Hygiene jokes

Q: What is the worst thing to hear your surgeon say?

A: Oops, I dropped my lollipop!

Lady: "Can I lick your balls?"

Me: "Ummmmm, ok?"

Lady: *grabs ball sack and licks my balls*

Me: "I'm gonna have to clean these now!"

Lady: "Let me do that."

Me: "No, thank you! I have to use these baseballs for practice!"

Girls are like bacteria. The toxic ones are everywhere, and you have to take special care of the good ones.

What's white and sticky?

Toothpaste.

"Jiggle balls, jiggle balls, jiggle all the way."

"Dr. Squatch will heal the itch, and know it goes away, hey!"

If you get out of the shower clean, how does your towel get dirty?

How do you recycle a condom? Turn it inside out and shake the f *ck out of it!

My ex was so full of shit, she probably poured toilet cleaner in her nose to get relief.

Why did oozy go to the toilet to eat trains?

Your hairline is gone because you never bathed or brushed.

The companies that made the hand gel sanitizer must be absolutely rubbing their hands together!

Why did the robber take a shower before his robbery?

So he could make a clean getaway!

A: What's the difference between a toilet and a washing basin?

B: I don't know.

A: Then I guess your house looks beautiful...

B: ...

"Look, Ma! I peed in the pool!"

Knock it out, you poo-a-loo, go get your loo.

What does a cannibal do after he dumps his girlfriend?

He wipes his butt.

Yo mama is so nasty, she buys sex toys at the second-hand shop.

What did the poop say to the toilet paper? “You’re on a roll!”

What’s the difference between a baby and a beet?

Beets stain your teeth.

A man was walking down the street when he was accosted by a particularly dirty and shabby-looking homeless man who asked him for a couple of dollars for dinner.

The man took out his wallet, extracted ten dollars and asked, "If I give you this money, will you buy some beer with it instead of dinner?"

"No, I had to stop drinking years ago," the homeless man replied.

"Will you use it to go fishing instead of buying food?" the man asked.

"No, I don't waste time fishing," the homeless man said. "I spend all my time trying to stay alive."

"Will you spend this on green fees at a golf course instead of food?" the man asked.

"Are you NUTS!" replied the homeless man. "I haven't played golf in 20 years!"

"Will you spend the money on a woman in the red light district instead of food?" the man asked.

"What disease would I get for ten lousy bucks?" exclaimed the homeless man.

"Well," said the man, "I'm not going to give you the money. Instead, I'm going to take you home for a terrific dinner cooked by my wife."

The homeless man was astounded. "Won't your wife be furious with you for doing that? I know I'm dirty and I probably smell pretty disgusting."

The man replied, "That's okay. It's important for her to see what a man looks like after he has given up beer, fishing, golf and sex."