Something jokes
What’s the difference between a chicken and an orphan?
The chicken is actually used for something.
Huh, I’m pregnant again. Must be something in the air.
Yeah, your legs.
I have kleptomania. But when it gets bad, I take something for it.
A girl's pussy is a muff, and when we have something against our mouths, they say our voice is muffled, so do I think the origin of the word "muffled" is talking while eating muff?
So NFL teams were playing football on me, and then Justin Jefferson hit something called "the gritty" on me.
My mom interrupted my gaming session to tell me to hang up the lights.
I hung something else instead.
What do you say when a handicapped man forgets something? "He knew it like the back of his hand."
Why is something orphans can never say?
"Let's go home."
When a woman is something weeks or months pregnant and her stomach has a visible bump, everyone rubs her tummy, but no one tickles the husband's balls and says, "Good job, buddy!"
I call this my great talk with Siri.
Me: Hey Siri, give me a "yo mama" joke.
Siri: My mother? Huh?
Me: Did I stutter?
Siri: Interesting question.
Me: It wasn’t a question.
Siri: I’m not sure I understand?
Me: You should understand.
Siri: Hmm... Is there something else I can help with?
Me: No, you b***.
Run, or something will come to you, and you will be afraid to tell it to stop following you.
I hope you forget your password to something, only to send something to an email that you also forgot the password to.
Why can an orphan go to a store to buy something and what can come back home?
Because they don't have a home.
Sometimes I wish I could use my school scissors on my heart.
But apparently there is something in your heart, so I already have scissors in my heart.
What should people do with their floppy dicks?
I give them a good wiggle waggle to raise awareness of something!
What is something an orphan's phone does not have?
Home buttons.
I asked my mom if I could be Wednesday (from the Addams family). She said no. She said I would look creepy and weird. She said I HAVE TO BE SOMETHING CUTE. The outfit looked ridiculous. Everyone else looked spooky except for me ;-;.
A cop pulls over a carload of nuns.
The cop says, "Sister, this is a 55 MPH highway. Why are you going so slow?"
The Sister replies, "Sir, I saw a lot of signs that said 41, not 55."
The cop answers, "Oh, Sister, that's not the speed limit, that's the name of the highway you are on!"
The Sister says, "Oh! Silly me! Thanks for letting me know. I'll be more careful."
At this point, the cop looks in the backseat where the other nuns are shaking and trembling. The cop asks, "Excuse me, Sister, what's wrong with your friends back there? They are shaking something terrible."
The Sister answers, "We just got off Highway 101."
I know this is a really bad poem, but I'll do it anyway 'cause I have nothing else to do.
'Twas so pretty a night, with people all asleep. Everyone's dreaming of that candy apple treat, and a palace. But alas! No, it's all a dream. Even eating ice cream, it's all a dream! Why can't I have this? Why can't I have that? BUT NO! It's just hitting you like a bat. YOU JUST HAVE TO HAVE IT, you say to yourself. All for me, all for me, and et cetera. It goes on and on. But why wish for riches? You're already rich enough. If you have a device, then take my advise, if you were poor you would have spent the money on food, like honey, not something that... OF ALL THINGS IS GOOGLE!
Like I said, it's really bad. :(
Trump and Anakin Skywalker have something in common: they’ve both killed a lot of sand people.