Pool

Anonymous

Today a man knocked on my door and asked for a small donation towards the local swimming pool. – I gave him a glass of water.

Daughter

he he funny sex number

jack and jill went up the hill to do it in the water. jack slipped, his condom ripped, and now they have a daughter

6

Wife

hartfelt.net

Window Problems A blonde texts her husband on a cold winter’s morning: "Windows frozen, won’t open." Husband texts back: "Gently pour some lukewarm water over it and gently tap edges with hammer." Wife texts back 5 minutes later: "Computer really messed up now.”

2

Puns

Anonymous

RIP boiling water. You will be mist.

9

Gas

Aha

Did you know that Germany came up with sparkling water

Who else would think of adding gas

Sea

clarityrulz

When I was a child, my parents told me my uncle was ‘sleeping with the fishes’. At first, I thought he bought a water bed, but I then discovered he was killed and buried at sea.

Depression

Anonymous

They say people are 75% water But I’m 100% useless

9

Puns

Anonymous

My friend can’t afford to pay his water bill anymore, so I sent him a card, “Get well soon.”

1

Fat

Anonymous

YOUR MAMA SO FAT WHEN SHE ASKED FOR A WATER BED THEY PUT A BLAKET OVER THE PACIFIC OCEAN

Hell

Anonymous

Do you know how to make holy water? You boil the hell out of it.

Doctor

Anonymous

9 out of 10 doctors recommend for children to drink water instead of soda. – That 1 doctor lives in Flint, Michigan.

7

Bartender

Anonymous

A vampire walks into a bar and orders a cup of hot water. The bartender asks, “I thought you guys only drink blood?”

The vampire pulls out a used tampon and says, “I’m making tea.”

Orphan

Anonymous

y do orphans eat cereal with water

there dad did not come back with the milk

8

Jesus

Anonymous

Jesus could walk on water and Chuck Norris can swim through land

1

Orphan

Impostor is sus

Why do orphans have water in their cereal? Because their dad never came home with the milk.

Orphan

Jack

Why do orphans have water with cereal? Because there dad never came back with the milk

Following

Nigeran

You know how to get 10,000 followers? Run through Africa with a bottle of water.

0

Wife

Anonymous

Once there were twins, Mark and Michael, Mark was the owner of a old boat. It so happened that Michael’s wife died the same day that Mark’s boat sank. A few days later, a kindly old woman saw Mark and mistook him for Michael. She said, "I’m sorry to hear about your loss. You must just feel terrible. "Mark, thinking that she was talking about his boat, said, “Heck no. In fact, I’m sort of glad to be rid of her. She was a rotten old thing right from the beginning. Her bottom was all shrivelled up and she smelled like old dead fish. She was always losing her water; she had a bad crack in the back and a pretty big hole in the front too. Every time I used her, her hole got bigger and she leaked like crazy. I guess what finally finished her off was when I rented her to these four guys looking for a good time. I warned them that she wasn’t very good, but they wanted to use her anyhow. The fools tried to get in her all at once and she split right up the middle!” The old lady fainted. 🤣🤣🤣😂😂😂

9

Sally

jimmidy cricket

one day, little Sally hears the phone ringing. she picks it up "Hello, this is daddy, Sally. Is your mom nearby." Sally says, “No, shes upstairs with Uncle john” “Uncle john? i don’t know an Uncle John.” “no, no, no, you must be mistaken, daddy” “no i’m sure there’s no one named Uncle John in our family.” “Okay, but why did you call?” Says Sally. “Ummm no reason, just tell mommy that daddy’s pulling into the driveway right now.” “Okay daddy!”

long pause

"Okay daddy! I did it!’ “Great job Sally! What did she says?”

“Mommy said OH FU… and then she ran around with no clothes on and tripped on the carpet and hit her head on the bookshelf. shes now resting it looks like… then Uncle John screams and jumps out the window into the swimming pool, but of course we took all the water out this winter…”

then dad replies “Swimming pool? we dont have a…is this 468-1843?”

1

Puns

Anonymous

If we can’t see air can fish see water?

4