Flat Jokes

Roses are red

Anonymous
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roses are red violets are black why is your chest as flat as your back

Sadness

Anonymous stranger
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What does a rock and a girl have in common? The flat ones get skipped

Emo

Anonymous
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What do you call a flat chested emo girl

A cutting board

Difference

OP boss
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What's the difference between flat earthers and my grandfather? flat earthers are more disconnected from reality than my grandfather is disconnected from his life support.

1

Puns

Anonymous
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What do you get when you throw a piano down a mine shaft?

A flat miner.

1

Common

Sheeeeeeeeesshhh
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What does a perverted frog say? Rub it

Why don't witches wear underwear? To get a better grip on their broom

What do girls and rocks have in common? The flat ones get skipped

What is red and goes 200 mph? A baby in a blender

Music

Anonymous
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What did music tell the pancakes? -- B flat.

Dirtiness

Billy
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Girls are like rocks, the flat ones get skipped

Puns

well-crafted p....
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Flat Earthers

1

Drunk

President Lincoln
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A drunk man walked out of a bar and kept falling flat on his face. He wondered why this was until his wife spoke to him: Wife: why is your face all bloody? Husband: I was so drunk that I couldn't stand up so I kept falling on my face! Wife: idiot. You left your wheelchair at the bar!

8

Puns

Heathens-Outcasts
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Show me a piano falling down a mineshaft, and I’ll show you A-flat minor

Difference

smartass
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Father and mother are making love in the bedroom. Mother is on top of father. Suddenly the son enters the bedroom. Everyone is embarrassed, of course.

The next morning, the mother takes the little boy aside and says, "I'll tell you about what you saw yesterday, you know Dad has a big belly and that's why mom sometimes sits on top of that belly to push it flat." . Says that little boy: "But mama, that does not make any difference." "Oh no?" the mom asks. "No," says the little boy, "When you go to work, the neighbor comes, and she puts herself on her knees for Dad, and sheblows his belly up again!"

Cow

Anonymous
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What do you call a cow that was hit by an anvil? A flat iron steak.

Music

Anonymous
·

What do you get when you drop a piano on an army base?

A flat major

Meat

Deez Nutz
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What’s a hairdressers favorite roast? Flat iron roast

Hospital

Weirdo.
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Once upon a time, Bob was in his hospital bed, receiving medical treatment not that far after finding out he had cancer. One day, his friend Jeremy decided to visit him. Jeremy told his best buddy this very inspiring sentence: "Sometimes in life, you and your heart will climb tall peaking mountains, and low flat valleys, and all after that we'll be happy forever in heaven, eventually."

little did Bob know that Jeremy was talking about his heart monitor

Pancake

Anonymous
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you so flat you make pancakes look thiccc

Suck

Death&Decay
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A is for Amy who fell down the stairs. B is for Basil assaulted by bears. C is for Clara who wasted away. D is for Desmond thrown out of a sleigh. E is for Ernest who choked on a peach. F is for Fanny sucked dry by a leech. G is for George smothered under a rug. H is for Hector done in by a thug. I is for Ida who drowned in a lake. J is for James who took lye by mistake. K is for Kate who was struck with an axe. L is for Leo who swallowed some tacks. M is for Maud who was swept out to sea. N is for Neville who died of ennui. O is for Olive run through with an awl. P is for Prue trampled flat in a brawl. Q is for Quentin who sank in a mire. R is for Rhoda consumed by a fire. S is for Susan who perished of fits. T is for Titus who flew into bits. U is for Una who slipped down a drain. V is for Victor squashed under a train. W is for Winnie embedded in ice. X is for Xerxes devoured by mice. Y is for Yorick whose head was knocked in. Z is for Zillah who drank too much gin