Safety jokes
What does an orphan call a family photo?
A selfie.
You don’t need a parachute to go skydiving, you need a parachute to go skydiving twice.
A fire broke out at the circus, it was intense.
What's the difference between a chicken and me? None, they both don't watch right and left before crossing the road.
Roses are red,
my life is a disaster,
the children are fast,
but the combine is F A S T E R!
It is not funny about kidnapping.
Me: *Calls friend* "Dude, I just fell off a 50-foot ladder!"
Friend: "Bro, you ok?!"
Me: "Yeah, lucky I only fell off the first step!"
I gave the blind kid a gun and said it was a hair dryer.
I'm in school shooting. #USA
Why did the wall fall over?
A drunk driver hit it going 90mph and died.
What do you call a traffic light that tells you, "Don't look, I am changing!"
Roses are red.
I have free candy. Get in my van. I have free candy!
Do you put a baby in the microwave covered or uncovered?
Covered, it can take weeks to clean up the explosion.
Today we need to teach our teens about having safe sex while using contraceptives.
Condoms 99 percent effective.
Birth control 99 percent effective.
Etc.
Just be like me and use underage 7 year olds works 100 percent of the time (only cost 20 years in jail ;)
Q: What is a skeleton's favorite color?
A: Blue stop signs.
I was shocked when I found out my toaster wasn't waterproof.
Why do people not adhere to the corona measures?
Because they hate their lives and want to die.
Why did the blonde run outside naked?
She thought the steam was a gas leak.
I slip on the wet floor, haha silly water :)
-Kachow!!!!!!!!!!!
-LMQ, You know what comes before lighting? THUNDER KACHIGA
5 Little Monkeys jumping on the bed. One fell off and bumped his head. Momma called the doctor and the doctor said... "Wait, why are there mines all over the floor?"