Hygiene jokes

What's the difference between a hipster and a hockey player? A hockey player changes his pads every third period.

Why do sumo wrestlers shave their legs?

So you can tell them apart from the feminists.

Why do lesbians get their belly button pierced?

So they have a place to hang the air freshener.

Roses are red, violets are blue, feminist pussy stinks, and yours does too.

Roses are red, violets are blue. Don't touch the beds, they are sticky with white goo.

What’s the difference between toilet paper and a curtain?

So, it was you....

How does a blind person wipe their ass?

With braille toilet paper.

How does a blind person know they've wiped their ass enough?

Yo Momma so hairy, she has to shampoo her armpits.

Roses are red, I need a broom, I just shit all over the bathroom.

What disease do you get from shoving a dirty, rusty piece of metal up your ass? Tetanus.

I'm not into scatplay. In fact, I think that shit's disgusting.

I got knob cheesed after your sexy mom was on top, dry humping me on the vanilla-coloured living room carpet.

ISIS recently brought out their own shampoo: HEAD AND SOLDIERS.

What do you call the inside of the ISS toilet?

Cosmic Brownies.

Do you know you’re supposed to wash your sex toys after you use them?

I guess that’s why Catholics invented baptism.

A guy is walking down the street when he almost steps in something. He looks down and says, "Looks like shit."

He crouches down and smells it, "Smells like shit."

He sticks his finger in, tastes it, "Tastes like shit."

He then smiles and says, "Well, good thing I didn't step on it!"

Little Jim's friend told him that if he farts, he will give him a tenner. Little Jim tries to fart, but he poos himself, and he is bullied until he puts the poo on the bullies' face.

You should know how important it is to wash your sex toys.

That's why priests invented baptism.

Your mama is so nasty.

She showed up to Red Lobster with her own crabs.