Healthcare

Healthcare Jokes

Covid

I got kicked out of a hospital once. I told all the COVID patients to stay positive.

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  • Doctor

    I am still trying to figure out why paying the COVID doctors a compliment is so offensive. They even kicked me out, and all I said was to stay positive...

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  • Invisibility

    "Doctor, there's a patient on line 1 that says he's invisible."

    "Well, tell him I can't see him right now."

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  • Orphan

    So there's an orphan in a hospital, and the doctor walks up and says, "Sorry, kid, but this is a family hospital."

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  • Monkey

    Five little monkeys jumping on the bed,

    One fell off and bumped his head.

    The momma called the doctor and the doctor said...

    “We’re calling Child Protective Services.”

    Sleeping Pill

    Doctor: Madam, your husband needs rest and peace, so here are some sleeping pills.

    Wife: Doctor, when should I give them to him?

    Doctor: They are for you!

    Disease

    A woman walks into a doctor's office. She schedules an appointment and sits down in the waiting room. When it's her turn to talk to the doctor, she describes all of her symptoms, and they're unlike anything he's heard before. The doctor runs a few tests and steps out of the room. He comes back later, and says, "Well, I have good news and bad news." The woman says, "I'll hear the good news first please." The doctor replies, "The good news is we're naming a disease after you!"

    Orphan

    I'm a family doctor and I wish I could help but... you're an orphan.

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  • Vegetable

    Where can you find some of the world's largest vegetables? -- In an American nursing home.

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  • Michael Jackson

    Michael Jackson gets really ill, so he's rushed to hospital. When they get there, he says, "Am I in heaven?"

    The doctor replies, "Nah, sir, we're just taking a quick shortcut through the children's ward."

    Vegetable

    Why do they have air conditioning in hospitals?

    To keep all the vegetables fresh.

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  • Pedophile

    What’s the difference between a doctor and a pedophile?

    The doctor doesn’t enjoy giving physicals.

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