did the baby cross the road? The car seat wasn’t strapped in.
Father: "The church is on fire! GET OUT! GET OUT!"
Priest: "Ok, what about the children?"
Father: "FUCK THE CHILDREN!"
Priest: "Do you think we'll have time?"
Remember, kids: the school shooter can't get you if YOU are the shooter.
Stephen Hawking is such a bad role model for our kids.
He only ever looks one way when crossing the street.
Stop hating on pedos. At least they drive slow in school zones.
Condoms? HA! Those are for pussies!
Roses are red Violets are blue, I'd get in the van if I where you...
I went to the shooting range the other day after a while I realized I was the only one there so I decided to go home and saw on the news that there was a mass school shooting and there were reporters on the scene, man I knew I should have stayed around a little longer.
When you're the only one nice to the quiet kid.
Kid: "I like you... don't go to school tomorrow."
Say what you want against pedophiles, but they slow down in school zones.
Q: Why did the young boy ask his parents to take him to the Cowboys’ AT&T Stadium during the tornado warning?
A: He said, “There’s never a touchdown there.”
Never buy an epileptic kid light-up Sketchers.
