I was walking down the street one day and I passed the gun store. I walked in and and everything was half off. I didn’t know back to school sales had started already
Stephen hawkings is such a bad role model for our kids
He only ever looks one way when crossing the street
Two atoms are walking down the street and they run in to each other. One says to the other, “Are you all right?” “No, I lost an electron!” “Are you sure?” “Yeah, I’m positive!”
Why did Paul walker cross the street?
Because he wasn’t wearing his seatbelt
A priest and a rabbi are walking down the street and they come to a kid playing in a sandbox. The priest says, “Hey, you wanna go screw that kid?”
To which the rabbi replies, "Out of what?
kid asks "what is dark humor?" me points"see at that guy across the street…" kid:"i can’t… I’m blind" me:"exactly "
I want to thank all the sidewalks out there for keeping me off the street
Two atoms were walking on a street. One atom said to the other: “I’m feeling really positive today” and the other replied: “I know. I stole your electron”. Then the first atom said “How Ionic”
What did one tampon say to the other tampon when they walked by each other on the street? Nothing. They were both stuck up cunts!
one man walks up to another and says hey did you here about the kidnapping at main street the guy says no the other guy says oh he woke up
There once was a street named Chuck Norris-They had to change the name because no one crosses Chuck Norris and lives
so this blind man was walking down the street with his stick right. and he walked passed this fish market, he took a deep breath and said " WWOAAH GOODMORNING LADIES"
A policeman found a dead body of a man on the street, he thought he recognized the body and the 2 friends he usually hung out with so he called in one of the friends. The friend looked into the dead body’s face and said, “yep that’s definitely Joe,” but then to be absolutely sure he turned the body over, pulled down the back of his pants and said, "oh no wait that’s not Joe. the policeman called in the 2nd friend, the 2nd friend looked into the dead body’s face and said, “yep that’s definitely Joe,” but then to be absolutely sure he turned the body over, pulled down the back of his pants and said, "oh no wait that’s not Joe. Confused the policeman asked, “how is it that when you look into his face you’re sure he is your friend, but when you look at his ass you’re sure he is not?” The 1st friend said, “well you see Joe has 2 assholes.” "Are you serious? the policeman asked. “Oh yes,” he replied, “we’ve never actually seen them but when the 3 of us hang out together people point and say, hey there’s Joe with those 2 assholes.”
A german soldier is walking down the street during a hail storm when a lady suddenly falls over after being hit. He, along with a few others, walk over to her. One man asks, “What happened?” and the soldier replies, “Hail hit her.” (say the joke aloud and it will make more sense)
One day, a priest is walking down the street and sees a little girl with a box. “What’s in the box?”, the priest asks. “Christian kittens”, the little girl answers. Pleased, the priest smiles and continues on his way. A week later, the same priest is walking down the street with a nun when he sees the little girl and the box again. “Ask her what she has in the box”, he says, “It’s the cutest thing!” The nun walks up and asks the girl what she has in the box. “Atheist kittens”, she says. The priest rushes forward and says "ATHEIST KITTENS!!! Last week you said they were “Christian kittens!!!” “They were”, she says. “Now their eyes are open”.
I told my mother i wanted a brother for Christmas The next day i saw her in the strip club across the street
I was walking down the street when i thought i smelled my ex’s perfume, turns out i was standing in front of a fish market.
A guy is bankrupt so he gives his son a duck and tells him to go sell it for as much as he can.so the kid goes on the street to sell the duck. A prostitute walks by and says I’ll f–ck you for $10. The boy says I would but I don’t have any money. She says ok I’ll take the duck instead. He says ok so they go up stairs and f—ck. The prostitute says that’s the best sex I’ve ever had. I’ll give you the duck back and we can do it again. So they do and he gets the duck back. But when they go downstairs the duck gets hit by a car. And the guy that hit the duck feels so bad that he gives the kid $25. So when he gets home his father asks him why he looks so tired. The boy says well I got a f—ck for a duck, a duck for a f—ck, and $25 for a f—cked up fuck.
Why go across the street when you can just go down the hall lol
I was walking down main street when I saw a child.
I told him, “I will give you 20$ if you get a my balls back from the vet.”
He replied, "Why did they take your balls sir?
“Beer plus going to the vet does not work well for everybody, expeciy when your a furry.”