Hygiene jokes

A man walks into a restaurant. The waitress hands him a menu and it says: "Hot dog: $2, Hamburger: $5, Blowjob: $10."

He asks the waitress, "Are you the one who gives the hand jobs?"

She says, "Yes, I am."

He tells her, "Good. Can you go wash your goddamn hands? Because I want a hot dog."

I wanted to make a joke about dandruff.

People are still scratching their heads over it.

What's the difference between a sidewalk, a drug dealer, and a prostitute?

A: A sidewalk's crack doesn't leave an odor!

Tork Poettschke says to Charles Bukowski: "You have beautiful teeth! Are they also available in white?"

What do you call a Muslim guy in a bathtub?

A bath bomb 💣

I'm not saying you're annoying.

But if a yeast infection were a person, it would be you.

What's the difference between a hipster and a hockey player? A hockey player changes his pads every third period.

Why do sumo wrestlers shave their legs?

So you can tell them apart from the feminists.

Why do lesbians get their belly button pierced?

So they have a place to hang the air freshener.

Roses are red, violets are blue, feminist pussy stinks, and yours does too.

Roses are red, violets are blue. Don't touch the beds, they are sticky with white goo.

What’s the difference between toilet paper and a curtain?

So, it was you....

How does a blind person wipe their ass?

With braille toilet paper.

How does a blind person know they've wiped their ass enough?

Yo Momma so hairy, she has to shampoo her armpits.

Roses are red, I need a broom, I just shit all over the bathroom.

What disease do you get from shoving a dirty, rusty piece of metal up your ass? Tetanus.

I'm not into scatplay. In fact, I think that shit's disgusting.

I got knob cheesed after your sexy mom was on top, dry humping me on the vanilla-coloured living room carpet.

ISIS recently brought out their own shampoo: HEAD AND SOLDIERS.