it's jokes

Why did the Japanese NOT shoot down the American plane that was dropping atomic bombs?

From what their eyes saw, it was a piece of rice.

A man walks into a library and asks to borrow a book on how to commit suicide.

The librarian says, “No, you won’t bring it back.”

Old people kept saying "you're next" to me at weddings, so I started saying it to them at funerals.

A new drug has been developed for lesbians with depression.

It’s called Trycoxagain.

I won the lottery for a million dollars today, so I decided to donate a quarter of it to charity.

I now have $999,999.75.

There was a blonde, a redhead, and a brunette. They were all trapped on an island, and the nearest shore was 50 miles away.

The redhead swam, trying to make it to the other shore. She swam 15 miles, drowned, and died.

The brunette swam 24 miles, drowned, and died.

The blonde swam 25 miles, got tired, and swam back.

If you think about it, the 9/11 memorial is just a scoreboard.

I got arrested for raping a girl. Its so unfair, i really thought she was dead.

What do skeletons hate the most about wind?

Nothing, it goes right through them.

Son: Dad, do you remember your first blowjob?

Dad: Ohhh yeah, I do!

Son: How did it taste?

Dad: Get out.

Two brothers play on the street. One of them finds a condom on the ground. Not knowing what it is, they go to their mum and ask what it is that they found. Mum gets mad and yells to throw that away immediately.

Guys go back to the yard, surprised why their mum got mad for just latex. One of them says: "Why did mum get so angry?" The other: "I have no idea, thankfully we did not tell her that we've eaten the yogurt inside!"

The doctor told me I had aids. I said, "It's your fault, sister."

What do you call it when an orphan takes a family photo? A selfie.

Do emo kids get jealous of their phone when it dies?

Want to know how you make any salad into a caesar salad? Stab it twenty-three times.

All rape can be prevented. It's just a matter of semantics.

It's all shits and giggles till somebody giggles and shits.

Life would be so much easier if grass was emo.

Because it would cut itself.

While undressing a woman, she told me she has AIDS. I told her she can't catch it twice, but she still kept screaming.

What did the mother cow say to the baby cow?

"It's pasture bed time."