Hygiene jokes
Your hairline is gone because you never bathed or brushed.
Did you know you don't actually wash your hands?
They wash each other while you stand there looking at them like a creep.
How did Capetian Hook kill himself? He wiped his butt with the wrong hand.
Why did oozy go to the toilet to eat trains?
Yo mama so smelly, she’s even banned from the perfume store!
Knock it out, you poo-a-loo, go get your loo.
Why did Jeffrey get blood on his shoe?
Because this teen just started her period!
My mom once ate a full giant cheesecake, and we were walking to our flight back home, and she had to sh*t.
We were walking to the bathroom, and she full on [did it] in front of the carousel. She had a lump of poo in her pants... True story, haha!
Girls are like bacteria. The toxic ones are everywhere, and you have to take special care of the good ones.
If your nose runs and your feet smell, you are probably built upside down.
Herpes? No, I don't want her. Her pees.
Q: What is the worst thing to hear your surgeon say?
A: Oops, I dropped my lollipop!
How do you recycle a condom? Turn it inside out and shake the f *ck out of it!
What's white and sticky?
Toothpaste.
"Jiggle balls, jiggle balls, jiggle all the way."
"Dr. Squatch will heal the itch, and know it goes away, hey!"
If you get out of the shower clean, how does your towel get dirty?
Lady: "Can I lick your balls?"
Me: "Ummmmm, ok?"
Lady: *grabs ball sack and licks my balls*
Me: "I'm gonna have to clean these now!"
Lady: "Let me do that."
Me: "No, thank you! I have to use these baseballs for practice!"
What happens when there's ten people in one house and they all have to shit and there's one bathroom?
It's a motherfucking shitshow party!
You lost 30 lbs when you joined Weight Watchers, and lost another 10 lbs when they shaved your back.
My ex was so full of shit, she probably poured toilet cleaner in her nose to get relief.