Hygiene jokes
When your girl is sucking your dick and chokes on it, not because it’s big but because you haven’t washed it in weeks.
Roses are red, violets are blue, feminist pussy stinks, and yours does too.
Why is there no open hunting season on hippies?
Have you ever tried to clean one?
The pirate looked down the toilet, and what did he see?
The captain's log.
Hi guys, the prankster is back!
I was gone for a long time because of this bullying about a nice sweet girl named Gwen! So my 6th prank is on...
When I put some bad stuff in my sister's toothpaste bottle!
Okay, so I took some smelly mints from the jelly bean game! I had molded cheese jelly bean, molded milk, and worms jelly bean! Jelly bean tasting is this game where weird tasted jelly beans are in there, so I got some mints and put it there! Then next thing you knew was, my sassy ass sister had her breath smelling like a chimpanzee's buttock!
A man was walking down the street when he was accosted by a particularly dirty and shabby-looking homeless man who asked him for a couple of dollars for dinner.
The man took out his wallet, extracted ten dollars and asked, "If I give you this money, will you buy some beer with it instead of dinner?"
"No, I had to stop drinking years ago," the homeless man replied.
"Will you use it to go fishing instead of buying food?" the man asked.
"No, I don't waste time fishing," the homeless man said. "I spend all my time trying to stay alive."
"Will you spend this on green fees at a golf course instead of food?" the man asked.
"Are you NUTS!" replied the homeless man. "I haven't played golf in 20 years!"
"Will you spend the money on a woman in the red light district instead of food?" the man asked.
"What disease would I get for ten lousy bucks?" exclaimed the homeless man.
"Well," said the man, "I'm not going to give you the money. Instead, I'm going to take you home for a terrific dinner cooked by my wife."
The homeless man was astounded. "Won't your wife be furious with you for doing that? I know I'm dirty and I probably smell pretty disgusting."
The man replied, "That's okay. It's important for her to see what a man looks like after he has given up beer, fishing, golf and sex."
Q: Why did the toilet paper cross the road?
A: It did not want to get stuck in a crack.
What is brown and smelly? Is it a fart? Is it a carcass? Wrong, it's a dirty toilet.
Tork Poettschke says to Charles Bukowski: "You have beautiful teeth! Are they also available in white?"
How do blind people know when to stop wiping?
With a taste test.
What do you do when an epileptic has a seizure in the bathtub?
Throw in some laundry...
What is the difference between a hipster and a hockey player?
A hockey player showers.
Your mama is so nasty.
She showed up to Red Lobster with her own crabs.
There are 4 billion women on earth. Why isn't it clean yet?
I saw my sisters masturbating with cucumbers and hotdogs.
I said, "Come on, I was gonna eat that later! Now it's just gonna taste like hotdogs and cucumbers!"
What does the word circumcise mean?
Cut off a boy's or a man's dick, or cut off a girl's or a woman's foreskin.
What do bubbles get when they’re sick?
The suds.
Yo mama so smelly, she’s even banned from the perfume store!
Yeah, she called me "Pledge" because I knocked the dust off it.
Singing in the shower is fun until you get soap in your mouth, then it's a soap opera.