What does a cannibal do after he dumps his girlfriend?
He wipes his ass.
What do cannibals eat to freshen their breath?
Men toes.
Amber Heard's Morning Routine
Wake Up. Eat Breakfast. Take a Shit. Get Out of Bed.
Q. What’s white, sticky, and better to spit than to swallow?
A. Toothpaste.
So, some thieves robbed me the other day. They took everything I owned, except for the soap, towels, and deodorant.
Dirty bastards.
If you leave your small children inside a shower with Kelly Clarkson, you're a filthy parent.
So I caught my girlfriend masturbating with a carrot. My first reaction was "Shit, I was gonna eat that later, but now it’s gonna taste like carrots!"
What does the cannibal do after he dumps his girlfriend?
He wipes his butt.
Your breath is so bad that when Santa came to your house for your present, he brought toothpaste.
If you're gonna razor yourself, you might as well have shaving cream.
So I heard it was important to clean your sex toys, which is why priests invented baptism I guess.
What caused Captain Hook's death?
He accidentally used the wrong hand to wipe his ass.
Is it just me, or when you wipe your ass too deep, it reminds you of your uncle? Just me?
What's the difference between a hippie chick and a hockey player? The hockey player showers after 3 periods.
Did you know that towels are the leading cause of dry skin?
Why do tampons have strings? So you can floss your teeth when you’re done eating.
With numerous reports of Donald Trump's odor and Kelly Clarkson's lack of hygienic habits... proof that money doesn't buy cleanliness.
Two brothers play on the street. One of them finds a condom on the ground. Not knowing what it is, they go to their mum and ask what it is that they found. Mum gets mad and yells to throw that away immediately.
Guys go back to the yard, surprised why their mum got mad for just latex. One of them says: "Why did mum get so angry?" The other: "I have no idea, thankfully we did not tell her that we've eaten the yogurt inside!"
Why is Johnson's baby shampoo the best lubricant for anal sex?
- No more tears.
What's white, sticky, and better to spit out then to swallow?
Toothpaste.
