Hygiene jokes
I saw my sisters masturbating with cucumbers and hotdogs.
I said, "Come on, I was gonna eat that later! Now it's just gonna taste like hotdogs and cucumbers!"
Your mama is so nasty.
She showed up to Red Lobster with her own crabs.
What does the word circumcise mean?
Cut off a boy's or a man's dick, or cut off a girl's or a woman's foreskin.
What is the difference between a hipster and a hockey player?
A hockey player showers.
Singing in the shower is fun until you get soap in your mouth, then it's a soap opera.
What happens to teeth when they go in water?
Bro, I dunno, they get wet?
Knock it out, you poo-a-loo, go get your loo.
Yo mama so smelly, she’s even banned from the perfume store!
What does a cannibal do after he dumps his girlfriend?
He wipes his butt.
Yo mama is so nasty, she buys sex toys at the second-hand shop.
What’s the difference between a baby and a beet?
Beets stain your teeth.
A man was walking down the street when he was accosted by a particularly dirty and shabby-looking homeless man who asked him for a couple of dollars for dinner.
The man took out his wallet, extracted ten dollars and asked, "If I give you this money, will you buy some beer with it instead of dinner?"
"No, I had to stop drinking years ago," the homeless man replied.
"Will you use it to go fishing instead of buying food?" the man asked.
"No, I don't waste time fishing," the homeless man said. "I spend all my time trying to stay alive."
"Will you spend this on green fees at a golf course instead of food?" the man asked.
"Are you NUTS!" replied the homeless man. "I haven't played golf in 20 years!"
"Will you spend the money on a woman in the red light district instead of food?" the man asked.
"What disease would I get for ten lousy bucks?" exclaimed the homeless man.
"Well," said the man, "I'm not going to give you the money. Instead, I'm going to take you home for a terrific dinner cooked by my wife."
The homeless man was astounded. "Won't your wife be furious with you for doing that? I know I'm dirty and I probably smell pretty disgusting."
The man replied, "That's okay. It's important for her to see what a man looks like after he has given up beer, fishing, golf and sex."
Why did the toilet paper cross the road?
To get to the rear end.
"Number 15: Burger King foot lettuce. The last thing you want in your Burger King burger is someone's foot fungus, but as it turns out, that might be what you get."
What are the four letters you don't want to hear from a dentist?
I C D K
Why do female parachutists have to wear tampons before they jump?
So they don't whistle on the way down!
A man in Saudi Arabia was caught stealing hand sanitiser.
The silver lining for him is that he will not need hand sanitiser anymore!
Q: What do you call a nun in a pool? A: A bath bomb.
What did the toilet paper say to the other toilet paper?
"Hey, check me out! I'm on a roll!" 😂😂🤭🤭
Why is there no open hunting season on hippies?
Have you ever tried to clean one?