Water Jokes

Anonymous

Today a man knocked on my door and asked for a small donation towards the local swimming pool. – I gave him a glass of water.

he he funny sex number

jack and jill went up the hill to do it in the water. jack slipped, his condom ripped, and now they have a daughter

9
Anonymous
in Puns

RIP boiling water. You will be mist.

hartfelt.net
in Blonde

Window Problems A blonde texts her husband on a cold winter’s morning: "Windows frozen, won’t open." Husband texts back: "Gently pour some lukewarm water over it and gently tap edges with hammer." Wife texts back 5 minutes later: "Computer really messed up now.”

3
Anonymous
in Puns

Do you know how to make holy water? You boil the hell out of it.

clarityrulz

When I was a child, my parents told me my uncle was ‘sleeping with the fishes’. At first, I thought he bought a water bed, but I then discovered he was killed and buried at sea.

Aha

Did you know that Germany came up with sparkling water

Who else would think of adding gas

Anonymous
in Depression

They say people are 75% water But I’m 100% useless

9
Anonymous
in Puns

My friend can’t afford to pay his water bill anymore, so I sent him a card, “Get well soon.”

1
Anonymous
in Chuck Norris

Jesus could walk on water and Chuck Norris can swim through land

1
Nigeran

You know how to get 10,000 followers? Run through Africa with a bottle of water.

3
Anonymous
in Suicide Bomber

what do you call a suicide bomber that loves water? a bath bomb

Impostor is sus
in Orphan

Why do orphans have water in their cereal? Because their dad never came home with the milk.

Anonymous
in Politics

9 out of 10 doctors recommend for children to drink water instead of soda. – That 1 doctor lives in Flint, Michigan.

9
Anonymous
in Orphan

y do orphans eat cereal with water

there dad did not come back with the milk

Anonymous

A vampire walks into a bar and orders a cup of hot water. The bartender asks, “I thought you guys only drink blood?”

The vampire pulls out a used tampon and says, “I’m making tea.”

2
Anonymous
in Sea

Once there were twins, Mark and Michael, Mark was the owner of a old boat. It so happened that Michael’s wife died the same day that Mark’s boat sank. A few days later, a kindly old woman saw Mark and mistook him for Michael. She said, "I’m sorry to hear about your loss. You must just feel terrible. "Mark, thinking that she was talking about his boat, said, “Heck no. In fact, I’m sort of glad to be rid of her. She was a rotten old thing right from the beginning. Her bottom was all shrivelled up and she smelled like old dead fish. She was always losing her water; she had a bad crack in the back and a pretty big hole in the front too. Every time I used her, her hole got bigger and she leaked like crazy. I guess what finally finished her off was when I rented her to these four guys looking for a good time. I warned them that she wasn’t very good, but they wanted to use her anyhow. The fools tried to get in her all at once and she split right up the middle!” The old lady fainted. 🤣🤣🤣😂😂😂

Jack
in Orphan

Why do orphans have water with cereal? Because there dad never came back with the milk

Anonymous

Astronauts just found water on mars! Mars: 1 Africa: 0