Today a man knocked on my door and asked for a small donation towards the local swimming pool. – I gave him a glass of water.

what is the difference between a baby and a watermelon, one smashes open when you hit it with a sledge hammer and the other is a water melon

Did you know that Germany came up with sparkling water

Who else would think of adding gas

RIP boiling water. You will be mist.

How do you make holy water?

You take normal water, and boil the hell out of it.

My friend can’t afford to pay his water bill anymore, so I sent him a card, “Get well soon.”

How do you make holy water?

You boil the hell out of it.

9 out of 10 doctors recommend for children to drink water instead of soda. – That 1 doctor lives in Flint, Michigan.

Jesus could walk on water and Chuck Norris can swim through land

Why do sharks swim in salt water?

Because pepper water makes them sneeze.

If a pregnant woman is under water, isn’t she technically a submarine?

Somebody once told me the world is gonna roll me I ain’t the sharpest tool in the shed She was looking kind of dumb with her finger and her thumb In the shape of an “L” on her forehead

Well, the years start coming and they don’t stop coming Fed to the rules and I hit the ground running Didn’t make sense not to live for fun Your brain gets smart but your head gets dumb

So much to do, so much to see So what’s wrong with taking the back streets? You’ll never know if you don’t go You’ll never shine if you don’t glow

[Chorus:] Hey, now, you’re an All Star, get your game on, go play Hey, now, you’re a Rock Star, get the show on, get paid And all that glitters is gold Only shooting stars break the mold

It’s a cool place and they say it gets colder You’re bundled up now wait 'til you get older But the meteor men beg to differ Judging by the hole in the satellite picture

The ice we skate is getting pretty thin The water’s getting warm so you might as well swim My world’s on fire. How about yours? That’s the way I like it and I’ll never get bored.

[Chorus 2x]

Somebody once asked could I spare some change for gas I need to get myself away from this place I said yep, what a concept I could use a little fuel myself And we could all use a little change

Well, the years start coming and they don’t stop coming Fed to the rules and I hit the ground running Didn’t make sense not to live for fun Your brain gets smart but your head gets dumb

So much to do, so much to see So what’s wrong with taking the back streets? You’ll never know if you don’t go You’ll never shine if you don’t glow.

[Chorus]

And all that glitters is gold Only shooting stars break the mold

How do you make Holy Water?- Get regular water and boil the devil out of it.

An American mother has 3 children. The first child asked his mum: 'Why is my sister caleed Crasy horse and my brother Rushing water?' Mum: Because those were the first thing I saw after i gave birth to them. Why are you asking all these questions 2 dogs f...ing?

Why don’t the Amish water ski?

The horses would drown.

Chuck Norris orders his coffee black, without water.

Do you want to go to the pool? Yes? Well water you waiting for?

Q. What do you get if you put hot water down a rabbit hole?

A. Hot cross bunnies!!!

Three nuns are on their way up to heaven after having been involved in a terrible minibus crash on the Italian Alps that killed them and the driver (he went the other direction!) As they’re approaching the Pearly Gates to be interview by St. Peter, they are requested by an attendant to form a single line and wait. Sister Agnes is first, Sister Bernadette behind her and Sister Carmel on the end. Finally, St. Peter approaches the nuns to determine their worthiness for entry to Heaven. He says to the first nun : “Sister Agnes, have you ever seen the p.... of a man”? Sister Agnes bursts into tears and says : Yes, St. Peter, I have, but please don’t let this prevent me from entering the Kingdom of Heaven". St. Peter says : “Never fear, my child. Say a thousand Hail Marys and then go over to that font of Holy Water and wash your eyes out, then you shall enter the Kingdom of Heaven”. Sister Carmel sees what’s going on and taps Sister Bernadette on the shoulder, somewhat urgently. “Pssst - hey Bernie”!, she says. Sister Bernadette asks : “What is it?” A little annoyed. Sister Carmel says : “Do you mind if we swap places”? Sister Bernadette replies : “What for”? Sister Carmel says : “Well, I wouldn’t mind gargling before you stick your ass in there”!

how do you boil holy water?..you boil the hell out of it

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