Safety jokes

How is having fun with a prostitute like bungee jumping?

You’re dead if the rubber breaks.

I was riding a bike with no helmet. I went and went with no helmet until... I broke my head with no helmet on!

It is not funny about kidnapping.

What problems might a blind child run into?

A wall.

Why shouldn't you buy Russian underpants?

Because Chernobyl fallout.

How do you tell if a blond is really stupid?

Put a scratch and sniff on a bleach pod.

I'm not going to bungee jump. I was born because of broken rubber and I'm not gonna die the same way.

What do you think is going through kids' heads during school shootings? Bullets.

Have you heard about the pedophile who was found guilty of robbery?

- He robbed children of their innocence.

I heard a neat little trick you can use to have a public pool all to yourself. If you blow a whistle 3 times, everyone will just get out!

Q: What did I find on my son's search history?

A: Where is the nearest gun shop?

There are 4 people on a plane while it's crashing and there are only 3 parachutes. There's Opera, Obama, a little girl, and Trump. Opera grabs a parachute and says, "I'm famous, I get one!" And Trump grabs one and says, "Well, I'm president, of course I get one!" Obama looks at the little girl and says, "Since you're the future of our generation, take the last one." The little girl hugs Obama and says, "Actually, we can both have one. Trump took my backpack!"

Why can orphans never be kidnapped?

No one can tell them that "your parents said that they would be delayed and I was told to pick you up."

When you go over a speed bump, but you remember that there are no speed bumps in the school zone.

My friend was a victim of a school shooting once, but he couldn't tell if they were in the library because of the suppressor on his AR.

How old are you...? I don’t give a shit, stfu and get in ma van.

“NO NO NO”

I’ll give you some candy.

“Oh ok🤩”

Is crummy bears alright??