it's jokes

I watched a documentary about a man who grew up in the Catholic church.

It was a touching story.

I tried to warn my son about playing Russian roulette. It went in one ear and out the other.

I was in a library and a black guy came up to me.

"Where's the coloured printer?" he said.

"Mate, it's 2025, you can use any printer you want," I replied.

When a midget smokes weed, does it get medium?

A woman approached me in the street the other day with one of those charity collection buckets and asked me: Do you know how often people die from AIDS?

I said: Now I'm no expert, but I think it's only once.

My ex-boyfriend tried to scan himself at the supermarket checkout for fun.

“See how I can’t scan myself? It’s because I’m priceless.”

I decided I’d scan my wrist too, just for fun.

Found out I’m worth $3.97.

A bomb is like a baby; when you drop it, everyone screams.

I don't struggle with depression, I'm used to it.

I saw a fat dude wearing a shirt that said "guess." I said 215kg, he didn't find it as funny.

My dad told me to stop with the suicide jokes, so I said I’ll cut it out.

What does Michael Jackson do with his meat? "Just beat it". His song btw lol.

I got jealous of the zebras. Sorry, I’ll cut it out. I wanted to practice for my med school test.

Why is it so hard to choose between buying a Subaru or a Volvo? Because you’re deciding whether you want to look like a rapist or a pedophile.

An apple a day keeps the doctor away...

Or at least it does if you throw it hard enough.... 🥵🤣

Dark humor is like parents. Not everyone gets it.

Man 1: Why don’t we just put all the debt in the world on one man, then kill him?

Man 2: We tried that once. It started a cult.

If Jesus was real, they wouldn’t call it the crucifixion. They would call it crucifact.

A shark can swim faster than me, but I can run faster than a shark.

So in a triathlon, it would all come down to whoever can ride a bike the fastest.

What did Michael Jackson say to the child sitting on him?

“Just beat it! Just beat it!”

If I eat a poisonous potato, it attacks my immune system and I die.

But if I poison a poisonous potato, then eat it, then I won't die because the potato is already dead and can't attack my immune system.