How did Capetian Hook kill himself? He wiped his butt with the wrong hand.
What happened to the cheetah that took too many baths?
The cheetah became spotless!
The companies that made the hand gel sanitizer must be absolutely rubbing their hands together!
Your hair is receding more than people do when they smell you.
What happens to teeth when they go in water?
Bro, I dunno, they get wet?
How do blind people know when to stop wiping?
With a taste test.
Your mama is so nasty.
She showed up to Red Lobster with her own crabs.
I saw my sisters masturbating with cucumbers and hotdogs.
I said, "Come on, I was gonna eat that later! Now it's just gonna taste like hotdogs and cucumbers!"
What does the word circumcise mean?
Cut off a boy's or a man's dick, or cut off a girl's or a woman's foreskin.
There’s 4 billion women on earth Why isn’t it clean yet?
Why do female parachutists have to wear tampons before they jump?
So they don't whistle on the way down!
What does a cannibal do after he dumps his girlfriend?
He wipes his butt.
What’s the difference between a baby and a beet?
Beets stain your teeth.
A man was walking down the street when he was accosted by a particularly dirty and shabby-looking homeless man who asked him for a couple of dollars for dinner.
The man took out his wallet, extracted ten dollars and asked, "If I give you this money, will you buy some beer with it instead of dinner?"
"No, I had to stop drinking years ago," the homeless man replied.
"Will you use it to go fishing instead of buying food?" the man asked.
"No, I don't waste time fishing," the homeless man said. "I spend all my time trying to stay alive."
"Will you spend this on green fees at a golf course instead of food?" the man asked.
"Are you NUTS!" replied the homeless man. "I haven't played golf in 20 years!"
"Will you spend the money on a woman in the red light district instead of food?" the man asked.
"What disease would I get for ten lousy bucks?" exclaimed the homeless man.
"Well," said the man, "I'm not going to give you the money. Instead, I'm going to take you home for a terrific dinner cooked by my wife."
The homeless man was astounded. "Won't your wife be furious with you for doing that? I know I'm dirty and I probably smell pretty disgusting."
The man replied, "That's okay. It's important for her to see what a man looks like after he has given up beer, fishing, golf and sex."
"Number 15: Burger King foot lettuce. The last thing you want in your Burger King burger is someone's foot fungus, but as it turns out, that might be what you get."
What are the four letters you don't want to hear from a dentist?
I C D K
Why is there no open hunting season on hippies?
Have you ever tried to clean one?
What did the toilet paper say to the other toilet paper?
"Hey, check me out! I'm on a roll!" 😂😂🤭🤭
A man in Saudi Arabia was caught stealing hand sanitiser.
The silver lining for him is that he will not need hand sanitiser anymore!
So uh, I did this thing where I put soap on my brother's toothbrush, and then I put more on and colored it to make it look like toothpaste, and uh, he is constipated now. I AM EVIL :3
