Crucifixion jokes
What's the difference between the real Jesus and a picture of him?
It only takes one nail to hang up the picture.
Crucifixion - only one guy who nailed it... at least Jesus didn't get screwed over, but I bet he was pretty cross about being forced to hang around.
If Jesus was real, they wouldn’t call it the crucifixion. They would call it crucifact.
Jesus walks into a motel, throws 3 nails on the counter, and says, "Can you put me up for a night?"
Are you Jesus? Because I want to nail you.
Why can't Jesus walk on water anymore?
Because he has holes in his feet.
What was the last thought Jesus had before he died?
"Man, I could really use a crowbar right about now."
What's the difference between a hooker and Jesus?
Their face when you nail them!
What's the difference between Jesus and a picture of Jesus?
It only takes one nail to hang up the picture.
Did Jesus die a virgin?
Of course not! He got nailed before he died.
I don’t understand why Christians are so against body piercings. Didn’t Jesus have four?
What’s the difference between Jesus and a hooker?
The look on their face when you're nailing them.
What’s the difference between Jesus and a prostitute?
The look they give you while you’re nailing them.
Why can't Jesus judge gay people?
He got nailed right before he died.
What is the difference between Jesus and a painting of Jesus?
You’ll only need a single nail to hang the picture frame up.
Why doesn’t Jesus trust humanity anymore?
Because he doesn’t wanna get double-crossed.
Why is Jesus in pieces?
Because a one man band is Nine Inch Nails.
What's the difference between Jesus and a picture frame?
It only takes one nail to hang a picture frame.
Guy: Why can't Jesus have M&M's?
Priest: Why?
Guy: Because they'll fall through the hole in his hands.
What's the difference between a painting and Jesus?
A painting only needs one nail.