Cross

Anonymous

Why did Paul walker cross the street?

Because he wasn’t wearing his seatbelt

Gun

The Milkman

I was walking down the street one day and I passed the gun store. I walked in and and everything was half off. I didn’t know back to school sales had started already

Atom

Anonymous

Two atoms are walking down the street and they run in to each other. One says to the other, “Are you all right?” “No, I lost an electron!” “Are you sure?” “Yeah, I’m positive!”

Kid

Oz

Stephen hawkings is such a bad role model for our kids

He only ever looks one way when crossing the street

Priest

Anonymous

A priest and a rabbi are walking down the street and they come to a kid playing in a sandbox. The priest says, “Hey, you wanna go screw that kid?”

To which the rabbi replies, "Out of what?

Name

Mr.Randoms

There once was a street named Chuck Norris-They had to change the name because no one crosses Chuck Norris and lives

Puns

The Flourine Bismuth

Two atoms were walking on a street. One atom said to the other: “I’m feeling really positive today” and the other replied: “I know. I stole your electron”. Then the first atom said “How Ionic”

Puns

Anonymous

I want to thank all the sidewalks out there for keeping me off the street

Kid

Anonymous

kid asks "what is dark humor?" me points"see at that guy across the street…" kid:"i can’t… I’m blind" me:"exactly "

Day

Razor

I told my mother i wanted a brother for Christmas The next day i saw her in the strip club across the street

Fish

boopadoopadudat

I was walking down the street when i thought i smelled my ex’s perfume, turns out i was standing in front of a fish market.

Kid

Anonymous

A guy is bankrupt so he gives his son a duck and tells him to go sell it for as much as he can.so the kid goes on the street to sell the duck. A prostitute walks by and says I’ll f–ck you for $10. The boy says I would but I don’t have any money. She says ok I’ll take the duck instead. He says ok so they go up stairs and f—ck. The prostitute says that’s the best sex I’ve ever had. I’ll give you the duck back and we can do it again. So they do and he gets the duck back. But when they go downstairs the duck gets hit by a car. And the guy that hit the duck feels so bad that he gives the kid $25. So when he gets home his father asks him why he looks so tired. The boy says well I got a f—ck for a duck, a duck for a f—ck, and $25 for a f—cked up fuck.

Man

Ya Boi

A german soldier is walking down the street during a hail storm when a lady suddenly falls over after being hit. He, along with a few others, walk over to her. One man asks, “What happened?” and the soldier replies, “Hail hit her.” (say the joke aloud and it will make more sense)

Difference

Anonymous

Somebody once told me the world is gonna roll me I ain’t the sharpest tool in the shed She was looking kind of dumb with her finger and her thumb In the shape of an “L” on her forehead

Well, the years start coming and they don’t stop coming Fed to the rules and I hit the ground running Didn’t make sense not to live for fun Your brain gets smart but your head gets dumb

So much to do, so much to see So what’s wrong with taking the back streets? You’ll never know if you don’t go You’ll never shine if you don’t glow

[Chorus:] Hey, now, you’re an All Star, get your game on, go play Hey, now, you’re a Rock Star, get the show on, get paid And all that glitters is gold Only shooting stars break the mold

It’s a cool place and they say it gets colder You’re bundled up now wait 'til you get older But the meteor men beg to differ Judging by the hole in the satellite picture

The ice we skate is getting pretty thin The water’s getting warm so you might as well swim My world’s on fire. How about yours? That’s the way I like it and I’ll never get bored.

[Chorus 2x]

Somebody once asked could I spare some change for gas I need to get myself away from this place I said yep, what a concept I could use a little fuel myself And we could all use a little change

Well, the years start coming and they don’t stop coming Fed to the rules and I hit the ground running Didn’t make sense not to live for fun Your brain gets smart but your head gets dumb

So much to do, so much to see So what’s wrong with taking the back streets? You’ll never know if you don’t go You’ll never shine if you don’t glow.

[Chorus]

And all that glitters is gold Only shooting stars break the mold

The Street

Anonymous

Why go across the street when you can just go down the hall lol

Movie

Anonymous

What movie do atheists watch for Christmas?

Coincidence on 34th Street

Ice

Anonymous

Why did little billy drop his ice cream cone?

Cuz he got hit by a bus while crossing the street.

Calculator

Anonymous

Here’s a trick I learned to do on the calculator

Sally had 69 boobs (69) which was too too too many (69222) so she went to the the doctor on 51st street (6922251) and he said to take a certain pill 8 times a day (6922251 times 8), which left her (flip your calculator over)

Boobless

Man

Anonymous

one man walks up to another and says hey did you here about the kidnapping at main street the guy says no the other guy says oh he woke up

Nut

Dante Medori

2 nuts were walking down the street, and one was a-salted!

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