Safety jokes
I gave the blind kid a gun and said it was a hair dryer.
Why did the wall fall over?
A drunk driver hit it going 90mph and died.
I'm in school shooting. #USA
What do you call a traffic light that tells you, "Don't look, I am changing!"
Roses are red,
my life is a disaster,
the children are fast,
but the combine is F A S T E R!
Memes
It is not funny about kidnapping.
Roses are red.
I have free candy. Get in my van. I have free candy!
Do you put a baby in the microwave covered or uncovered?
Covered, it can take weeks to clean up the explosion.
What does an orphan call a family photo?
A selfie.
Living in Houston, Texas, and realizing that hurricanes are an annual threat, my ex-wife called me and asked what would be the safest route to get out of Houston to avoid a hurricane. My answer? Take the 610 loop, dear!
I don't understand why people hide under their blankets. It's not like the killer's gonna be like, "I'm gonna kill-....ahh man he's under his blanket."
What's the difference between a chicken and me? None, they both don't watch right and left before crossing the road.
What were the last words of your grandma in 2020?
"Oh, I think I forgot my mask!"
I was shocked when I found out my toaster wasn't waterproof.
Why do people not adhere to the corona measures?
Because they hate their lives and want to die.
Q: What is a skeleton's favorite color?
A: Blue stop signs.
Q: What is red, white, and blue and fun to watch?
A: A cop car rolling over after trying to catch someone for speeding.
Why did the blonde run outside naked?
She thought the steam was a gas leak.
Somebody shouts "Fire!"
Man 1: Get the children out!
Man 2: F*** the children!
Man 3: We don't have time!
I slip on the wet floor, haha silly water :)
-Kachow!!!!!!!!!!!
-LMQ, You know what comes before lighting? THUNDER KACHIGA