Safety jokes
Why did the wall fall over?
A drunk driver hit it going 90mph and died.
Me: *Calls friend* "Dude, I just fell off a 50-foot ladder!"
Friend: "Bro, you ok?!"
Me: "Yeah, lucky I only fell off the first step!"
I gave the blind kid a gun and said it was a hair dryer.
I'm in school shooting. #USA
What do you call a traffic light that tells you, "Don't look, I am changing!"
Memes
I don't understand why people hide under their blankets. It's not like the killer's gonna be like, "I'm gonna kill-....ahh man he's under his blanket."
What does an orphan call a family photo?
A selfie.
Living in Houston, Texas, and realizing that hurricanes are an annual threat, my ex-wife called me and asked what would be the safest route to get out of Houston to avoid a hurricane. My answer? Take the 610 loop, dear!
A fire broke out at the circus, it was intense.
You don’t need a parachute to go skydiving, you need a parachute to go skydiving twice.
What's the difference between a chicken and me? None, they both don't watch right and left before crossing the road.
Roses are red,
my life is a disaster,
the children are fast,
but the combine is F A S T E R!
What were the last words of your grandma in 2020?
"Oh, I think I forgot my mask!"
Why do people not adhere to the corona measures?
Because they hate their lives and want to die.
Q: What is a skeleton's favorite color?
A: Blue stop signs.
I was shocked when I found out my toaster wasn't waterproof.
Why did the kid go in the guy's van?
Answer: He thought he was being adopted.
Why did the blonde run outside naked?
She thought the steam was a gas leak.
I slip on the wet floor, haha silly water :)
-Kachow!!!!!!!!!!!
-LMQ, You know what comes before lighting? THUNDER KACHIGA
5 Little Monkeys jumping on the bed. One fell off and bumped his head. Momma called the doctor and the doctor said... "Wait, why are there mines all over the floor?"