ISIS recently brought out their own shampoo: HEAD AND SOLDIERS.
What do you call the inside of the ISS toilet?
Cosmic Brownies.
Do you know you’re supposed to wash your sex toys after you use them?
I guess that’s why Catholics invented baptism.
A guy is walking down the street when he almost steps in something. He looks down and says, "Looks like shit."
He crouches down and smells it, "Smells like shit."
He sticks his finger in, tastes it, "Tastes like shit."
He then smiles and says, "Well, good thing I didn't step on it!"
Little Jim's friend told him that if he farts, he will give him a tenner. Little Jim tries to fart, but he poos himself, and he is bullied until he puts the poo on the bullies' face.
You should know how important it is to wash your sex toys.
That's why priests invented baptism.
Your mama is so nasty.
She showed up to Red Lobster with her own crabs.
What does a gynecologist and delivery driver have in common?
Whenever they’re hungry, they can just scrape a little cheese off the top of the box.
How do rappers keep themselves clean?
They drop SOAP BARS.
ISIS recently brought out a new shampoo.
Head and Shoulders!
How can a pimp save money in buying condoms for his stable?
Answer: Have his hoes wash and rinse them after every use.
What does the word circumcise mean?
Cut off a boy's or a man's dick, or cut off a girl's or a woman's foreskin.
I saw my sisters masturbating with cucumbers and hotdogs.
I said, "Come on, I was gonna eat that later! Now it's just gonna taste like hotdogs and cucumbers!"
There are 4 billion women on earth. Why isn't it clean yet?
Politicians and diapers have one thing in common.
They should both be changed regularly, and for the same reason.
If you leave your small children inside a shower with Kelly Clarkson, you're a filthy parent.
A man was walking down the street when he was accosted by a particularly dirty and shabby-looking homeless man who asked him for a couple of dollars for dinner.
The man took out his wallet, extracted ten dollars and asked, "If I give you this money, will you buy some beer with it instead of dinner?"
"No, I had to stop drinking years ago," the homeless man replied.
"Will you use it to go fishing instead of buying food?" the man asked.
"No, I don't waste time fishing," the homeless man said. "I spend all my time trying to stay alive."
"Will you spend this on green fees at a golf course instead of food?" the man asked.
"Are you NUTS!" replied the homeless man. "I haven't played golf in 20 years!"
"Will you spend the money on a woman in the red light district instead of food?" the man asked.
"What disease would I get for ten lousy bucks?" exclaimed the homeless man.
"Well," said the man, "I'm not going to give you the money. Instead, I'm going to take you home for a terrific dinner cooked by my wife."
The homeless man was astounded. "Won't your wife be furious with you for doing that? I know I'm dirty and I probably smell pretty disgusting."
The man replied, "That's okay. It's important for her to see what a man looks like after he has given up beer, fishing, golf and sex."
What does gum in my d*ck have in common?
Both get chewed on by little kids.
How do blind people know when to stop wiping?
With a taste test.
Why did the rapper go to the dentist?
To get his DENTAL FLOW checked.
