Window Problems A blonde texts her husband on a cold winter’s morning: "Windows frozen, won’t open." Husband texts back: "Gently pour some lukewarm water over it and gently tap edges with hammer." Wife texts back 5 minutes later: "Computer really messed up now.”
Today a man knocked on my door and asked for a small donation towards the local swimming pool. – I gave him a glass of water.
jack and jill went up the hill to do it in the water. jack slipped, his condom ripped, and now they have a daughter
RIP boiling water. You will be mist.
Did you know that Germany came up with sparkling water
Who else would think of adding gas
My friend can’t afford to pay his water bill anymore, so I sent him a card, “Get well soon.”
If we can’t see air can fish see water?
They say people are 75% water But I’m 100% useless
9 out of 10 doctors recommend for children to drink water instead of soda. – That 1 doctor lives in Flint, Michigan.
Jesus could walk on water and Chuck Norris can swim through land
The W in African stands for water
When I was a child, my parents told me my uncle was ‘sleeping with the fishes’. At first, I thought he bought a water bed, but I then discovered he was killed and buried at sea.
You know how to get 10,000 followers? Run through Africa with a bottle of water.
Why did the fish cross the sea?
To get to the other tide! 😂 😂 😂
I went to see my grandfather in the hospital because I Wanted to get to know him better before he passed, maybe take a selfie with him. But when I got there my phone died so I unplugged a vacuum to plug in my phone, and it turns out he only knows Spanish so When he kept saying “Me desconectaste el soporte de mi vida.” I thought he wanted water, but when I got back with the water he was asleep and now my phone was charged so I translated what he said. And it was “You unplugged my life support”, that’s when I called the doctor…
Good news is, I got one sick selfie!
one day, little Sally hears the phone ringing. she picks it up "Hello, this is daddy, Sally. Is your mom nearby." Sally says, “No, shes upstairs with Uncle john” “Uncle john? i don’t know an Uncle John.” “no, no, no, you must be mistaken, daddy” “no i’m sure there’s no one named Uncle John in our family.” “Okay, but why did you call?” Says Sally. “Ummm no reason, just tell mommy that daddy’s pulling into the driveway right now.” “Okay daddy!”
"Okay daddy! I did it!’ “Great job Sally! What did she says?”
“Mommy said OH FU… and then she ran around with no clothes on and tripped on the carpet and hit her head on the bookshelf. shes now resting it looks like… then Uncle John screams and jumps out the window into the swimming pool, but of course we took all the water out this winter…”
then dad replies “Swimming pool? we dont have a…is this 468-1843?”
A vampire walks into a bar and orders a cup of hot water. The bartender asks, “I thought you guys only drink blood?”
The vampire pulls out a used tampon and says, “I’m making tea.”
Why do sharks swim in salt water?
Because pepper water makes them sneeze.
A millionaire LOVES alligators and filled his pool full of alligators, One night he has a party and says,“whoever can swim from one end to the other of the alligator infested pool unharmed will get a prize, my daughter or a million dollars.” some people line up but they are hesitant. One man gets in the water, swims from one end to the other unharmed, and went to the millionaire. The millionaire says,“wow I can’t believe you did it! So whats your prize?” the guy says,“I don’t care about the million dollars or your daughter, I just want to know who the B@$*ard was that pushed me in the pool!”
what is the difference between a baby and a watermelon, one smashes open when you hit it with a sledge hammer and the other is a water melon