Flat jokes
I told my girlfriend that the world is flat.
She said, "but the world is round."
I said, babe, you are my world.
How do bitches talk about body positivity when they have no body to even be positive about?
What do you call a cow that was hit by an anvil? A flat iron steak.
You're so flat, you make pancakes look thiccc.
What do you get when you throw a piano down a mine shaft? A flat miner.
Roses are red, violets are black. Why is your chest as flat as your back?
What do you call a flat-chested emo girl?
A cutting board.
Father and mother are making love in the bedroom. Mother is on top of father. Suddenly, the son enters the bedroom. Everyone is embarrassed, of course.
The next morning, the mother takes the little boy aside and says, "I'll tell you about what you saw yesterday. You know, Dad has a big belly, and that's why Mom sometimes sits on top of that belly to push it flat." The little boy says, "But Mama, that does not make any difference." "Oh no?" the mom asks. "No," says the little boy, "When you go to work, the neighbor comes, and she puts herself on her knees for Dad, and she blows his belly up again!"
What's the difference between flat earthers and my grandfather? Flat earthers are more disconnected from reality than my grandfather is disconnected from his life support.
Girls are like rocks, the flat ones get skipped.
Flat Earthers
what do you call a flat road named after George Floyd?
Flat neck road.
The American salute starts with your hand facing flat towards the ground on your head.
The British salute starts with your hand against your head just like the American salute.
The French salute starts with your hands in the air.
The Saudi salute starts with you being bent over with a camel tongue in your ass.
Your mom is like a penny: two-faced, flat, and always in someone's pants.
What does a perverted frog say? Rub it.
Why don't witches wear underwear? To get a better grip on their broom.
What do girls and rocks have in common? The flat ones get skipped.
What is red and goes 200 mph? A baby in a blender.
She needs a flat surface cleaner.
Don't pick flat chests because they will turn their backs on you twice.
A drunk man walked out of a bar and kept falling flat on his face. He wondered why this was until his wife spoke to him:
Wife: "Why is your face all bloody?"
Husband: "I was so drunk that I couldn't stand up, so I kept falling on my face!"
Wife: "Idiot. You left your wheelchair at the bar!"
I like my girls like my coffee: Flat and white.
Flat Earther pickup line: "The Earth may be flat, but Uranus is round."