Hygiene

Hygiene Jokes

Thief

So, some thieves robbed me the other day. They took everything I owned, except for the soap, towels, and deodorant.

Dirty bastards.

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  • Parent

    If you leave your small children inside a shower with Kelly Clarkson, you're a filthy parent.

    Carrot

    So I caught my girlfriend masturbating with a carrot. My first reaction was "Shit, I was gonna eat that later, but now it’s gonna taste like carrots!"

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  • Breath

    Your breath is so bad that when Santa came to your house for your present, he brought toothpaste.

    Razor

    If you're gonna razor yourself, you might as well have shaving cream.

    Baptism

    So I heard it was important to clean your sex toys, which is why priests invented baptism I guess.

    Uncle

    Is it just me, or when you wipe your ass too deep, it reminds you of your uncle? Just me?

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  • Tampon

    Why do tampons have strings? So you can floss your teeth when you’re done eating.

    Hockey Player

    What's the difference between a hippie chick and a hockey player? The hockey player showers after 3 periods.

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  • Cleanliness

    With numerous reports of Donald Trump's odor and Kelly Clarkson's lack of hygienic habits... proof that money doesn't buy cleanliness.

    Condom

    Two brothers play on the street. One of them finds a condom on the ground. Not knowing what it is, they go to their mum and ask what it is that they found. Mum gets mad and yells to throw that away immediately.

    Guys go back to the yard, surprised why their mum got mad for just latex. One of them says: "Why did mum get so angry?" The other: "I have no idea, thankfully we did not tell her that we've eaten the yogurt inside!"