Hygiene jokes

Your mama is so nasty.

She showed up to Red Lobster with her own crabs.

What is the difference between a hipster and a hockey player?

A hockey player showers.

Singing in the shower is fun until you get soap in your mouth, then it's a soap opera.

What happens to teeth when they go in water?

Bro, I dunno, they get wet?

There are 4 billion women on earth. Why isn't it clean yet?

Yeah, she called me "Pledge" because I knocked the dust off it.

Did you know you don't actually wash your hands?

They wash each other while you stand there looking at them like a creep.

What happened to the cheetah that took too many baths?

The cheetah became spotless!

How did Capetian Hook kill himself? He wiped his butt with the wrong hand.

Why did oozy go to the toilet to eat trains?

Your hairline is gone because you never bathed or brushed.

Q: What is the worst thing to hear your surgeon say?

A: Oops, I dropped my lollipop!

Girls are like bacteria. The toxic ones are everywhere, and you have to take special care of the good ones.

Why did Jeffrey get blood on his shoe?

Because this teen just started her period!

Lady: "Can I lick your balls?"

Me: "Ummmmm, ok?"

Lady: *grabs ball sack and licks my balls*

Me: "I'm gonna have to clean these now!"

Lady: "Let me do that."

Me: "No, thank you! I have to use these baseballs for practice!"

What happens when there's ten people in one house and they all have to shit and there's one bathroom?

It's a motherfucking shitshow party!

You lost 30 lbs when you joined Weight Watchers, and lost another 10 lbs when they shaved your back.

My mom once ate a full giant cheesecake, and we were walking to our flight back home, and she had to sh*t.

We were walking to the bathroom, and she full on [did it] in front of the carousel. She had a lump of poo in her pants... True story, haha!

If your nose runs and your feet smell, you are probably built upside down.

Herpes? No, I don't want her. Her pees.