Water jokes
Q: What did the ocean say to the boy?
A: Nothing! Oceans don't talk, silly!
I was going to an expensive dinner with my friend's girlfriend because she really wanted to go, but he just got out of surgery, and he said take care of her, so I said, "Will do, bro. I’ll bring her back fuller than a topped-up water bottle."
A blonde texts her husband on a cold winter’s morning: "Windows frozen, won't open."
Husband texts back: "Gently pour some lukewarm water over it and gently tap edges with hammer."
Wife texts back 5 minutes later: "Computer really messed up now."
Today, a man knocked on my door and asked for a small donation towards the local swimming pool. I gave him a glass of water.
RIP boiling water. You will be mist.
You can lead a horse to water, but a pencil must be lead.
When I was a child, my parents told me my uncle was 'sleeping with the fishes.' At first, I thought he bought a water bed, but I then discovered he was killed and buried at sea.
Jack and Jill went up the hill to do it in the water. Jack slipped, his condom ripped, and now they have a daughter.
Tides right?
Why do orphans have water in cereal?
Because mom was never around to produce milk.
"Nepal is a good place because it has been a great time for me."
Why drink water and not bleach?
When I'm peeing in a toilet I don't pee directly into the water. I pee on the curved part of the bowl beside the water because I figure it splashes less, but when you're peeing that close to the edge, the sporadic tiny offshoots of pee become a greater threat.
I'm not sure if the accumulation of these offshoots is greater than the potential splashback from peeing mid-bowl. It's possible that I'm thinking about this too much, but it's also possible that I'm not thinking about this enough.
What are the similarities of an orphan and a water fountain?
They both sprout water.
Do you think I can shoot a basketball?
I make it dip like water.
I wanna take drowning lessons, but I can't find more than one session.
I fell into a water bed with super soil. Next thing I'm in a flower bed.
Two ropes meet. They ask each other, "Why are you wearing a hijab?" The other replies, "I want to go into the water now."
Did you hear about the nurse who couldn’t swim?
She ended up under the doc[tor].
You smell like tap water and cornflakes.