Today, a man knocked on my door and asked for a small donation towards the local swimming pool. I gave him a glass of water.
RIP boiling water. You will be mist.
jack and jill went up the hill to do it in the water. jack slipped, his condom ripped, and now they have a daughter
Window Problems A blonde texts her husband on a cold winter’s morning: "Windows frozen, won't open." Husband texts back: "Gently pour some lukewarm water over it and gently tap edges with hammer." Wife texts back 5 minutes later: "Computer really messed up now.”
Jesus could walk on water and Chuck Norris can swim through land
Are you a toaster? Bc I want to take a bath w you ;)
What's yellow and can't swim? A bus full of children
I bet my friend $5 that he would die drowning.
A depressing but satisfying victory.
What pool never runs dry? The one on the Titanic.
I like my people how I like my tea..
In a bag under water.
Did you know the pool in the Titanic is still full
So I went out to eat the other day, and the waitress came up to me and asked if I wanted a glass of water. I said "Yes ma'am." She said "Oh honey, you don't have to call me ma'am, I'm not that old." I said "Okay, thanks bitch."
9 out of 10 doctors recommend for children to drink water instead of soda. -- That 1 doctor lives in Flint, Michigan.
They say people are 75% water But I'm 100% useless
what do you call a suicide bomber that loves water? a bath bomb
"Sir, I'm afraid your son can't attend our swimming lessons anymore."
"Why not?"
"He keeps peeing in the pool."
"Well, all kids pee in the pool."
"Not from the diving board!"
any girl can be a squirter if you hit the right artery
If you watch jaws backwards it's a heartworming story about a shark that gives arms and legs to disabled people
Got into a fight last night. We both had blades. He cut me deep. I thought I was gone, but he forgot to keep the water running.
Weird thing was that we were in the fight of our lives in the restroom and that guy kinda look like me.
How does Jesus make tea?
Hebrews it.
