So I ran into a woman the other day who says her vaginas is like a lottery ticket. She said it's because you have to be lucky to hit it... I thought it's because she was always scratching it.
Three dead bodies are delivered to the mortuary one day. Each of them has a great big smile on their face.
The coroner examines the bodies and then calls the police to tell them what has happened.
"First body: Frenchman, 60, died of heart failure while making love to his mistress. Hence the enormous smile, Inspector", says the coroner.
"Second body: Scotsman, 25, won a thousand pounds on the lottery, spent it all on whisky. Died of alcohol poisoning, hence the smile."
The inspector then asks, "What about the third body?"
"Ah," says the coroner, "This is the most unusual one. Billy-Bob the redneck from Oklahoma, 30, struck by lightning."
"Why is he smiling then?" asks the inspector.
"He thought he was having his picture taken."
I won the lottery for a million dollars today, so I decided to donate a quarter of it to charity. -- I now have $999,999.75.
What's the quickest way to get money besides winning the lottery? keaving your son with Michael Jackson
I was in the corner shop to buy some lottery tickets, and the Indian woman was sporting a red dot on her forehead, I scratched it off and won a fucking ford focus!
One day I was very happy, I managed to win lottery and receive free vacation trip to Saudi Arabia! Everything was going well until suddenly the FRAUD appeared! It was him, PRISTIANO PENALDO! He dived towards me and grabbed my lottery ticket. I asked him why is he doing this only for him to reply "I need trip to Saudi Arabia to statpad the PENS!" as he dived back through my window.
Shame on you for stealing my vacation and ruin my day! You are no longer my Idol Pristianooooo!
When I was younger i went to an indian convenience store to pick up a lottery ticket. When the Cashier handed me the ticket, she told me to "hold it properly". So I ripped the red dot right off of her forehead.
If you steal a lottery ticket, is it considered Grand Theft LOTTO?
Of an orphan wins the lottery what do they have to use all of it on
Years of child support
I heard helium won the lottery. Turns out He lied.
STORY OF 2 PEOPLE NOT ME:
Girlfriend: What would you do if I won the lottery? Boyfriend: I would take half and leave you Girlfriend: Ok cool I won 12 dollars heres 6 and don't come back
What do you get when you cross an adopted kid with a river? Moses hits the adoption lottery!
Rachel won the lottery twice in two years. Her friend Jim called her every day asking for tips on winning just the same. Then one day, simply to get rid of him Rachel said. Watch two martial arts movies , eat three pieces of hard beef jerky, and pick a fight at a bar. Jim replied with a shocked look, that's what I do after Mr tugman shakes my hand to long.
