it's jokes

What's the difference between light and hard?

It's easy to get to sleep with a light on.

"_____ abortion clinic, you rape it, we scrape it.

_____ sperm bank, you spank it, we bank it."

This one kid never stands up for the pledge of allegiance, and I'm tired of it.

Today, I push him out of his wheelchair.

We can't go under it...

We can't go over it...

We have to go through it!

My wife is like a mirror.

I can never look at it.

I was going to watch the origami world championships before it folded.

But it was only on paper view.

No means no, but if you use chloroform, it’s a guaranteed yes.

I can’t hang out with an emo when they are sad? Why? Because it cuts deeply.

What's the difference between a priest and a rabbi? The rabbi cuts it off, and the priest sucks it off.

I stayed up all night trying to follow the sun... Then it dawned on me.

Man: "Is your body from McDonald's?"

Woman: "Why, because you're loving it?"

Man: "No, because it's fat and greasy."

Nevermind, it's retarded.

I got in touch with my inner self today, it's the last time I use 1-ply toilet roll.

Why don't orphans get offended by dark humor jokes?

It can't hit home.

Despite my devilish attitude, I have the heart of a small boy.

I keep it in a jar on my desk.

My friend said he wanted to die, and I told him not to jump. But when he screamed, "Hi, I'm Johnny Knoxville, and welcome to Jackass!" I knew it was over.

Everyone: So, wait, let me get this straight. Feminists want to cancel Father's Day because it is offensive to single mothers.

Feminists: Correct.

Everyone: Then what the f*** is the point of Mother's Day?

I heard a joke about candy bars, but it wasn't very funny, so I just snickered.

I know why Asian's eyes are always closed. It's because Americans are so fat and ugly.

An Asian man goes to the eye doctor.

The doctor says, "It looks like you have a cataract."

The Asian guy says, "No Doc, I drive a Rincoln."